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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should ex be prioritising his birthday over childcare?

35 replies

EezehMummy · 05/05/2026 18:53

Ex has a birthday in Oct half term. He ALWAYS books it off, plus another day to make a long weekend or just have two weekdays off for it. We are struggling for holidays this summer to cover childcare for our youngest.

He won’t sacrifice his 2-day birthday hols for 2 days in the summer hols to look after her. The Oct hols I get off work automatically (education role) but I have to work some weeks in Aug — everyone at work does, I am not choosing this.

AIBU for telling him to book the days in summer and work his birthday instead? I don’t see the big deal, he is not having a milestone birthday and has not booked a break away or anything.

Or should he carry on having his birthday off work and leave me to sort of and pay for the childcare?

If he does I’ll have to pay for holiday clubs which our youngest HATES and I can guarantee ex will not contribute any more than his basic maintenance.

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/05/2026 19:32

It's not childcare. It is parenting.

Stop minimising it for starters.

If he wouldn't be having them in October anyways then I think you are on a sticky wicket.

Pickapocket · 05/05/2026 19:28

@EezehMummy this doesn’t help you, but why do some grown-ups make such a fuss of their birthdays? I honestly don’t get it. A colleague of mine is 56 and has never ever worked his birthday and never will. It’s soooo childish! I thought it was because he is chid-free, possibly still selfish and nothing more important to put his vanity into perspective, but obviously not.

Your Ex sounds like a numpty.

Dozer · 05/05/2026 19:22

You could seek an adjustment to your agreement whereby he parents your DC, or sorts childcare, for a certain number of days/weeks in the long holiday. If he refuses it seems better not to rock the boat, unless you’re still legally married and need to sort finance stuff.

SwanRivers · 05/05/2026 19:16

bigboykitty · 05/05/2026 19:15

You've misunderstood the issue!

Show quote history

Well that's why I asked the question 🤷‍♂️

bigboykitty · 05/05/2026 19:15

SwanRivers · 05/05/2026 19:14

So you're off for the week anyway in October?

You've misunderstood the issue!

SwanRivers · 05/05/2026 19:14

So you're off for the week anyway in October?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/05/2026 19:10

You can’t tell your ex what to do, it’s 100% up to him how he uses his annual leave. You know he always books these days off, and it’s only 2 days, so it’s pointless picking a fight over it

Tillow4ever · 05/05/2026 19:08

YABU to tell him.

YANBU to ask him to consider it or split the childcare costs with you.

what does your childcare arrangement say about school holidays?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/05/2026 19:07

Of course he should do the childcare. A decent dad would. Sadly, I get the feeling he won't, and there's nothing you can do to make him.

You can't make someone be a good dad.

Dozer · 05/05/2026 19:00

He’s unlikely to do as you ask.

What age is your youngest DC?

What is your split of the summer school holidays parenting in your informal or formal agreement?