AIBU to think our current grandparent visits are fair?

Still happy to use GP2 for childcare on inset day though!

Also I agree with this!

I think it’s up to your DH to make sure things are fair between his parents, if it needs to be made fair, and to facilitate visits to/ from them as he sees fit.

If he’s happy with the amount of visiting to your family, I don’t see the issue.

If GPs2 think it’s not fair - and I’m not sure fair comes into it when it comes to who you choose to spend your time with - then they need to talk to their son about it.

I would just carry on doing what you enjoy.

Are you from abroad and is that where your parents live OP? In which case Is completely understand going for 11 weeks.

I used to be the same when I lived abroad. It's also your child's culture and they need exposure to the language and culture, grandparents visit aside.

Seriously, your attitude to your in-laws is really shitty. And your DH is no better.

@Pinkmondays I assume you both are school staff or does your DH miss nearly 11 weeks with his DC?

It’s clear that GP3 are the preferred gparents. They get every Christmas and summer holidays and more than GP1 plus GP2. If I was GP1 and GP2, I’d be disappointed about that but I’m going to assume that your h isn’t very keen on his parents so happy with the current balance.

It’s not equal time but there’s 3 sets of grandparents and you need some weekends as a 3 too. Some people would moan (and enjoy moaning) even if they were the ones with the majority- is your MIL like that and best ignored?

Does it even up when you add set 1 and 2 together and then compare it with 3?

I hate having divorced parents, especially when they are being childish about how much time you spend with the other one.

So it's your fair your parents get every Christmas? They may be your parents but to your child, they are equal relatives to your DHs parents.

How come they live a 2 hour flight away ? If it was your parents who moved away I can see why it upsets your mil that she never gets Christmas or summer holidays with her grandchild because your parents chose to move abroad.

If it's you whose moved, then while I can see your mil point of view, id have more sympathy for you feeling you need to use holidays to visit home

But you said they were elderly and you didn't want them to make the journey on (what you describe) as a horrible motorway. So which is it? And doesn't your DH ever want to go anywhere else on holiday?

A blind man could have predicted that GPs 3 were yours 😂 Yeah, you're definitely being unfair to your husband/partners parents

If it was MIL who lived abroad would you spend Christmas with them every year?

@Pinkmondays "Also, as we don't see my parents for most of the year I think it's only fair."

But that doesn't make sense! You actually stay with gd3 (your parents) for around 13 or 14 full weeks of the year. All summer holidays, all Christmas and for a week every 2 months. If anything it sounds a bit overkill.

Also, as we don't see my parents for most of the year I think it's only fair.

But you see them every 2 or 3 months for a week, spend the entire summer with them, and you also spend every Christmas with them.

As a pp worked out, you see them far more than the others.

I have very little time for people who try to make these things fair and even. It’s not possible and you’ll drive yourself mad. My parents live far away, my in laws live close. I’m not spending ages in the car driving up to my parents to make it even.

But if you are trying to make it fair (as your last sentence suggests) then I think your last sentence is also a bit silly. You quite clearly do not not see your parents for most of the year. You see them every couple of months for a week (I’m assuming this is every half term?), and for the whole summer holiday, and Christmas.

Would you think it was fair if it was his parents that got vastly more time with you all (and all the summers and Christmases)?

Also, as we don't see my parents for most of the year I think it's only fair

But you see your parents far, far more than any of the other grandparents. I mean, see who you want at Christmas, but don't use this as justification.

GP 2 probably feels left out. Can DH visit without you?

But you see your parents way more of the year than the others?

This is an example of how the woman's parents tend to get the lion's share of time. Even if they live a flight away, it turns out.

I am a parent to adult daughters, so there's no resentment behind this post. But I do feel for the PILs of the family when it comes to contact.

I take it your son is rather young though as the whole summer away once at the age of playing out with school friends might become an issue.

Enjoy it while it’s good and your child is enjoying it.

I completely understand the struggle! I have the same issue but four sets.

All in their mid - late 70s. How old are yours OP?

I only ask because we find that ours won't visit us and we have to visit them!

Because as sexist as this sounds let’s face it no Fil complains he doesn’t see his grandchildren enough.

Mils however 😬😬 especially if they compare to their dils own mother.

Add in the not really visiting yet wanting it all and I took a huge but correct leap 😅