AIBU to think our current grandparent visits are fair?

Why can't they come to you? I assume they are post retirement and could come anytime and it wouldn't need to be school holidays.

Christmas Day with a grandchild is a special experience and I would want to enable all GPs to have had this.

So glad to hear it 😊❤️

@Bridesmaidorexfriend I just think any half decent GP would think it was unfair they got every Christmas

Don’t underestimate the fucked-upness of divorced parents even all those years later. There will likely be an element of the MIL being bothered by ex-partner “getting more time” purely out of competition rather than actually caring. I speak from someone with divorced parents so my kids also have 3 sets of GPs. 2 local and 1 set far away. Any noises from anyone are swiftly ignored or given short shrift.

That’s right op.

If your mil really wanted more time she would visit.

Also your time is already split between there grandparent house holds.

Add the U.K. is not your birth home to you want to involve your child in your home culture.

This leaves you with near zero time for just general life on days off from work.

Who cares? This is not OPs problem. It’s her husbands responsibility to carve out time for his family not OPs or her parents to worry about

It depends on what kind of contact is being offered by OP’s in-laws. Are they inviting her round and coming up with ideas and dates to meet? Or expecting OP to offer dates and always host at hers (as mine do?) If it is closer to the latter, I can well understand why OP isn’t inclined to do more of this, especially as her husband doesn’t seem bothered. Visiting OP’s family at their house will be a partial rest for her as she is presumably being hosted and having proper help with childcare. That’s very different to scrubbing the house, buying in ingredients for a roast and hosting one’s in-laws on top of looking after a young child and possibly also working.

Honestly OP, you really don’t need this thread. You sound a lovely DIL who cares, maybe too much. It’s your DH responsibility to worry about this. If he’s not then keep doing what you’re doing. Do not reduce contact with your parents out of guilt - it’s a lovely thing for your children to have that bond with their GPs overseas and learn the language!

Ignore people who are triggered.

It all depends on where they live, the relationships they have with you as their respective child (or child in law) and whether there is some other factor - childcare, getting a holiday, learning the language etc.

Once a month is fine and it’s not for you to worry. If the son is not bothered you should not be either. Ignore any comments or direct to your partner!!

@Pinkmondays do your parents think the split is fair?

If grandparents 2 are your in laws, I'd encourage your husband to visit on his own. If he isn't keen then I'd just accept that you can't please everyone and with three sets of parents to accommodate, you're doing your best. Otherwise you'll go mad trying to please everyone.

Thinking my parents and my in-laws live around 10 minutes apart.

My parents do things with the children that means the children want to see them. They will sit and listen to their endless rambles about their interests.

My in-laws however only invite to big family
look how lovely we are all are. Very much a show. They just lecture and then ignore.

So if I said to my children hey kids we are going on your dream holiday but you have to invite nanny and grandad Joan or nanny and grandad Jonah.

They would invite nanny and grandad Joan. Even though nanny and grandad Jonah are the richer grandparents. However they put in no effort.

I imagine your child is quite young so at some point you’ll spend more time in his home as he’ll have friends and activities and such. So at some point it will change anyway.

Really theres no way to make this fair but it seems really sad in some ways for your in-laws. Why don’t your parents visit you here sometimes? I do think having Christmas away every single year when in an international marriage is unfair - surely your in-laws deserve Christmas sometimes. Could you host and invite them all to you?

I didn’t think so because there were a couple of errors in it … but it is possible that I am wrong.

If (like me), you really don’t want to see AI generated posts, please come onto this thread and say so. It’s in site stuff and MN monitor threads there.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/5490256-posts-written-by-chat-gpt-and-other-ai

I can see why set 2 are a bit miffed to be honest. I think once a month is plenty for grandparents an hour + away. But set 1 gets seen a lot and set 3 get overnights and all the holidays and Christmas. It feels like they are just being squeezed in by comparison. Could you stay over with set 2 for occasionally and make it a 2 day visit?

Well it’s obvious who the favourite set are! But I don’t think it needs to be equal - if your DH would like to see him mother more, maybe he could take the kids without you or they could call down to share the driving? I imagine if his parents lived a flight away and yours were an hours drive it would be very different. Every xmas and all summer with yours sounds unfair and I can see why his mom is upset but if it works with you and your DH, that’s fine and sounds like some childhood issues still ongoing anyway. I think you are entitled to your stance but they are entitled to be annoyed/upset about it - I’d be really upset if that was how it ended up in my family when my kids are grown up, but I’m hoping I haven’t caused that much angst as a mom!

@Pinkmondays if DH asked you all to spend Christmas with MIL what would you say?

The OP. Her post was very very clearly written by ai.

Yes, it definitely was.

Who is this aimed at?

Stop using Chat GPT to write posts. It's honestly pathetic that you can't manage a short post without ai.