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Original poster

AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

707 replies

SleepySquirre1 · 06/05/2026 09:23

Recently paid the deposit for what feels like a once-in-a-lifetime family holiday to Kenya for a safari. Our two kids are absolutely animal obsessed and honestly so am I, so this has been a dream of ours for years.

It’s going to involve a LOT of saving, sacrifices and cutbacks over the next year or two. I’m the main breadwinner and I know I’ll be working incredibly hard to make it happen, so in my head this trip became this really special “core family memories” holiday for the four of us.

Last night my husband announced the “good news” that he’d invited his best friend, her husband and their children to come too, and they’re apparently joining us. Their children are slightly younger than ours but they all get on really well. For context, I genuinely really like them, they are good fun and we’ve had lovely shorter breaks together before.

I think part of what has upset me is that there was absolutely no discussion with me beforehand. It was presented as a done deal rather than something we decided together, which has made me feel a bit blindsided if I’m honest.

But instead of feeling excited, I just felt… flat. Sad, almost. I think because in my mind this was meant to be something really special for our little family. I love spending time with just my husband and with my husband and kids, whereas he’s much more of a “the more the merrier” type person.

And now I feel awful even admitting this, but some of the excitement has gone out of it for me to the point where part of me almost wouldn’t mind if the holiday didn’t happen at all. Which sounds dramatic considering it’s going to be such an amazing trip.

I know we’ll still have a lovely time and I know I sound ungrateful. But part of me feels disappointed that these big memories the kids look back on won’t just be ours.

AIBU to feel upset by this? Or am I being unfair because he just sees holidays differently to me?

OP posts:
Auburndi · 06/05/2026 10:33

It’s sad that he doesn’t feel the same as you do about the emotional significance of the holiday, but if he doesn’t he doesn’t.

But it is absolutely disgraceful that he invited others along without discussing it with you first. Whether or not the children will enjoy having them there is completely beside the point. Does he act like that about other things? I couldn't live with such a selfish, thoughtless, autocratic person.

Topseyt123 · 06/05/2026 10:32

I'd be beyond furious at this. I'd be especially uncomfortable with this best friend being a woman.

It's so utterly tone deaf of him. It will change the whole dynamic of your planned holiday. I'd definitely be telling him that no, this ISN'T HAPPENING. He could uninvite them and stop behaving like a pillock. I'd tell him that.

2Rebecca · 06/05/2026 10:31

I would be concerned that my husband didn’t feel My company was sufficient adult company for this holiday and he needed someone else. I would tell him how upset I am that he did this without any sort of discussion and that they are mainly his friends

busyd4y · 06/05/2026 10:31

Tricky one as you say you actually don't mind them coming on the holiday but you can't have a do over of the inviting process

Other than very clearly explain why what he did was wrong I'm not sure what other options you have

ChickenBananaBanana · 06/05/2026 10:29

Have you TALKED TO HIM?

sillysmiles · 06/05/2026 10:28

Firstly he absolutely should not have asked anyone before talking to you. To me thats is the only issue.

My reading of what you are saying is that you've attached huge "core memory" significance to this trip.
He is seeing it as a cool trip let's all go.

The issue is the not talking about it.

Leavesandthings · 06/05/2026 10:28

Your opening post is written like it's a done deal now that your husband has announced his friends are coming.
You mention feeling flat and like the excitement has gone, as if it is decided after last night.

It's not!
Your paying for the holiday!
Your husband has been selfish and utterly disrespectful of you.

Tell him "I don't want Sally there. It's a family holiday this time. Tell them you were wrong and got carried away".

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/05/2026 10:27

Absolutely outrageous on the part of your DH. ExDP did that to me many years ago and it was just a normal holiday. I was furious. Looking back on it, he probably didn’t ask me in advance because he knew I’d probably say no - I like my peace and quiet.

