AIBU to resent being left with all childcare and housework?

@Kriszoee Blimey, well done!

Shame he was such a pathetic, abusive man-child, about it all, but good riddens!

Really glad he didn’t put up a fight at least.

Hope you can relax a bit now, get some sleep, and start enjoying your new life without him.

Indeed, stay safe, just in case though…

Do order a camera for your front door if you haven't got one already. He's been violent (throwing stuff is violence) and this is a key trigger point in the timeline of domestic abuse homicide.

4. A trigger threatens the perpetrator's control - for example, the relationship ends

https://www.dvact.org/post/do-you-know-the-8-step-timeline-in-domestic-abuse-homicides#:~:text=trigger%20threatens%20the%20perpetrator%27s%20control

So why the hell didn't he put his big boy pants on and actually go, instead of hurling abuse at you and physically intimating you with violence? If you'd been proactive he could have ended up with a criminal record so he is very fortunate you weren't. What an utterly vile excuse for a human being.

Oh, and it was a rhetoric question. Far easier and less physical effort to break another person so that they leave rather than him pack his belongings. That's the kind of black soul he has. Ugh.

Well done @Kriszoee

Wow. He’s obviously been wanting out but his behaviour has been an attempt to make you the one to end it. You and your daughter will have a much calmer and happier house without him.

That was quick. Well done. It'll be tough but you can do it.

Good on you. You did the right thing.

As the house tenancy was only in my name. He went off to work the next day I called his mum and dad (who I still adore) to collect his stuff which they did. I locked the door and left the key in. I aldo left a note on the door saying his mum and dad were expecting him.

Best thing I ever did.

Was it a nice patio?

I mean 101

OP log this, write a diary of dates. This is emotional abuse. Even log it with 111 and explain how its making you feel this way.

Keep family in the loop to these happenings, as you may need it soon for an occupancy order.

Keep logging it with 111 every time it happens, its emotion abuse and coersive control neither is ok.

I found it so much easier when I split from ex, DS was 9mths old. Less cooking and cleaning/laundry. I did everything on my timetable without having to answer to a man who was too tired to help with DS.

I'm not joking the one moment that sticks in my head a it was a defining moment that made me go wtf!
DS had been colicky all night so id been up pretty much all night had about 2 hrs sleep. Ex refused to do any night care as 'I need my sleep as I work, its dangerous to drive while tired.' (He was a bus driver). He went to work at 8 and was supposed to finish at 5pm at 6pm he come home saying he went to friends for a coffee. By this point I'm so tired im swaying. I put his tea on the table and he decides he doesn't want it. I ask him to have DS for 30/40 minutes so I can have a bath.
He doesn't respond and walks into bathroom, I hear the bath running. I think oh lovely he's running me a bath.....nope. Then I hear him lock the door and get in, I knock on the door and ask wtf and his response hes worked hard all day while I've lazed around the house. He didn't come out for an hour (which was after DS went down to sleep). Hot water was all used up (because we lived in an old cottage so no hot water on demand.)
Then asked if there was anything else to eat. THAT WAS THE END Of MY PATIENCE.

Can I Change the Locks When My Ex Moves Out? UK 2026 Guide

I have no affiliation.

Key Takeaways

• If you both own or both rent the property, changing the locks is rarely effective. Your ex has the same legal right to enter as you do, and can simply change them back.
• If you are married, both spouses have “home rights” under the Family Law Act 1996, even if the home is only in one spouse’s name.
• If you are cohabiting and the property is in your ex’s sole name, your right to stay depends on the length and nature of the relationship and any beneficial interest you may have acquired.
• Where there has been domestic abuse or risk of harm, you can apply for an Occupation Order (form FL401) to exclude your ex from the property. This is the proper legal route to securing the home.
• Unilaterally changing the locks without legal grounds can lead to a court-ordered reinstatement and, in serious cases, an order excluding you from the property.

Someone posted the things you should and shouldn't do. I should have bookmarked it.

Do you have a personal current account as well as the joint one?
If not, get one asap, and put any money you have into it, such as the child benefit.
That is then one less thing to organise when the separation goes ahead.

And this.

Also this.

He’s escalating….

@Kriszoee

Please let us know when he’s gone and that you’re safe?

That’s abuse call the police , sorry no excuses , your neighbor will be your witness if needed I’m sure . Call the police , get him removed , get a non molestation order and get your daughter away from that abusive creature !

So sorry to hear its escalated @Kriszoee . I don't have anything to add other than whats been said and to wish you the best of luck. You are so right to get rid now, it is abuse and you don't have to live like that. Contact Womens Aid, apply for UC asap. I hope you manage to get back up on your feet soon. You are doing an amazing job in a horrible situation.

just read the whole thread. As countless other PP’s have said, this is not depression, or if it is, it still doesn’t excuse this horrendous behaviour. I truly would consider going to stay with your own family for a bit if that’s in any way an option. He is not only ruining these lovely early days of having a baby, but tipping over into genuinely abusive behaviour towards you which you really need to take seriously and step away from if you can.

Do NOT change the locks.

he threw all of the washing in the floor and knocked over the airer.
That is classed as physical abuse @Kriszoee . He doesn't have to actually touch you but the act of throwing things or hitting walls creates the same emotional and physical response IN YOU. It is intimidation and aggression.

Based on your last post he is physically abusing you, mentally/emotionally abusing you, verbally abusing you, and finally he is trying coercive control. All that's left is financial and sexual abuse but I'm going to guess he will try those soon.

Definitely contact Women's Aid and your GP. Look up local DA charities on your council's webpage too, they might be able to help signpost you to financial support. Talk to people, family and friends, to give you the support and confidence you need.

Edit - apply for UC today. It takes a minimum of 5 weeks to process your claim so the sooner the better.