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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You fool, you idiot!

227 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 09:24

There were a couple of threads on MN yesterday about what posters spend their money on. One was about a slice of cheesecake in London and the other the cost of a toastie in a Garden Centre.

Neither items were cheap, but I thought there was a lot of rude comments such as "only idiots pay that" or "you fool."

Now MN is for debate and there is nothing wrong with disagreeing, but is name calling really fair just because people choose to spend their money on different things.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 07/05/2026 10:11

There was one I read earlier today where someone said ‘you’re an idiot’ to a poster who was meaning no harm. I thought that was off. You can say a choice or behaviour is idiotic but I don’t think you should direct it personally at the poster.

SethBrogan · 07/05/2026 10:10

MN has a very clear race to the bottom mentality at the moment OP. I saw that thread and what should have been a thread about COL descended into posters being rude and just downright weird. People seem to have a real issue with other people spending their money. Any thread about eating out ends with post after post going on about making your own sandwiches and taking a flask of tea everywhere. It’s the MN chicken all over again.

IsThisLifeNow · 07/05/2026 10:10

AliasGrape · 07/05/2026 09:44

I quite often take my own sandwiches (have been known to do so on a plane, though not always), but would equally be happy to spend £20 on a piece of cheesecake if it was amazing cheesecake in a fancy place and I thought I would enjoy the experience.

We went to a NT place over the weekend, took our own sandwiches because I didn't feel like queuing for half an hour and spending £30+ on lunch on what was supposed to be a cheap day out. Quite happy to spend the £7 on 2 ice creams though because they were delicious and we enjoyed them.

I don't like paying over the odds for things that aren't worth it (whether that be in terms of the food itself, or the overall experience) but I've certainly been known to fritter away money on things others would view as a complete waste.

Answering the actual point - I think a lot of mumsnet, especially AIBU, is just people enjoying getting to insult others and project the version of themselves they most want to believe (they're so rich they can afford stupid prices for cake, or they're so good with money that they'd never do such a thing even though they earn 6 figures or whatever it is). Fool and idiot are not the most offensive terms that get thrown around on here! I don't care so much when it's general discussion topics, but it's really nasty when it's to people genuinely looking for help.

Edited

I think this is a good balance. Spend on a treat, but also save where you can. My ex-inlaws used to spend an absolute fortune on days out, but they had the money for it. Absolutley zero savings in their bank account, but that was their choice I guess

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:10

DinosaurBlue · 07/05/2026 10:08

Where is this cheesecake? I want to give it a go…🙈

Show quote history

Cakes and bubbles. Do it!

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:09

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 07/05/2026 10:07

Was it your thread then?

Show quote history

Cheesecake yes, toastie no.

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:09

ColdAsAWitches · 07/05/2026 10:05

The toastie one was asking opinions on whether she should have spent that much or not. In that situation, I think she should be prepared for people to think she was an idiot.

No she shouldn't have been prepared for people calling her an idiot.

She should have been prepared for people saying that's a crazy amount of money to spend, they would never do so etc. But not name calling.

OP posts:
BleedinglyObvious · 07/05/2026 10:09

This was expensive? | Mumsnet
I got in first but the OP was '£32 😬 for a quick bite to eat...'. No mention of meeting friends or anything.

PluckedFromThinAir · 07/05/2026 10:08

IWaffleAlot · 07/05/2026 10:02

Flask and sandwich brigade 🤣 nothing more depressing than people doing this on a day out. I get that at a place like this it’s a bit overrated but most days put have good menu and part of the experience is eating out and not waking up packing a whole meal out.

I bring a picnics and loads of snacks to theme parks/zoos etc as it’s preferable to long queues with whiny, hungry children. Always get ice creams though.

DontShoutInMyEarholeTracey · 07/05/2026 10:08

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 09:33

I love the flask and sandwiches brigade!

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Some people really do struggle financially. Nothing wrong with taking a flask and some sandwiches if that saves them sone money.

DinosaurBlue · 07/05/2026 10:08

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:00

Indeed!

I can't wait to go back to London to have another £19 slice of cheesecake!

Show quote history

Where is this cheesecake? I want to give it a go…🙈

rememberingthem · 07/05/2026 10:07

Well working in aviation i can say that i most certainly would and do take my own food on the plane instead of eating the pure ( expensive) crap that they serve! If you daw the state of the ovens and galleys you most certainly would prefer to eat your own food!

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 07/05/2026 10:07

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:00

Indeed!

I can't wait to go back to London to have another £19 slice of cheesecake!

Show quote history

Was it your thread then?

dottiedodah · 07/05/2026 10:06

ER three I usually take sandwiches if out for the day .Had chemo and only allowed to eat certain foods .Has stuck somehow and find it better than a crowded Restaurant and often little choice .Will normally have a cake tea later in the cafe

PluckedFromThinAir · 07/05/2026 10:06

CakeFace1234 · 07/05/2026 09:51

Sometimes its cost and worth. I take my DC to a nice bakeries after hospital visits so we have something to look forward to afterwards. I see it as an affordable luxury. The cost is considerably more than Lidl's bakery, say, but worth it to sit somewhere nice, chat and decompress.