ViolaPlains · 06/05/2026 10:25

SleepySquirre1 · 06/05/2026 10:17

Wow. Thank you so much for all the replies. I really didn’t expect this to be quite so one sided or to so many responses.
I know my husband would argue that the kids will have a better time having friends there, and that may well be true. I think that’s partly why I’ve felt guilty and a bit selfish for being upset about it, because logically I can absolutely see the positives too.
I also know some people have suggested there could be more than friendship between my husband and his best friend. I can understand why people might jump to that conclusion from my post, but honestly that isn’t something I’m worried about at all. I completely trust him. He’s known her as long as he’s known me and she genuinely is probably his closest friend.

I don’t think your children will need any company to keep them happy/occupied on a holiday like this.

Dollymylove · 06/05/2026 10:24

I would be pissed off too. Its having to factor in other peoples wants and needs as well as your own. Are they flying with you and staying at the same place?
Will they want to do different things on different days?
Will you be railroaded into going along with what others want?
If its going ahead you need to get together will the other family and discuss how everything is going to pan out before everything is fully booked and paid for

tellmesomethingtrue · 06/05/2026 10:24

He fancies her.

ViolaPlains · 06/05/2026 10:23

I’d be livid. He should not do something like that without getting your agreement first.

limegreenheart · 06/05/2026 10:22

I'd be shocked that he invited someone else along without discussing and both agreeing. (It would be unreasonable, rude, inconsiderate, and probably kind of passive-aggressive for a travel companion to do this, let alone your actual husband!!) Even if I were HAPPY, after consideration, to have the additional people along, I'd be extremely worried about how he views the relationship (or perhaps whether he just doesn't have any regard or consideration for ANYONE but himself). I'd at the very, very least make it clear that he needs to tell you truthfully how he thought this was OK - why not propose the idea to you BEFORE inviting the friends?? - and assure you that nothing like this will happen again. If I still didn't want them along, I wouldn't feel guilty about requesting that he disinvite them - ASAP, though, as they'll also have been making plans, telling their children, etc. What a completely unnecessary mess!

shhblackbag · 06/05/2026 10:22

I would be unbelievably angry and ask him what the hell he was thinking. Frankly. Are your children impressed?

He sounds selfish as fuck.

SpryCat · 06/05/2026 10:22

The reason I find it suspicious is because it’s a once in a lifetime holiday! It’s going to take the OP two years to pay for it so why the hell would you invite another family on a very special family holiday. To me it’s akin to inviting them on date nights continuously and that would definitely be a red flag to me.

Tweetybye · 06/05/2026 10:21

How are people this stupid?

I wouldn't even invite a friend to a cinema trip without checking with the person(s) I originally agreed to go with.

I feel like people need to be told this out loud. 'Are you stupid? Why would you invite them without discussing it with me first?'. Your DH needs to feel stupid and embarrassed so the next time he thinks of doing something idiotic he might pause and think first.

Purplewarrior · 06/05/2026 10:21

I wouldn’t agree to this. Can you change your dates?

Moveoverdarlin · 06/05/2026 10:20

GotMoxy · 06/05/2026 10:18

I think the real question here is why are you posting on Mumsnet about this instead of telling him you're not happy that he's made this decision without talking to you.

It speaks to deeper issues in your relationship if you can't tell him you're not happy and it's extremely inappropriate to invite people without talking to you first.

Does he often bully doze over the top of you? Why are you being so passive?

I would be having a good hard think about the power imbalance in your relationship.

I also think your may be a little naive about the relationship with his best friend. Emotional affairs are just as common as physical ones. I would watch your back there if I were you, especially as they are making decisions with you as an afterthought and using the emotional blackmail of the kids as leverage.

Keep your eyes open. That's all I'll say.

Edited

Exactly. If my DH told me this, I would say ‘No fucking way. Not what I was planning at all. Tell them there has been some confusion. Fix it.’

Error404FucksNotFound · 06/05/2026 10:20

You really need to tell him its not ok to invite people without first seeing how you would feel about it.

