AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

If you don’t want or can’t be assertive then change the dates of your holiday and nearer the date of departure you can say you made a mistake on dates.

And quite possibly that most of his brain cells are in his dangly bits

This! You would not be at all unreasonable to be extremely pissed off about this, OP. Get him to explain to you why he thought it was acceptable to do this without discussing it first.

He’s very wrong to have not discussed this with you first. Is he expecting you to add them to the booking or has he provided them with all the booking details? Is it a done deal yet? If not, I would be having a non confrontational discussion with him about how you wanted family memories only as it’s something you are going to have to work really hard to fulfil and you want it to be special for the 4 of you. I say non confrontational, not because he doesn’t deserve an earful, but because you don’t want him spoiling the holiday if it does happen with sulking about his missing friend.

If it’s a done deal: I’ve been on Safari in Kenya twice, and the actual game drives had a maximum of 6 people to a vehicle, but most of the time it was just my family of 4 and a guide. So unless they have some much bigger vehicle you can expect (and you should request) the actual game drive portion (6 hours a day or thereabouts) to be just you and your immediate family. If you can splash out on a balloon ride, then actually having the other family with you will make that more fun rather than strangers in your basket. Outside of that it’s reading, birdwatching, sitting by the pool if they have one, maybe village visits and the like and then mealtimes. Having other kids for your kids to interact with during the down time might not be the worst thing in the world. This is me trying to look on the bright side if there’s no hope of reverting to the original plan - I would be very annoyed and a bit hurt as well in your circumstances.

His Reasoning won’t be anything more than he’s selfish and inconsiderate

Can you ‘engineer’ a change to your holiday plans along the lines of deferring or advancing departure dates……..and then ‘forget’ to tell the other family? Underhanded I know but no worse than what your DH has done is it?

I don’t like taking holidays with others either……all that waiting around for them to get ready, their kids throwing a strop because they don’t like the beach/shops/excursions/food, the parents thinking the sun shines out of their badly behaved kids arses!

I'd be furious and expect him to uninvite them!

I don't like to have holidays messed with!

What did you say to your DH when he informed you?

If you don't want them to come, then tell him so and tell him to uninvited them. Either he can or you will. Because it's a family holiday and not a more the merrier situation.

I’d be livid if my DH did this without us discussing and agreeing it beforehand. Tell him to rescind the invitation and that unless he does that, you’re cancelling the trip.

If you let him get away with ignoring your input on this occasion, he’ll carry on thinking he can act unilaterally whenever it suits him.

WTF have I just read. I am surprised that the other couple accepted the offer so readily as well without it having been discussed at all with you. Makes me wonder what he said to her ("WE would like you to come with us, WE invite you"), lying and assuming on your behalf most likely. Cancel cancel cancel. Any other red flags where this woman is concerned?

You need to find out what's really going on. This is not normal behaviour to invite others on a family holiday without discussing it with you at all. Si either he doesn't want to be alone with you as the only other adult they or he really doesn't care about your feelings at all.

Or the other family could have invited themselves without any regard of @SleepySquirre1. Whatever the reason it needs nipping in the bud or it will spoil the holiday.
You are allowed to say no and have boundaries!

No it's definitely not OK OP and I'd be very suspicious that he'd done it this way to back you into a corner. He's now gaslighting you into thinking you are being a funny bugger and this is normal behaviour, it isn't.

Many years ears ago my then DP and i were going away with my sister and her DP. We had paid half for the holiday. My sister suddenly announced that one of their (male) friends was going to book a flight out and stay in our apartment!!
DP & I said absolutely not, sister went mad at me. Turned out sister was having an affair with this bloke.

This. Your dreams/opinions/feelings matter, and are certainly more important than those of his bestie. If he finds it awkward, tough, it will be a valuable lesson for him.

A trip of a lifetime and his first thought was to invite his female friend? He didn't discuss with you so you had no say on the matter.

Dig deeper imo.

I’d be so annoyed. He should have asked you first before inviting them.

You need to take control and be assertive to his friend, tell her the truth that your husband blindsided you and hadn’t discussed it with you. This is a family only holiday not a short haul holiday that another family are welcome to join.
Of course your husband won’t be happy but he has to face up to the consequences of going over your head.

Well, it’s for him to say and it doesn’t appear that the OP has asked him. But I’d guess that he thought they all get along well and enjoy each other’s company, it’d be a wonderful thing to do as a group, the kids like each other and they’d all enjoy it. He probably got carried away with enthusiasm when he was telling this couple all about it and made the offer on the spur of the moment and didn’t think any more than that.

Obviously, you’re going to come back at me and say “well he should have…“. But that’s not the point. You’re asking me what his reasoning might have been.

He can put on his big boy outfit by cancelling his invitation.

I'd be so angry.

My father in law used to do this, and it used to drive us nuts. He was the most hospitable and generous of people and to him it just felt natural to share the love. He genuinely couldn't see why we were upset. But on a couple of occasions his gesture had repercussions that really spoiled the trips. My poor MIL...

Sigh.

So his 'best friend' is a woman. He's invited her (and her husband and kids, whatever) on your special holiday, behind your back, and then informed you of it without discussion so that you'd feel it was too late / too awkward to say anything. And now you're feeling guilty for being 'ungrateful' and doubting yourself.

Women.🙄

So what has he said now you've told him how you feel?

That is so disrespectful and selfish. He hasn't even discussed it, just presented it as a done deal. You should be angry and re evaluate where you stand in this relationship. You and your children have been relegated to a very poor second to his wants.
I would also question why his friend is so eager to join your family without some further discussion. Is she as self centred as your husband? Would she not ask him how @SleepySquirre1 would feel about us joining you all?
Please do not just give in and accept this. You need to establish boundaries and have a very serious conversation with your husband as to how he sees your role in your relationship. Selfish bastard.

Well that’s changed the entire dynamics of the holiday. Can’t be 100% yourself with another family with you. You need to tell him and get him to tell the friends he made a mistake and misread the situation before they are all paid up.

How is it going to work out financially and logistically? Are you paying absolutely separately for flights and accommodation? Will you be able to get the same flights and accommodation and the same tours? It sounds like a bit of a nightmare coordinating it all, what happens if they (or you) drop out at the last minute or you want to do different things while there?

It may all work out great and it may be nice to have other people there to share any difficulties or worries with, but like you it would take the shine off a bit for me, and getting 8 people organised instead of just your 4 may be a constant irritation.