AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

It might be better for you and your kids @Pistachiocake

Whereas me and my children just prefer family time

He should have discussed it first. When is the holiday?

I would be furious with my DH if he did this. Especially as you will be sacrificing so much to make it happen.

I will say as someone who has taken children on safari a lot, having other children there can be helpful. The game drives can be up to 4 hours at a time, which actually translates into sitting in a bumpy open top car often starting very early. Kenya is incredible and I'm sure you will get lots of amazing wildlife viewings but it can be tough for kids as there is always a lot of staring at the empty bush thinking you have seen a lion when it turns out to be a rock.

I said you are not being unreasonable. He should have discussed this with you and not just decided.You need to talk to him and explain how you feel.

I would be fuming, going away with others means lots of compromises and more mental load logistics. Considering another family’s food preferences, booking meals for a larger group, having to be ready at certain times instead of going with the flow etc

Something similar happened to me, but it was my BIL that caused it. Me and DH had planned to go away just the two of us for his 50th. BIL got wind and decided he should come and then invited other people. In the end there were 8 of us!

We did go off on our own at times to do our own thing, but it wasn't the holiday I had envisioned.

Now his 60th is looming and BIL has already started asking what we are doing................

I honestly feel your DH needs to un-invite them, it's his problem to sort not yours.

I disagree. It’s why people don’t normally bring other people along with them on their honeymoon. It’s clearly a very special family holiday for the op. Bringing another family along is a whole different dynamic.

It sounds like the op and her family have very specific plans too. Unless the other family are prepared to properly tag along, they could in theory start suggesting other things the OP doesn’t want to do on her dream trip.

OP, you need to discuss this with your DH urgently and explain they cannot come.

Ask him how HE is paying for the holiday. Given that he's hijacked it.

This. I'd be fuming.

Irrespective, it's outrageous to not agree it with your spouse first

Did you actually communicate with him and tell him how it’s making you feel? Does he usually make big decisions without consulting you?
I’d have told him point blank there and then that it wasn’t happening.

Big affair red flags waving here

@SleepySquirre1 does your DH actually know the details of the holiday to pass on?

Stand your ground; tell him you’ll not be giving over the holiday details for anyone to book to join you guys. He’ll just have to un-tell his friend that they can come, he made a mistake and that this particular holiday is for the 4 of you only.

I do think it's better to go with others if you have kids. Siblings often squabble on long holidays, and having other kids makes things much better, and if you're the type of person who thinks men and women should do separate things, then you'll be able to have "girl time" with her. Plus you might get some couples time, if you and the other couple are willing to babysit so each of you gets some date nights. So all in all, unless there's something you've not mentioned, it sounds better this way. But if I were him, I'd have discussed it first.

I am actually viscerally angry about this and I don't even know you! This is so, so wrong. I can't believe anyone would do this without running it past their partner first, boggles the mind. Adding in the fact that you are actually funding it, it's your idea, and you were very clear about how excited you were about it just compounds the disrespect.

My husband and I don't even invite people round to ours without checking with the other person first so this would never, ever happen. Please use your voice and tell him that you're terribly hurt. Best case scenario he was just thoughtless, not deliberately being disrespectful.

If you only take yourself and the kids you won't have to save so much 😇

He's got two years to tell them he got the wrong end of the stick and uninvite them

We regularly take big, once in a lifetime style holidays with another couple rather than alone, so have no issues with joint hols, but I’d feel the same way in your circumstances. Unilaterally changing the dynamic of a really special family event is awful.

You certainly aren’t ungrateful about being upset that a holiday you are predominantly paying for has been changed so drastically without your input!! You are allowed to be upset and angry Op. He can see holidays differently and that’s fine. He can’t just change things to suit himself with no consultation. It’s his behaviour that’s the issue. Not the principle of wanting a joint holiday.

You need to tell him how you feel and not let him brush your opinions aside. He is not the only person in the family who has opinions that matter

I would be absolutely fuming. Even if he does uninvite her gracefully (without throwing a strop) it’s kind of taken the shine off it.

Personally I’d tell him that he can do all the planning for the trip as he clearly wants to take over… but I’m petty like that.

I’d be furious. It’s outrageous that he didn't discuss it with you first especially given you are the main breadwinner and will be busting a gut to pay for it. Also you will have to take them into consideration on holiday instead of just doing what you want. A short break
with them may be fine but a longer trip will have the chance for irritation to set in. How close is your husband to his (female) best friend ? What’s your marriage like generally does he always need the diversion of other people as opposed to spending intense time with just you and the kids. People I know like this are generally not happy in their marriages. Have you asked him why he chose to invite them ? As you are paying you could call the shots and say you are treating him and the kids and do not want anyone else to come , explain how you feel, you want quality time with just him and the kids so regrettably he will have to retract his invitation. See how he reacts.

I’d also wonder why it’s important for him that he feels she should be included on this once in a lifetime family holiday!

I would tell him absolutely not, that he needs to tell her he made a mistake before she puts any money down.

It’s not ok to move the goalposts with no discussion after you’d committed yourself by paying the deposit.

Just noticed my error - soz!

I’d be fuming that no discussion. We’ve been on group holidays before but generally discussed between us first.

I can see why he thought it would be fun to experience it with friends and the kids can entertain themselves etc to some degree….
but I’d be absolutely fucking furious that he’s done it without seeing how you feel about it first. Even if you change your mind I’d be telling him to uninvite them, let him sit in the discomfort for a while.

Complete unacceptable of him not to discuss with you first. If you feel as strongly about it as you do (and I would too, in your position), then you need to tell him and get him to explain to his friends that they can’t come. Of course, he’ll hate doing that and losing face, but tough, hopefully he’ll learn to discuss important things with you in advance next time. I would have this conversation with your DH sooner rather than later. If you leave it, the other family might make bookings, pay deposits etc. Do it now while it’s just an idea.