AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

This. Urgently! Don't be passive.

If he has known this woman as long as he has you surely she would be a joint friend by now! You mix with her, her husband and children yet she is your husband’s best friend?

And yes I suspect it's not that tricky to say he got a little carried away and hadn't thought through the logistics, so how about we do something together next year instead that's a little closer to home etc

Fuck that. There's no way I'd go a long time of sacrifices for something amazing when my husband had make a decision like that without asking me first. Talk about being taken for granted.

I'd tell him he was out of order and that I'm seriously considering sacking it off because of it.

I don't see why it's a big deal. Just contact your friends directly and explain that it was a miscommunication/misunderstanding and that this was meant to be a family trip. I'm sure they will understand. Do it now before your friends start rearranging their whole schedule around this trip. Then tell your husband not to do anything like that again!

I also think this is really different from camping in Wales or even a villa in the Algarve. Not the principle of him inviting them without talking to you first, but the sense of a once in a lifetime trip, and the price alone - especially as you are having to fund the bulk of it. This sort of holiday needs to be savoured, slowly. Hanging with friends is fun but it might distract from the magic of a safari, and seeing it through your children's eyes. And this is coming from someone who loves nothing more than summer drinking on holiday with friends...

I don't think any reasonable person would lose a friendship over a misunderstanding over a big holiday. There might be a little disappointment but so what - you are disappointed now OP.

If they aren't reasonable - they aren't real friends, so sod em.

He must un-invite them.

I know. Even if he isn't in love with her for an adult man to have a 'best friend' who is married woman is all kinds of wtf.

"MyFellowScroller · Today 12:56
Realistically, I doubt he would uninvite them even if I asked, because neither of us would want to damage the long lasting friendship over this.
If this were me and not the OP I would not want them along.
I would meet the woman and explain it to her, she is your friend, and therefore should understand that your DH was out of order in not talking to you first.
She should as a friend understand the difference between a holiday and a 'trip of a lifetime'. Two women might settle this by both understanding all the issues."

This. Honestly, @SleepySquirre1 - there's a lot that's odd about this. Firstly, you're the main earner and yet you act as if your powerless in your relationship with your DH and as if you are constantly having to keep him sweet. Why is that? What did you learn about relationships growing up - that the woman always submits to the man? Why is this your paradigm? What does your DH bring to the relationship apart from taking you for granted and being Mr the More the Merrier?

Also, you say he has known his female best friend as long as he has known you. Again, that sounds a bit odd - are you saying that alongside developing a romantic relationship with you, he was nurturing this strong close friendship with another woman? My DH has some close female friends; I have some close male friends, but we clearly prioritise each other. It doesn't sound like your DH prioritises you. DH and I also go away on short breaks with various friends but none of us would expect to be invited on each other's main family holidays.

There's something about this friendship that doesn't sit right. You are right to be upset that, at some level, he doesn't consider it enough just to be on safari with you and your 2 shared children. He wants to bring along his female bestie and her family. As someone said upthread, it all feels like you have been a bit naive or at least too easy-going. And you have already said that you would rather give into your DH than look after your own interests, so the truth is that things do matter to you and you are not happy with all his choices but for some reason until now you have allowed yourself to be walked over than stand up to him. This isn't okay, OP. It's bad for you and it's also bad role-modelling for your children.

As you’re the main earner does he feel emasculated so you have to tip toe round him and let his ego inflate by allowing him to have full control of every decision? I’d tell Fred Flintstone to come out of his cave and wise up!

His female best friend? That changes the dynamic somewhat

I always pick the end alone. That way I can look forward to them leaving rather than dreading them arriving.

Can you tell dh’s family have tagged along before 😅

The other couple must be equally as stupid as the dh.

I couldn't imagine chatting to a friend, them saying 'oh we're off on holiday you must come with us' without me saying sounds lovely but have a word with your dp and dc, see what they think and let me know.

Do you usually holiday with them?

If not, why this holiday?

I'd feel like leaving him to pay & sort it all now.

When is it booked for?

You are way too passive, @SleepySquirre1 . I hate conflict too, and my MIL (I mentioned that my FIL did stuff like this) was the most accepting of people. But it's have gone ballistic in your situation, and even MIL would go mad at FIL when he did this.

I'm struggling to imagine how that first conversation went. When he told you, did you just go, 'oh, okay'?

I think talking to him is really important, OP, so it’s really positive you’ve decided to do that — even if it won’t change anything re this trip, as you say, it might mean he thinks twice before doing something similar again.
TBH, it’s the kind of thing I can imagine either me or my DH doing — without necessarily meaning to (and certainly not setting out to ride roughshod over the other’s feelings): chatting to friends about this amazing trip we’ve booked; friends say gosh, that sounds lovely, would love to do something like that — and I could easily get carried away and on the spur of the moment say why don’t you come too…? But I can see why it might be upsetting to be on the receiving end of such a big change in plans — which is why I think it’s good you’re going to talk to him about it.

I hope you can still enjoy the trip once you feel a bit less blindsided by it all.

"Id honestly be trying to move my dates if possible even if only a few days so the whole holiday isn’t taken up with the extras"

That's a good idea actually. You can make an excuse around the changed dates but at least would give you the start of your hols together.

All those months of extra work and scrimping are going to be much harder knowing this isn't the holiday you wanted Op. Your DH invited them, now he can un invite them.

He should have asked you before he invited anyone. Even if it was the king himself.

If honestly be trying to move my dates if possible even if only a few days so the whole holiday isn’t taken up with the extras.

Making dh know perfectly well that although I hope he didn’t have bad intentions that it had really upset up me and that I was actually no longer looking forward to the holiday anymore as he had a compelled disregard for my feelings or for our family time on such a big holiday.

Totally agree
Plus the way he bulldozed her into this

This.

The destination does not matter. He should've discussed it with you. It shows complete disregard for your feelings.

Why are you paying for it, can't he also up his hours to chip in?

No. This is what happens when men carry a light for the woman they really wanted to marry but they’ll settle for someone who won’t ever challenge him staying ‘best friends’ with his real love, and he can cover his tracks well enough to spend time and holidays with her.

He should have asked you first as a courtesy

I think he's been profoundly selfish op and I'd be absolutely livid. Is he on your team or not? I can't believe he'd assume it's fine to change plans attached to such a significant amount of family money without discussing it with his wife who is paying for it. At the very least he should have come to you first and asked what type of holiday you are wanting to get for your money and then suggested inviting them. For him to make a unilateral decision about something so important is a big betrayal in my mind. I'd really struggle to get past this and I would be trying to get my deposit back as well. How dare he.