Same. We have regular hospital visits and I always let my DS choose what he wants in Costa afterwards. I know it’s a waste of money but he likes it and we have a nice chat before going back to school.

Some things are about more than the price you pay for them.

ColdAsAWitches · 07/05/2026 10:05

The toastie one was asking opinions on whether she should have spent that much or not. In that situation, I think she should be prepared for people to think she was an idiot.

IWaffleAlot · 07/05/2026 10:02

Flask and sandwich brigade 🤣 nothing more depressing than people doing this on a day out. I get that at a place like this it’s a bit overrated but most days put have good menu and part of the experience is eating out and not waking up packing a whole meal out.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 10:00

DoughnutDreamer · 07/05/2026 09:57

Imagine having so much passion about whether someone chooses to buy cheesecake at a garden centre or take sandwiches on a day trip.

Indeed!

I can't wait to go back to London to have another £19 slice of cheesecake!

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 07/05/2026 10:00

ERthree · 07/05/2026 09:55

Why is it priceless? remember the young woman that died on a flight because the sandwich had something in it that she was allergic to and wasn't on the food label? Yeah really funny that was.

Show quote history

That young woman had purchased the sandwich at the airport, not on the plane.

Bjorkdidit · 07/05/2026 10:00

AliasGrape · 07/05/2026 09:44

I quite often take my own sandwiches (have been known to do so on a plane, though not always), but would equally be happy to spend £20 on a piece of cheesecake if it was amazing cheesecake in a fancy place and I thought I would enjoy the experience.

We went to a NT place over the weekend, took our own sandwiches because I didn't feel like queuing for half an hour and spending £30+ on lunch on what was supposed to be a cheap day out. Quite happy to spend the £7 on 2 ice creams though because they were delicious and we enjoyed them.

I don't like paying over the odds for things that aren't worth it (whether that be in terms of the food itself, or the overall experience) but I've certainly been known to fritter away money on things others would view as a complete waste.

Answering the actual point - I think a lot of mumsnet, especially AIBU, is just people enjoying getting to insult others and project the version of themselves they most want to believe (they're so rich they can afford stupid prices for cake, or they're so good with money that they'd never do such a thing even though they earn 6 figures or whatever it is). Fool and idiot are not the most offensive terms that get thrown around on here! I don't care so much when it's general discussion topics, but it's really nasty when it's to people genuinely looking for help.

Edited

Same here on buying food.

If I'm going to eat a sandwich, I'd much rather make it myself than pay 3/4/5x the cost of ingredients to eat it fridge cold from a supermarket or queue for half an hour to have it in a museum/NT cafe.

But if I have a rare opportunity to try something from one of the world's greatest chefs and I can get that for 'only' £19 then sign me up. Because I was too young and poor to eat in El Builli when it was open and Tickets went bust before I got the chance to eat there, but now I can buy his cheesecake in London.

But on the other threads, the foolish/idiotic part is either not looking at prices and later complaining something is expensive, mindlessly buying shit basic food and overpriced coffee and complaining it's poor value for money or trying to use the flagship item from a fancy Michelin starred chef's cafe as an illustration of the CoL crisis. How do people get significantly into adulthood and have apparently not realised this?

JudgeJ · 07/05/2026 09:58

Pinemartin4 · 07/05/2026 09:39

I luv them when they get the sandwiches out on the plane,washed down with the free water (which they must give you) from the airport departure lounge... priceless

Maybe it's a case of wanting to eat something edible rather than the stuff peddled on the budget flights at whatever the price.

emuloc · 07/05/2026 09:58

ERthree · 07/05/2026 09:55

Why is it priceless? remember the young woman that died on a flight because the sandwich had something in it that she was allergic to and wasn't on the food label? Yeah really funny that was.

Show quote history

Exactly, there are numerous reasons why someone could be taking a packed lunch. To be looking down on people who do, or sniping about it, is rather ridiculous, imo.

DoughnutDreamer · 07/05/2026 09:57

Imagine having so much passion about whether someone chooses to buy cheesecake at a garden centre or take sandwiches on a day trip.

Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 09:55

emuloc · 07/05/2026 09:55

Ok, and that is fine, again we all make choices based on likes, dislikes, finance etc.

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Agreed.

OP posts:
emuloc · 07/05/2026 09:55

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 09:51

If you are asking me personally?

I don't want to be making sandwiches while getting ready a family of five for the airport, I don't want to eat sandwiches in the middle of the airport, I want to sit in a restaurant and have somebody wait on me.

Show quote history

Ok, and that is fine, again we all make choices based on likes, dislikes, finance etc.

ERthree · 07/05/2026 09:55

Pinemartin4 · 07/05/2026 09:39

I luv them when they get the sandwiches out on the plane,washed down with the free water (which they must give you) from the airport departure lounge... priceless

Why is it priceless? remember the young woman that died on a flight because the sandwich had something in it that she was allergic to and wasn't on the food label? Yeah really funny that was.

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