AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

I'd be fuming, it changes the dynamic totally. Sometimes it's lovely to go away with friends but I'm not sure this is the right time, plus you should have been asked. Smaller kids on a safari all friends together is tricky - you have to be quiet and patient....

This happened to my friend and unfortunately her husband was having an emotional (and I strongly suspect physical) affair. Please don't take it lightly.

I’m sorry to be blunt OP but I think you need to get your head out of your arse and look at what is highly likely to be going on. I have very good male friends. My DH has good female friends. Since we have all been together a long time we, the friends in question and their partners are all friends together. Appreciating that everyone is different, but we no longer differentiate between “my friends” and “your friends” as we all hang out together. Maintaining this distinction, particularly with people of the opposite sex when everyone is married or in relationships, to us would feel weird and inappropriate.

I'd say I'm more like your husband in the sense that I'm a more the merrier person too, especially if they're going to bring other kids that can help entertain mine 😂 but I'd never just invite them without asking my husband. That's mental!!
We have a group of 4 couples and we holiday together sometimes, it works really well as the kids are all together, adults can take turns playing with them in the pool etc. But we're not glued to the hip and will have days/evenings separate which is really nice.

They can still go! Just not on the same trip as OP. They could go a week later (or a year later), or to a different camp.

Yup! I’m the extrovert and have quite a few times got carried away ( according to introvert DP!) over the years and had to roll back an invitation or two…

But make absolutely sure that your booking is not tied in any way to the other family’s.

I also vote for speaking to the woman- I wouldn’t bother telling him beforehand either.

‘Best friend’ 🚩

I think you’re being really naïve op.

Even if there’s not something more than friendship going on it’s a shitty thing for your dh to do. You are right to feel upset.

If my best friend had invited me then came to me and said - sorry but I didn’t check and this was supposed to be a family holiday I would be TOTALLY fine with that.
The kids won’t necessarily have a better time with friends on a holiday like that - in fact the friends might be a distraction from all there is to see there.
Sometimes -esp.longhaul - it’s just easier to travel as a family rather than as a grp

judging by the last post seems that op is quite used to this from husband and has been brainwashed into thinking having her own opinion about this would ‘damage’ something. the whole point in talking to your husband about this is that something changes. like he starts respecting your wishes. stand up for yourself op, i would not in a million years agree to go on this holiday in this set up - you are also the higher earner - he’s taking you for a fool. this can change but you need to stand up for yourself without worrying about damaging friendships

This is a very wise post.

Oh dear, this kind of thing tends to happen when extroverts marry introverts.

Maddening that he didn't ask you first. I'd be annoyed too. Have the other family booked yet? If not, your husband is going to have to un-invite them.

Alternatively, maybe you could adjust your mindset and see it as a trip of a lifetime with these dear friends, which will also be a ton of fun?

I know a couple like this who are now divorced. He too was a more the merrier type. Never in 15 years have I walked into their house, or spoke to my friend without someone else there or randomly over. They never did a thing as just a family of them and the kids. Never ever. He would absolutely do something like this too.
I would be so bloody angry and just not want to go. How dare he do this without discussing it with you. And why did SHE not even contact you to check something like this.

Realistically, I doubt he would uninvite them even if I asked, because neither of us would want to damage the long lasting friendship over this.
If this were me and not the OP I would not want them along.
I would meet the woman and explain it to her, she is your friend, and therefore should understand that your DH was out of order in not talking to you first.
She should as a friend understand the difference between a holiday and a 'trip of a lifetime'. Two women might settle this by both understanding all the issues.

I wouldn’t be at all happy about this. A lot can change in two years as well, the kids could fall out or grow out of the friendship. Previously we’ve been away with friends and different parenting styles clash (they are more over protective, so I felt like the bad guy letting my kids do things, causing theirs to whine at them when they said no).

I’d bloody hate that. He’d be un-inviting asap!

You are being far too much of a doormat accommodating OP.

If the friendship is that great, saying "oh no, I've put my foot in it with the Mrs - she wanted a family holiday, let's go camping together instead" isn't going to ruin anything. YANBU to insist that a holiday of a lifetime is for your family alone. The kids want core memories with their parents, not friends of their father.

I feel like this is one of those occasions you'll be looking back on in five years thinking "and remember the safari? Why didn't I see what was really going on back then!"

Best of luck OP.

I would be so mad.

For me it’s irrelevant if it’s a trip of a lifetime or camping in Wales, you do not invite anyone without prior discussion!

My best friend is a man, friends since our teens, and no way I’d be inviting him and his wife for a once in a lifetime trip. Nor would he invite me.

I know you said it’s not the case but I’d be doing some digging.

I’d be furious about that. When I go on holiday with my family I want to be away from everything and everybody.

I'd be fucking livid! How dare he unilaterally change your holiday plans!

I'd tell him to tell them he made a mistake and the holiday is for your family only. If they want to go on safari there's nothing stopping them going any other time.

When you discuss this with your husband if he tries to make out you are selfish and need to put him and his friends first and disregard your own feelings then he is being manipulative. He will tell you he can’t uninvite them because it will harm his friendship, their kids are so excited now and every excuse will have you painted as the villain in it all. He doesn’t care about you being upset he cares more about his and his friend’s feelings and just wants you to shut up and compromise as usual.
You are allowed to have your own opinions and feelings and your husband should not be disregarding you as a non entity.
Your husband is a selfish wanker intent on only pleasing himself and looking great in front of his friends.

Honestly, I don't think I could make that amount of sacrifice, saving and hard work for a holiday I wasn't 100% on board with. The resentment will just build and build...