AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

But there is no negotiation happening with OP’s husband. So what point of view poster was seeing? It’s not okay to invite people without discussing with wife.

I know what you mean, but if you already know you all get on well, especially all the kids! - it may turn out very well.

When ours were all 8 - 16 sort of ages, we had some brilliant holidays with a family with who were close friends. I should add that I’d normally be wary of holidaying with other people except family - you need to know them VERY well, since people’s tastes and ideas of what’s nice or acceptable, can vary so enormously.
🤞 it all goes well.

Wow. Your husband is very, very unreasonable here. I’m sorry. I would have to insist that he retract his offer. I would assume it’s too soon for them to have booked anything?

I don't think it's odd having a best friend of the opposite sex however he was totally wrong to invite them without discussing it with you first and it being a joint decision. If you want it to be just you, he needs to retract that invitation pronto.

I'd be telling him to uninvite them and asking why he didn't think to consult you first.

Aside from that, in my experience "the kids will have a better time" also tallys with "we won't have to do as much with them as they can go off and play, are less likely to squabble and we can get some peace." I know a more the merrier family who very rarely do anything just them and this is a large part of why.

No way would I like this!
We did a similar big trip a couple of years ago - it was amazing and the best holiday we've ever done. I would have hated having another family with us!
Camping or short holidays - sure. Big holidays - no way!

For me- a sunny summer holiday in Europe in say a villa or hotel can be really fun to share with a family you are close to and kids/adults get on well. Even with that though, we often split some of the holiday with friends/some moving on to another place just our family. As you can have too much of a good thing! There are ALWAYS niggles of some sort, whether over money/activities/kids/adults relationships. Plus it is so important to be and bond together as a family unit. But a trip of a lifetime like this? This is an intimate, close family experience. Not some jolly jaunt to share with friends but to have wonderful experiences and create special memories just as family and really cherish this. He is 100% fully out of order and I would be asking him to let them know after discussion you have decided to just do this as family but look forwards to other experiences together. Do not back down on this as think you will regret it forever.

Oh my goodness, I would be fuming! Doesn't matter how much I liked them. This is your holiday of a lifetime. The last thing you want is to have others to have to consider. Are their kids going to fuss about where to eat? Are the parents going to want to do different things to you, have a different budget?

On another note, and please feel free to disregard this, I wouldn't be happy if my husband's best friend was a female.

You sound like you're very used to doing mental gymnastics to keep the peace instead of being authentic to your own thoughts and emotions.

Has this been a theme throughout your marriage or something you've learnt from childhood? Or perhaps both if you're conflict avoidant.

You are allowed a voice and an opinion and it's just as valid as anyone else in your family. Being a doormat to others isn't healthy either. Avoiding the argument is not healthy in the long run, it just means resentment will fester. Also stating your opinion doesn't have to be an argument. Saying how you feel doesn't have to be confrontational.

If in the past simply saying how you feel has been framed to look like you're being confrontational, then it is not a healthy environment or relationship. As I said, this may have shed light on some deeper issues you really need to reflect on.

Why do you see that as odd? OP has already explained that one. My two closest friends are women. I have no intention of trying it on with either of them 🤷

I wonder if he was telling her about the trip, and she said it's something she wanted to do, and he's invited her without even considering you? I definitely think the inviting without discussing with you is not on, and I can see why you wanted it to be a family thing.

Hopefully his best friend is on mumsnet, reads this, realises what a selfish husband her best pal has been and gracefully makes excuses and bows out of the whole thing.

Either way, tell him 'no way' and that's an end to it. Why are his wife and children not enough to entertain him on any holiday, let alone a holiday of a lifetime?

You booked a trip of a lifetime for your family and he decided what would make it even better is if his best female friend was there. So he invited her without asking you first.

Yeah, I’d be more than just disappointed. I’d be livid.

You have a big DH problem @SleepySquirre1 he believes your feelings don’t matter. That is a one sided relationship and it sounds like he doesn’t like spending time as a family so he invites other people to make it bearable for him.
If you can’t discuss anything with him without it turning into conflict because he has to always get his own way then he sees you as unimportant, you are there to fund his decisions.

It would make me very uncomfortable with their relationship. Her coming was more important to him than your partnership and your opinion which he didn’t seek

I posted because I have been on holidays with friends - different ideas of a good time, different bedtimes for DCs, different too much -don’t do it

Do your husband's friend and their family consistently join you on holiday?

OP I appreciate you may not want to potentially open a can of worms - but do you want to tell us what you’ve let go in the past . It might help decide whether he is definitely a tit … or just being a bit dense

I would text him now if not together and ask him to tell his friend you’d rather just have the family holiday you planned and that he hadn’t discussed inviting other people with you

Why is your husband’s best friend another woman?

It is unacceptable that he did not discuss it with you first.
Have you said this?

I’d hate that. If it’s a couple of years time can you get your deposit back or reschedule. I’d do that and book nearer the time once I had saved up so they can’t come.

Oh no oh no oh no - don’t let them come too. Especially if they’re younger -possible scenario -little ones grumpy tired - oh well wives will disappear for an hour + to sort bed time (difficult in strange room)- little ones food fussy, won’t sit at table - meal times wearing and noisy. Little ones bored on yet another jeep trip - maybe mums stay back and have a swim, dads take older ones …………..

tell him NO

just realised it’s a female friend -so DH and friend sit up late having drinks and watching the sunset. Well they are on holiday!

A safari is a fabulous holiday , but it is tiring and can be quite hard work involving early rises and kids are probably better not too young . Not sure how well travelled your DC are - but if they’ve only been on conventional package holidays - then it all going to feel quite different - and some of what they see may feel quite scary . Our transfer taxi was stopped by the police to extract a bribe from the driver . I’m not sure I would want to navigate those issues other than in my own family group .

Your DH overstepped on this one I think .

edited to add that it is possible to organise your own separate safari drives as a family - obviously more expensive but good to do with DC