AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

Yes, she has doormat written all over her to be honest, her whole post was pathetically apologetic for daring to have feelings and perfectly normal wants. I

I really have no patience for doormat women anymore, they make their own crappy beds, so they have to just lie in them.

So basically shut you down immediately by being dismissive of the fact he'd fucked up?
This and the fact you didn't tell him exactly how you felt says a lot about your relationship, non of it good I'm afraid.
You stated earlier that he'd never intentionally do something to upset you but the fact he feels he can make decisions as big as this without speaking to you first and then essentially telling you to suck it up by being so dismissive says otherwise.

She probably would feel bad, yes, she has doormat written all over her.

I'd have messaged them, in a group message including husband immediately and said "Oh I'm sorry my husband seems to have mistakenly invited you on our much anticipated family trip that I have been planning for the four of us for ages. I'm sure you'll understand that it's only the four of us going on our family trip, sorry for his misunderstanding"

But then there's not the tiniest chance my husband would ever have treated me like this because a) he's a decent husband and b) he knows I'm not a Stepford Wife who tolerates this sort of shit 😃

How about a catch up in person with the other couple? I imagine you would gauge who's plan this was... And just tell them dh was a bit over zealous handing out an invite without discussion...

This is not good. He wants her there more than he wants to be with you. Agree with other poster that you are being naive OP.

I would just tell him no!
He needs to uninvite his friend and her husband and explain that it was HIS mistake. and he got all over excited by jumping the gun. Its your dream, once in a lifetime holiday ffs not a jolly to benidorm!
If hes worried about upsetting his friends then it just proves whose feelings he cares more about hurting which speaks volumes to me.
He can fix his blunder simple as that or you're not paying for it!

He absolutely knew you wouldn't want them to come with you. That's why he didn't discuss it with you first.

And he doesn't care that you were upset when he told you.
He just wants you not to show it.

And pay up.

Sadly I don't think you'll say anything to him, and you'll have the 'family trip of a lifetime' with his best friend and her family too.

I don't think it's about the gender, it's personal preference. My DH wouldn't mind if I invited my male friend and his family, he's a more the merrier type and extroverted. I'm the opposite and would not be happy with it.

Id be asked do why he wants his female best friend to come along on what should be a family holiday. I would be going mental. If youve only paid the deposit id be cancelling immediately and rethinking my marriage to this idiot

one of the things that most surprises me reading mumsnet is the lack of communication that exists in so many relationships.

it is usually explained away by saying ‘i don’t like confrontation’, but there should be no reason for confrontation when you’re voicing your opinion or simply stating your preference or disagreement about something.

it should just lead to a conversation between two equal adults.

Honestly @SleepySquirre1 I would be absolutely furious in your shoes. How dare your DH do this without talking to you first?

If they’ve already booked, I would cancel. If not, your DH can tell them that after discussing it with you, you have both decided you want just a family holiday.

You can’t go along with something so important to you, just to keep everyone else happy.

Not the more the merrier if you don’t want to holiday with friends. ‘Big’ holidays are for me and my immediate family. That’s how we like it. Having other people tag along wouldn’t make it better.

If my husband hadn't cancelled the invite I would have gone on the holiday and I know I'd have been in a mood the entire time n really wouldn't have enjoyed it. You need to get him to cancel the invite.

Since it's your husbands' holiday now, shouldn't he assume the responsibility of the rest of the planning and paying for?

My husband did something similar but thankfully it was only a week away in the UK. I went ballistic and made him cancel the invitation. He sulked for a bit. ..but We went and had a lovely time. No way would I want friends along on a holiday of a lifetime....

Not discussing it with you is wild to be honest. I can’t imagine any world where my husband would invite people to our family holiday without consulting me first. This should have been a joint decision. Not surprised you feel miffed and sad about it. Even if he uninvited them you’ll now feel bad over that too! All around just a bad move from him. I would let him know how you feel.

And by the way, he absolutely knows you didn't want this, but he wants it far more than he wants you to be happy.

Of course he does, unless he is brain damaged in some way. Amazing how he functions perfectly well all the time, moves through society functioning well, has a job, interacts with loads of people and is a fully paid up member of society - except when it comes to doing really shit things to his wife. Then, all of a sudden, he's clueless.

Stop being a doormat, it's truly pathetic, and never works out well for the one who's having boots wiped on their face.

OP, cancel this holiday as it is ruined for you now. Rebook a similar one or the same one but with different dates and stipulate to your DH that it is ONLY for you, him and your two children.

I would also bring it up when you are next in the company of both your DH’s best friend AND her husband. Something along the lines of “ How daft was DH NAME! Asking BEST FRIEND’S NAME if you all could come with us without checking with me first. Anyway we had to change dates/destination so that sorts that out. Men eh! What are they like.” This will get your point across nicely.

It’s also weird. As though one’s own family isn’t ever enough. Where does this end? Surely most people can recognise that the dynamics are different and that not everything is better when experienced in a crowd.

My dh did this once - l went fucking nuts at him and he did the puppy eyed oh but l thought you like them? I did but not enough to go away with them. Anyway they came on my 40th birthday holiday and it was fine but would have been better without them. He never did it again but years later l still haven't forgiven him.

Fuck his friendship, that's so deep and meaningful he can have long chats about how you will go along with their plans for YOUR holiday that YOU are paying for.

Obviously this ridiculous nonsense won't be happening, there won't be a long talk, you will stop pretending that having normal feelings means you're not being "calm" and stop letting him bully and gaslight you, and you will be saying"Don't be daft, you don't get to invite some other woman's family on our family trip without even asking me! It's a family trip, if you don't want to come with your family I will take my kids and you can pay to take your friend somewhere else instead"

Or words to that effect.

Otherwise, sign up for your "Pathetic doormat" tattoo across your forehead today.

Absolutely this. My husband and I cherish our time together as a couple and as a family because life is busy. Full of commitments and pleasing other people - family, friends, work etc. Holidays are time for us to spend alone as a family.
We’ve got friends who literally won’t go anywhere as a 4 - they have to go with other people and it really highlights that things aren’t great between them as a couple. Sad for their kids.

I really hate the faux confusion and naivety in posts like yours. Of course it makes a difference.

'...his best friend, and her husband....?'

Hmmm...

Please do speak up and let him know how you feel. It may be nothing has been formalised and without him mentioning it again they won’t book it.
Also if you don’t tell him how you feel then there’s every chance this will happen again.
Also I would imagine the resentment would build as you are making so many sacrifices to have the dream holiday that suddenly doesn’t feel quite as shiny.
im sure if it hasn’t been booked he can just say to them that on reflection you’d rather it was a family trip and that you’ll do something else together.