Moveoverdarlin · 06/05/2026 10:18

I just wouldn’t feel bad about being deflated or sad, you are completed justified. I would kick-off. I would tell him really frankly ‘This was a dream family holiday for me, I will be working my fucking socks off to pay for it, there is no way on earth I envisaged Sarah, Pete and their kids being on MY once in a lifetime holiday. How fucking odd! Yeah they’re fine for four days in Devon, but two weeks in Kenya on a 10 grand holiday??? Why on earth didn’t you run it past me? Aside from houses and cars, holidays are a massive purchase, I can’t believe you think ‘more the merrier’ when I feel this is precious family time. You categorically tell them, this isn’t happening. Awkward I know, but there is no way this is happening.’

GotMoxy · 06/05/2026 10:18

I think the real question here is why are you posting on Mumsnet about this instead of telling him you're not happy that he's made this decision without talking to you.

It speaks to deeper issues in your relationship if you can't tell him you're not happy and it's extremely inappropriate to invite people without talking to you first.

Does he often bully doze over the top of you? Why are you being so passive?

I would be having a good hard think about the power imbalance in your relationship.

I also think your may be a little naive about the relationship with his best friend. Emotional affairs are just as common as physical ones. I would watch your back there if I were you, especially as they are making decisions with you as an afterthought and using the emotional blackmail of the kids as leverage.

Keep your eyes open. That's all I'll say.

Tink3rbell30 · 06/05/2026 10:18

I wouldn't mind but everyone is different and this "my little family" "just our little family unit" is just a no. It will be nice to have good friends as company, the kids will love having their friends with him too. It won't take away from the holiday. He should have consulted with you first though.

Original poster
SleepySquirre1 · 06/05/2026 10:17

Wow. Thank you so much for all the replies. I really didn’t expect this to be quite so one sided or to so many responses.
I know my husband would argue that the kids will have a better time having friends there, and that may well be true. I think that’s partly why I’ve felt guilty and a bit selfish for being upset about it, because logically I can absolutely see the positives too.
I also know some people have suggested there could be more than friendship between my husband and his best friend. I can understand why people might jump to that conclusion from my post, but honestly that isn’t something I’m worried about at all. I completely trust him. He’s known her as long as he’s known me and she genuinely is probably his closest friend.

OP posts:
User765342 · 06/05/2026 10:15

His best friend being female is a massive, massive red flag! He's probably been planning this trip with her in mind or keeping her updated on all the details with the intent of inviting them along. She and her husband obviously knew about everything from the start, and have been making their own preparations. Wouldn't be surprised at all if he actually ran the dates past them before even discussing it with you.

A safari is a very unique and expensive type of holiday. Very few families, even extremely wealthy ones, can spontaneously join a safari if they're not mentally and financially prepared for it. So this was clearly something he discussed in depth with his friend and maybe something he knew she always wanted to do.

I'm not suggesting he's having an active affair or anything but OP is definitely being played. This was a plan set up by the husband and his "platonic" but emotionally close female best friend. He has always wanted to go on a safari holiday with HER, not his own family.

SIMPLYLOVELIES · 06/05/2026 10:14

Ok so firstly OP I don't blame you for being pissed off with DH I would be too..... my DH once invited friends on our date night, we hadn't been away from the kids in months and I was really looking forward to just having us time, as was he but we also hadn't seen friends in a proper social setting either and didn't know when we would next get the opportunity, so the idiot DH thought "why don't we kill 2 birds with one stone" I went mental at him and he did cancel the plans with friends and we invited them over to ours the weekend after for take away an drinks (with the rabble present) he genuinely didn't even think when he invited them and it was more his friend mentioned getting together and he opened his big gob and invited them....... I would imagine this has been similar or his friend has said "oh that will be amazing I'd love to do that" and your DH hasn't thought and said "oh why don't you look at coming along" he has probably not thought passed that moment.

I think some of the posts on here basically accusing OP DH or having an affair are bang out of order. Had he been best friends with the male of the family no1 would have assumed that it's wrong to jump to conclusions this is someone's life and family putting thoughts like that into OP's mind is not on. Men and women can be friends guys it's not all sexual jeeeez we're in 2026 guys....