AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

No, the silly wording.

I wouldn't be paying a penny towards it after the complete disregard shown, and I certainly wouldn't be working hard for a holiday I didn't feel excited about anymore.

Some safari parks have VIP overnight stays (West Midlands does one I think) with keeper /animal experiences. I'd be taking the children to one of those and wishing DH a happy holiday with his best buddy chum, if he can afford it that is.

Maybe the side that he's a typical (sorry for generalizing) clueless doofus male??

I agree its an excitement bubble busting move...but hopefully just truly clueless, thinking the more the merrier. If it were me and I didn't address it, it would fester til I erupted in anger and called the whole thing off...particularly as the payer! This was intended as a family memory maker, lifelong dream realized and saved for, to be celebrated with family unit. Not a wknd at the beach.

Surely both dh and friends (HIS bf and fam?? Whether you like them or not its a bit much) will understand. If not...take the kids and go without.

How odd! It’s absolutely not ‘twee nonsense’ to want to spend time with your own family on holiday, rather than other people’s.

Yes I know what you mean - but in this case she'd be saving and paying for something she doesn't want. Something which her DH has actively changed without discussing with her at all. Where did the meaning of marriage arise there I wonder.

The memories will be just as good if another family are there, potentially even better as there’s the option of both couples getting a chance to have a child free evening one night or at least an hour which the others watch all four kids, you can also pool resources as needed. Odd he didn’t ask but my suspicion it’s one of those conversations that get out of hand eg him telling her about the trip, her saying she wanted to do similar and him saying you should join us ..,

My first question would have been, “does she know you didn’t even ask me first?”

Because that tells you a great deal about both of them.

I'd like to think you'd be able to get this whole thing undone... (it's still unclear as to whether they are booked/if he knows enough details of the trip to be able to have arranged this or if he's expecting you to sort it all out after having slung the invitation their way - if it's the latter there's chance there's no more room on your departure already or it would at least be easier to uninvite).

If you do end up going en masse, I wonder if there's anyone you'd like to invite to even things out a bit? Also, someone mentioned earlier about going to bed with the kids whilst he stays up with his mate... I'd say that's a situation I'd like to avoid at all costs! Make sure things like this are agreed before you go away - things like you retire as a family or the evenings are taken in turns to avoid any further resentment. I suppose it depends on the trip but it's possible you could get split between vehicles etc so it's possible you might get a bit of space.

Hope you manage to find something that will help you feel better about this all OP.

Op is going to be working extra hard to pay for a trip she now doesn’t want to go on because her not so ‘d’h screwed up. He didn’t think enough of her to have a discussion, just announced a fait accompli. Not on. Whatever the trip.

That’s crazy and completely out of order. I too would be livid. He needs to cancel the invitation asap before they book anything.

I hate to say that I do also agree with other comments about your DH’s female best friend. This is all very strange and it might be worth digging a little deeper here.

It's twee nonsense.

I’m not sure a safari holiday is the most social of holidays for 2 families. You are up before sunrise. Quick breakfast and then out in a jeep. It’s very unlikely your friends will be in your jeep. Some of the lodges we stayed in had set places for dinner, so you may not be able to sit together to eat. And then everyone is in bed early because you’ve got to get up before sunrise.

Also, I’m not sure how old any of the DC are, but the days are long! And the jeeps are uncomfortable. My DC were 16 and 18 when we went on safari and whilst they loved it, they did find it tough going.

I would be furious if my DH invited anyone without checking it with me first. I’d be telling him all of the above and suggest he tells them a bucket and spade holiday another time would be a better idea.

@SleepySquirre1 "I know my husband wouldn’t deliberately want to upset me, and I also know just how much he enjoys the company of his friend. "

I bet he does. Watch your back with his special "friend" OP. And I don't think your DH gives a toss about whether you're upset or not. I mean you are upset, and he doesn't care.

Exactly this.

Forget trying to be 'the cool wife' who just merrily goes along with things because it's all jolly good fun and you're just being a bit daft brigade.

The OP is clearly upset and has had an emotional reaction to the situation. That's what she needs to understand and get to the bottom of.

Why is there no laughing emoji on Mumsnet. I laughed out loud here because that's it in a nutshell. 🎯

So you're saying that you and your DH discussed dates, the type of itinerary you want, the hotel, flights, transfers, board basis, etc. for a holiday of a lifetime that will costs thousands of pounds and on mentioning it to his friend, she booked the exact same holiday immediately?

No one does that. There has to be a lot more discussion. Have the friends even booked it yet. Something about this story doesn't add up.

Fairy nuff.
Invite your friends too...
See how that goes down.

Oh he's horrible!

Sorry, but the real issue here is that you can't tell him how you feel and you're worried about the friends' reaction if you withdraw the invitation but he's not worried about yours. You need to sit him down, tell him you are deeply upset he did this without discussing it first, tell him the whole trip is ruined for you and if he tries sulking, you know exactly where you stand in his order of importance.

Why is it 'just a no'? Are people not allowed to just want to go away with their family?

But money in a marriage is JOINT money. By law. Sharing of assets and money is literally the cornerstone of the legal and moral framework of marriage.

Yes, he should have asked.

But this 'I paid more therefore...' is daft.

I see your point but both partners should get a say in the family holiday irrespective of their salary proportions. The problem here is OP is getting no say. It just adds insult to injury that she's the one mainly paying for it.

Oh yes! I'd forgotten the bit where OP is paying most of it too. Grrr OP seriously this man is so disappointing.

I don't get from her posts she's worried about the relationship. In fact she clarifies she is not.

My husband is also a more the merrier type. He once invited his bestie on our anniversary dinner. I can assure you he is not having an affair with his bestie (a man). There is no harm intended and no control or anything evil. He just thinks more people = more fun.

Obvs the OP can divorce him. But she can't change him.

If he wants to arrange holidays unilaterally and without consultation, then he needs to be paying for them.