Thought on this? DS school situation..

My daughter is 3 years into waiting for her autism assessment. They think another 3 to go… at which point she’ll be 16 so might age out first. Luckily I’m in Scotland so she has some adjustments at school without the need for a diagnosis, but it was a very difficult time in S1. Just for the OP, you need to start fighting and researching and seeing what is possible with money or time if you really are concerned about ADHD. You’re years away from any sort of therapy or medication no matter what so better to start as soon as possible.

To leave a 9 year old in a classroom for 10 minutes? Seriously?

That’s terrible and a big safeguarding concern

How is she ‘fobbing you off’? She replied within 24hrs; acknowledged that your son hadn’t said he was struggling so she wasn’t aware; has said she’ll talk to him personally; and has agreed to find the particular question he was struggling with so she can support him with this. I genuinely don’t understand what more you want? I hope for the sake of both the teacher and all the children in your child’s class that she isn’t having to deal with these kind of reactions to her perfectly reasonable and helpful response from all the other parents every day too…

This is one of the problems with education in 2026. The parents spend more time fighting the teachers than supporting the kids' education!

I’m a primary teacher and I actually really dislike the practice of taking break time away from children for not completing work. Breaks are vital for children’s concentration and mental wellbeing, particularly for ND pupils. They are also essential for social-emotional development, which is as important as the academic curriculum in my view.

I would continue to advocate for your child if I were you. You are being perfectly polite about it and there isn’t some crucial taboo about challenging teachers’ practice, although MN can sometimes imply as much.

Anyone waiting for education, either state or very expensive private, to meet all their individual child's needs is going to be very very disappointed. PARENTS most often have to take the lead in ensuring their child is being catered for. And even then, it will never meet all needs. It's impossible. It's why one parent and one child sitting at the table at home, doing homework is so valuable. YOU know your child's needs better than anyone.

I had tutoring as a child and my tutor mainly worked with private ed students. She said it was ironic. Those parents were paying 3 times for education. In their taxes. Private school fees. Private tutoring fees. And STILL not every need was met.

The day my son's teacher cancelled their break time she still wne to the staffroom and left them to it. Literally told them she wasn't missing her break over them.

How sure are you?

My son lost break time once for not completing work, I did complain. He's autistic and struggles to get started and stay on task but that wasn't really my problem with it, he really struggles with routine change and taking breaktime away. Which is what he relies on as a benchmark for timing out his day. Throws him off entirely and leads to so much upset at home he may not be able to sleep for ruminating. May have a violent meltdown. May schoolr excuse the next day which means it takes forever to get him back in the door. Thank God our school are supportive, the teacher agreed his table who were collectively kept in shouldn't have lost breaktime due to the impact that has and different strategies were put in place. It's so hard seeing your child struggle with something that seems like a non event, 5 minutes of a single breaktime? Sure that's nothing. But for some kids that routine is what's standing between them being able to attend or not.

So agree. Not every child has ADHD. They have to learn to organise themselves and remember their stuff. DD in her fifties left brand new phone on the bus last night. She doesn’t have ADHD.

Interventions for AdHD can be behavioural- some kids and adults never medicate and it is the first line response for many young children who are suspected adhd. Some parents may never have tried behavioural methods and that may be sufficient for their child’s needs. Equally there are still schools and teachers with poor SEN support. Nine is quite a critical age - you might expect
to be seeing the child develop out of some of the behaviours at this stage and if you are not, and there are a number of behaviours, if you choose to wait there is a real risk that that the education of your child will be severely impacted due to long waiting lists that @arethereanyleftatall mentions. @Miserablelittlesoul needs to ask for Senco input from the school now.

This is fantastic - bravo!

There was a thread a short time ago about white working class boys and their lack of progress compared to other demographics. I'd be interested to know what demographic the OP fits into.
I'd also be interested to see a breakdown of the race/sex demographics of children who are deemed ADHD, school refusers, etc.

He hasn’t been diagnosed and the teacher doesn’t see any neuro diverse traits. All the things the op listed that make her think he has is all thing typical of a 9yo boy. Instead of tackling this excuses has been made by the parents instead. The teacher will almost certainly tell the class to get their book bags and lunch bags before they sit down waiting for their names to be called so they can go home. My son was very much like this lad. Forgetting his things, losing them and daydreaming. So I would do reward charts and put in consequences. He lost his shoes just before his birthday. When receiving money of grandparents I told him he owed me £30 to replace them. He soon went in that school and found those shoes which he hadn’t been able to for the previous 3 days and he got his money back. He was more careful not to lose things after

Yes, it is perfectly feasible to wait that long. There is a delay to get an initial appointment to go through the forms and see the child. Then there’s a further delay to get medication due to supply issues. In my area, you can’t pass to the stage of being considered for medication if there are insufficient supplies. Year 10 pupils are prioritised. We were lucky and benefited from 2 cancellations we got at short notice and were able to attend. Hopefully your DD will have something similar happen for her so she won’t age out of the list and can benefit during key years of her education.

Oh goodness, I’ve just seen @MyCottageGarden’s other stupid comment. I shouldn’t have bothered responding in good faith.

um. Mine is. It’s about 2 months to get an appointment with the initial doctors, then they refer you to paediatrician over one year wait, who does the first assessment, tthen they forward you on to step 2 which is 4 years. 6 years total and growing. It means that my dd won’t get hers as it wasn’t picked up till about 13 so she’ll be kicked off the list at 18.

@Miserablelittlesoul sounds like this incident isn’t the issue, rather the issue is that you are concerned about adhd more broadly? How is the school at SEN generally? Could you ask the contact for a meeting if you are concerned? The sooner the better before secondary and as the waiting lists are long, and there are supply issues with medication adding to delays, it may take a couple of years.

I am not going to say previous posters are wrong as I know times changes and areas vary in policy but where I live the process is not through the GP, and it unwise to go private as the diagnosis won’t be recognised by school AND the GP’s won’t prescribe. In my area the route is via school
so You need to persist with school and contact the SEN support.

my child had a myriad of symptoms that were continuously mentioned year on year by school but when I queried whether they put my child outside normal parameters, I was fobbed off every time. A few things moved things on, one being the school being downgraded by Ofsted with one major factor being poor to non-existence SEN provision and the other being a supply teacher who stayed a term and said my child showed a range of behaviours she believed were indicative. Getting seen took 2 years plus a further wait for medication to become available, which took us into secondary school. The diagnosis and medication have been transformative. I was actually pretty relieved to make the move to secondary and get away from primary!

It's actually pretty standard,OP.

You do realise lots of children (and adults) are diagnosed after the age of 9?

OP - trust your instincts & speak to the SENCO about concerns you have.

Only 5 minutes break time lost? He’s a lucky boy.

Doesn’t mean they don’t have it. The parent says she has it and suspects son has it. As someone who went through school with undiagnosed ADHD you do not want to draw attention to yourself taking longer to take something down from the whiteboard. You already feel like a failure.

This kid isn't even diagnosed or on a pathway 🙄

Get him formally assessed and (presumably) diagnosed so that his needs can be recognised. Lots of kids go under the radar and it affects their self esteem badly, making it hard for them to 'use their voice'. Even if you have to give up on a holiday to go private it's worth it if you have serious concerns. The longer you delay the longer these kids suffer at school. Trust me, I've been there.