Struggling with a friendship over values and politics

My friendships are mostly centred around shared values, so I wouldn't really be able to maintain a friendship with someone like this.

I agree with @Matronic6 and @venus7 , our whole lives are political -the choices we make, how and what we consume, the work we do, the services we use.

I have many good, close friends and at the core of our connections is definitely a shared sense of values; a certainty that none of us would vote for x, y or z policy because that's not the kind of people we are. Religion doesn't seem to come into it -I have friends belonging to different faiths- but politics definitely does.

I also have some nice colleagues, aquaintances and neighbours with whom I keep it 'light' and at arm's length -no idea how they vote, or align politically, but they may have said something to make me think it's a good idea not to 'go there'.

I disagree. I don't think we're politically illiterate -both my brother and I are / have been active in local grassroots politics, my brother serving as an elected local council politician in his town. We were raised in a very political household (perpetually stuffing envelopes, leafleting, attending rallies etc), our mum also serving as an elected local councillor (of a different party to the ones my brother and I now align with). Our other sister and brother are entirely apolitical.
My brother and I are both passionate about quite different things and they seem, in terms of policy, to be mutually exclusive. My field of work puts me in contact with groups in society which my brother's political allegiance would see further disadvantaged in favour of its core interests. He sees that my work is valuable and that the individuals it supports are probably deserving, but believes their collective needs to be subordinate to a greater principle which must be prioritised for the advancement of his party's ideological aims. This is where we 'miss' eachother. It's a pity. And nothing like whether or not we enjoy the same TV show.

best way to be .

They deserve to be sneered at. Reform will ruin the country.

Why is it rage bait? Reform will ruin the country. Ignorant people just can't see it.

Only the morons in the UK will vote reform. The same mugs who voted for brexit.

I think this POV is from people who are essentially politically illiterate and see someone’s politics as being akin to whether or not they watch a particular TV show rather than being anything essential about them or their values.

OP, why are you trying to stay friends with someone you don’t like?

Variations on this theme come up quite regularly, and I am always surprised at the number of people who say they see no problem being friends with those of different political convictions.

I suppose I'm surprised because I feel that a person's politics are reflective of their core values and says a lot about who they are. And this in turn is part of how we relate. How couples with opposing political views can thrive for decades is almost incomprehensible to me. My brother's political views are diametrically opposed to mine and our relationship is shallower as a result because we upset eachother when we try to communicate about values.

I don’t really care who my friends vote for - any political discussions we have are just light touch. No arguments.

My late DH and I had totally different political views, and voted differently. We had the odd lively debate, without rancour, but politics didn’t affect our marriage in any way.

Politics are just personal opinions - no right or wrong. 🤷‍♀️

Her DP is officially registered as her carer and receives carer’s allowance, but I’m also aware he does informal cash-in-hand work alongside this.
I think carer’s allowance is dependent upon the amount of hours spent caring, not on other income the carer might have.
You seem to be accusing him of tax evasion. Are you sure that his income is high enough to be taxable?

But yes, I think you step away from this friendship.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean, but 20 years ago I would probably have had a very serious discussion with you about who would have won in a fight between pikachu and charizard.

You don't seem able to comprehend a social life that doesn't revolve around politics, so I will answer your other post above, some highlights that have been discussed this week with friends, family and colleagues.

In the family: Whether Freddy Kruger or Pinhead would win in a fight. This evolved into pitting various characters against each other. It might surprise you how long this conversation went on (days! A LOT of horror fanatics in the family). Teenage dc's school life and pressure around choices and honework. An upcoming celebration and holiday that we need to plan.

One friend who is fascinated by all things extra terrestial who has obviously had lots of material to discuss and show us this week. The new powerful electro magnetic thruster being tested at NASA and what the results mean for travel to Mars (appreciate not everyone will be as excited as us about that!)

Around the 'water cooler': discussing what bits of the Harry Potter novels that were missed in the films we hope will be in the new series. About the impending AI bubble burst, the fundamental difference between AGI and language models, and the impossible amounts of power and water it would take to run the not yet existant data centers, or even to marginally improve the latter. The new breakthrough in Quantum physics (Quadsqueezing - enables us to see and even influence quantum behaviours that were invisible previously) at Oxford.

Also I have chatted about the local elections this week, but only online, and more in despair at how polarised and illogical most political discourse seems now.

If you’re not sure of the friendship, just be vague about arrangements to meet up and let it slide.

It is possible to have conversations with friends without discussing political parties or political allegiances, of course.

But deeper conversations often contain political ideas even if they don’t explicitly name political parties. I was discussing the impact of AI with friends yesterday and the conversation turned to how governments might regulate it. That’s politics.

Surely this is a rage bait thread?

People like the OP is surely pretending to be can't possibly exist in real life.

Can they?

I’m interested to know what topics you’ve spoken about in the last week or two? “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

I don’t link my identity around conversations about politics- where on earth did you get that idea? Why did you bring identity into it? As a matter of interest, would you have brought identity into this conversation 20 years ago or might you be a perfect example of someone whose political viewpoint is completely shaped by the fashionable ideas of the day?

To me, your real problem is your fear of judging. That's what adults are supposed to do - have standards and live by them.

I think these days the political can become inseparable from the personal. I had a friend I adored, an older lady who was, or imagined herself to be, staunchly conservative. But even though I'm liberal, it didn't interfere with the relationship, because she was interesting, good-natured, chatty, and kind. I think she would classify herself as a conservation out of ignorance. However, if it had developed in a way where I was encountering things she was doing that I considered bad, or unethical, or harmful to others, I think that would have ended the friendship.

So it depends on the content and context of the friendship.

Since when is scamming benefits a political issue?
Claiming carers.allowance for someone who isn't receiving 35 hours of care a week,, and working cash in hand to avoid paying tax is fraud. Politics doesn't come into that at all.

Have you asked her how she and her family will manage financially if Reform get in when it comes to the general election? They want to cut disability benefits. Why would someone dependant on disability benefits support that?
What are her reasons for supporting Reform? Racist, stupid or both?

You despise her.

Most of us will despise someone at some point of our life.

If this friendship evokes disliking/ill-will within you, you suffer too.

Let it go and wish her well.

Then how do we create a society that we all want to live in? How do we negotiate differences? How do we learn about views other than our own? How do we change our minds by understanding what we didn’t understand before?

Political differences I can accommodate.

But people scamming, no.

Nope, not me.

I've actually spoken with plenty of friends and family about politics and religion and never had a falling out.

You've spoken with your friend about politics it's caused upset and your posting on here for advice.
Have you never heard the expression never discuss politics and religion.

Please enlighten me, what is 'my way' and where has it got me?