Was I U to tell a doctor she’ll understand when she’s a mum?

I think you've taken this remark and made it into something it wasn't. Dr's need to be calm under pressure. My dd burnt herself with boiling water as a baby I was a state, my nurse neighbour took her and put her under the shower her husband called the ambulance. I'm very glad she kept calm and prevented my child from scarring. Parents can panic in these situations. Dr's need to detach otherwise they would have a mental breakdown. Her not being a parent doesn't mean she won't be a good Dr. As pp have stated a head will bleed a hell of a lot, it doesn't mean it's a life threatening injury.

Sorry, this really isn’t true, especially if it’s parents who are worrying. They know the child best and they have a long-term view. Yes, you may have an over-anxious parent but you also may have a completely sensible parent who is anxious because they see / know things you don’t. Assuming the former rather than the latter is true based on limited evidence of a brief encounter at a stressful time is arrogant and dangerous.

She will learn - hopefully.

I think I was a very different social worker pre and post children!

Yeah, nothing like being an over-anxious worrier to cause (checks OP) actual gushing head wounds and childhood cancer.

If only OP hadn’t been worried, everything would have been fine, right?

Listening to parents can save lives @Calmondeck.

There’s decent research evidence, published in the Lancet, that supports this - parental concern is a better predictor of critical illness than clinical observations.

www.theguardian.com/society/2025/may/30/parental-intuition-better-at-spotting-child-illness-than-vital-signs-study-finds-marthas-rule

I think that her remark wasnt appropriate or needed, surely no one asked her about that. Equally I think your answer didnt make any sense. Dont say anymore to her, you will make a fool of yourself.

Yes, you were being a twat, and patronising

She's not saying she doesn't understand why parents are anxious, or children are upset. She's saying she can stay calm under pressure. Every child with a head wound is screaming, every parent is incredibly anxious. Most of these children are fine. You can't be treating children if you get worked up by them crying and anxious parents.

I think it was a pretty obnoxious comment.

I work in a children's hospital. I don't have kids. I hate it when people tell me they needed to have kids to do their job properly/ understand kids as I feel the implication is that I mustn't be very good at my job.

In actual fact my feedback regularly confirms the contrary.

There is a difference between remaining clam in a stressful situation (good trait in medics), and ignoring a worried parent (generally not great, especially in paediatrics). She probably (hopefully) articulated this poorly.

But your response was unreasonable. She may not want or be able to have children. And many medics are more than capable of being empathetic despite not having personal experience of whatever is going on.

She shouldn’t have said it.

Are there times when a child’s wellbeing or even life has depended on my ability to screen out other things, including parents? Yes. Are there parents who negatively affect their child’s care and can even make them less safe? Yes.

Did becoming a parent change that? No.

Becoming a skilled and experienced doctor is all this intern needs to do. She can be an excellent doctor without having children. It’s sad that you can’t see that. I certainly wouldn’t say anything more to her.

Shitty thing to say.

Her comment was annoying but yours was v bad. Not everyone becomes a parent.

a newly graduated doctor, who told us proudly that she’s so used to seeing screaming children and overly anxious parents that she’s immune to it. She just walks into anxious rooms and “ignores the vibe.

Newly minted Drs don’t usually have a great deal of experience of screaming children. It’s not so much about when she becomes a mother, but when she learns to grow up and becomes a proper [safe] Doctor.

I hope the child is OK.

actually I've changed my mind, even without knowing what on earth you were on about, you were still unreasonable for saying 'when you're a mum,' for many reasons.

Scalp wounds bleed loads, and a relatively small amount of blood looks dramatic on clothing. As a doctor she needs to ignore the panicking adults, eyeball the situation and assess that a) the helmet being dented means the helmet is likely to have absorbed the impact and protected the child's skull and b) it's a scalp/forehead wound that is dramatic but unlikely to be serious. How to stay calm, professional and reassuring is literally taught in medical school.

Telling another woman how she will feel 'when' she has children is incredibly patronising.

Nurse here. This was rude - you don't know what she meant but believe me when I say if we got upset by screaming children at work we'd all be signed off sick/unable to work.

Many medical professionals deliberately keep a focus on the need not emotions.

Yes. "You'll understand when you're a father" - said literally no one ever in the history of the world.

It's reductive bullshit used to pit women against each other. If you have half a brain and an ounce of empathy you can perfectly well understand most things.

Yes I think you probably were unreasonable .
Who wants a doctor who doesn't remain calm and gets themselves into a flap around anxious parents and upset children .I think that's probably what she meant, not that she is dismissive of parents.

She wasn’t to know your specific history (which I’m very sorry about) and that what she said might be triggering for you. I wonder if she actually did say it ‘proudly’ or whether that’s your interpretation, she may have just been reflecting on her life.

In turn, you’ve got no idea whether she’s diagnosed infertile, does or doesn’t want kids, is gay (in which case if she wants them even if she’s fertile it will be harder and possibly more expensive), etc. All of which are good reasons for not making the comment you made.

What? I don't get it? What is she supposed to 'understand' exactly?

How to treat the child's injury? Presumably she does, and much better than you!
Why you were upset - you don't say you were?
Why the child was upset - surely that was blindingly obvious?

Same with "needs to stop being immune to upset kids and their appropriately concerned parents" - so how should she react instead? Surely most people WANT their doctor to be able to detach themselves and act professionally in a medical setting - it wouldn't exactly inspire confidence if the doctor started crying alongside the child.

Your post is so incoherent I can't even decide if you were being unreasonable because I can't work out what on earth you mean!

I see this neighbour almost daily, and will run into her doctor friend undoubtedly over the coming days (she is staying with them). Would it be unreasonable to tell her she needs to stop being immune to upset kids and their appropriately concerned parents?

Whilst I don't agree with what you said, as a pp mentioned the doctor might be infertile or just not what to have children, it's done now. But that sounds like you plan on bringing this up again if you see her. That would definitely be unreasonable IMO. You said your piece at the time, just leave it now.

I think you've misinterpreted what she said and you shouldn't have said that.

This… when dc2 had sepsis and was very very very unwell.. I was hysterical.. the doctor was fantastically calm and matter of fact, that was exactly what needed to happen

She sounds like a bit of a twat. She was visiting a friend, the friend’s child was injured to the point of soaking their top with blood, and she thinks that’s the moment to announce how she’s immune to “overly anxious parents”? How is that helpful? It’s horribly patronising.
And it does sound like she’s the kind of dr who would be quite dismissive of parental concerns - I once had a dr dismissing my concerns about DD2 who was 6 weeks old. She told me it was nothing, then she happened to ask if I had other children. I said I had an older child, and she replied “oh well now I know you’re not just an anxious first time mum, I think you should go to A&E.” DD2 ended up being admitted. That dr probably proudly talked about not listening to parents she deems anxious.

she’s so used to seeing screaming children and overly anxious parents that she’s immune to it. She just walks into anxious rooms and “ignores the vibe”

Sounds to me like a misunderstanding- I’d interpret this remark to mean that she keeps her cool, which is what you want in a doctor surely? The last thing you want is for the doctor to be anxious and panicked. I wouldn’t interpret this as being critical of anxious parents.

What is she supposed to do anyway?

Start screaming along with the child and join the parents in being overly anxious?

She’d be a shit doctor if she did that and would come across as bat shit.