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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to resent being left with all childcare and housework?

242 replies

Kriszoee · 06/05/2026 07:13

By reading the title I’m sure you will all jump to say “no, that is not fair!”, but my partner has made me believe that because of how much he work( 40 hours per week, 5pm - 1am ) it is my job to take full responsibility for the house and the baby, who was his initial idea. (9 months ).
I want some insight on how right (or wrong) his values are, as I am starting to resent everything.
My partner (M28 ) works 40 hours week, usually 5 or 7 days in a row, with one day off. The housework and baby is my full responsibility, he won’t change her as he doesn’t like the smell, won’t feed her without complaint, doesn’t really play with her, won’t pick up the dog poo or walk the dog as he “ isn’t his dog “, won’t do the washing, won’t unload the dishwasher, doesn’t cook etc.. before we goes to work, he plays his PlayStation and washes her bottles. He sleeps 1:30 - 10am, then doesn’t get out of bed until almost 11. I am up at 5am every day with the baby, and I am utterly exhausted. He turns this into an argument as I shouldn’t be tired as I “ just stay home with her “.
Because he works; he says that he is too tired to do ANYTHING or go anywhere on the days he works, which means we don’t do anything unless he is off, but when he is off, it’s hit or miss if we do anything.
Ultimately, I feel like the default parent.
I have to ask multiple times to even get some bins out or some dishes unloaded from time to time but it causes an argument, and any time he is with our little girl he is honestly just on his phone watching videos or complaining about how exhausted he is.
I find I am really struggling having to do everything myself and honestly I feel like a single parent with his absence and the lack of support within the home or relationship.
I have voiced my opinions every time but I always get the same responses of “I work”, or “you get to stay at home all day and relax if you want to”.
I know even by writing this that it doesn’t seem fair but he genuinely can’t see past his reasoning.
How fair do you think this is and what can I do

OP posts:
Cheshireflamingo · 06/05/2026 08:15

I work and my DH stays at home. He does most of the housework and does the cooking during the week. I do the cooking at the weekend and we share any other weekend chores. I make the kids’ packed lunches, and when they were little we shared bedtimes. I’m also the one who manages all the school stuff. I wanted to do stuff because I wanted to be involved with my children. I know my DH found it quite lonely in the early years, so we always made an effort to do stuff at the weekends.

Your partner is being controlling and nasty. I am not the type to say ‘leave him’ lightly, but I honestly think you’d be better off without him. Have you family/friends who will support you? I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

ZenNudist · 06/05/2026 08:11

CleanHouseForNow · 06/05/2026 08:06

Can you return to work, sort childcare and start getting finances sorted to separate. He won’t change.

What is the situation with the accommodation? Can you get him out?

This

BarbiesDreamHome · 06/05/2026 08:11

And he didn't want a baby. He wanted you at home with a baby, because this doing fuck all with a family man status is what he always wanted.

INeedAnotherName · 06/05/2026 08:07

How fair do you think this is and what can I do

It is not fair and you know this. As to what you can do, you only have two options. Suck it up and accept this life for the next fifty years or start making plans to leave. That is it.

CleanHouseForNow · 06/05/2026 08:06

Can you return to work, sort childcare and start getting finances sorted to separate. He won’t change.

What is the situation with the accommodation? Can you get him out?

Mischance · 06/05/2026 08:05

ChickenBananaBanana · 06/05/2026 07:53

His next day off go out for the day/night and he can look after the baby at home cos it's so easy

Don't do that. It sounds as though he would not be able to keep her safe or happy, which is more important than making a point, however valid that point might be.
Do you want to stay with this man?
He clearly has no wishes to be a family man. You would probably be better off without him.

BarbiesDreamHome · 06/05/2026 08:04

When you didn't have a baby, what did he do?

Because if he was single he would have do do his own laundry cooking, cleaning etc.

I think you've just got a wrongun and it isn't worth working on imo because he's a sexist pig with sexist pig values. Don't waste your life fighting it.

Naunet · 06/05/2026 08:03

Ginorchoc · 06/05/2026 07:32

You are not a single parent otherwise you’d be working, parenting and paying the bills with no one to talk to.

He should however be helping out more when he is up rather than playing on his PlayStation.

So would he, where as currently hes doing less than a single childless man.

OP, hes a sexist pig who thinks having a baby means less work for him. You won't change his opinion on this because it suits him to do fuck all.

I hope you're planning to go back to work and not rely financially on a man you aren't married to?

JanBlues2026 · 06/05/2026 08:02

Ask him is it tiring and hard looking after the baby? Because that is his excuse for not doing it yet when you do it all day every day without a break you have it easy, make it make sense!

arethereanyleftatall · 06/05/2026 07:58

It’s not remotely fair, and you can deal with it by ending this relationship. He isn’t a decent man. He’s selfish, lazy, a misogynist and a thoroughly crap parent. Being in a relationship like this is much much harder than being a single parent.

Frikadelle · 06/05/2026 07:53

I worked full time while my DH stayed at home with DC. DH did do the lion's share of the housework but I was fully involved when I was home. I wanted to spend time with DC and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to watch my DH being ground down while I sat on my backside doing my own thing. You deserve much better.

ChickenBananaBanana · 06/05/2026 07:53

His next day off go out for the day/night and he can look after the baby at home cos it's so easy

ArtyFartyCrafts · 06/05/2026 07:41

Yet another waste of space man pretending he actually wanted a child, until reality hits. Get rid of him. He won’t change. He is a total loser. Stop putting up with it.

Ginorchoc · 06/05/2026 07:32

You are not a single parent otherwise you’d be working, parenting and paying the bills with no one to talk to.

He should however be helping out more when he is up rather than playing on his PlayStation.

CinderellaGotOld · 06/05/2026 07:28

Is there a plan for you to go back to work soon? What would he say then about the split of work? Until it came to a head recently I’ve always felt an unfair balance in our house (and we both work full time) but DH would still do things when asked and would always help do things for the children. To say he is too tired is a joke - work as a stay at home is still hard and tiring and can’t be dismissed just because it isn’t earning money.

WonderingWanda · 06/05/2026 07:24

It is not fair and I think you need to get rid of him and find someone else. Usually for a partner who is being lazy I might suggest leaving them to look after the baby for a whole weekend so they realise how much you do. His absolute lack of engagement with her makes me feel this wouldn't be a safe option for your dd.

How equal was the split of labour before your baby was born? I think it's very challenging to fight this battle if it's clearly established before kids come along.

Busybeemumm · 06/05/2026 07:20

What you can do is start making a plan to leave this man. You may as well be an actual single parent rather than beg him for support. My DH also worked long hours in my year of maternity leave. He couldn't wait to get home and take over and play with the baby and do everything as he felt he was missing out. You shouldn't expect anything less.

He isn't interested in your child which your DC will notice in time. He isn't interested in you which means your relationship is over. This isn't a healthy home environment for you or or DC.