To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

So you want to report him for sending you an inappropriate message outside of work hours regarding a conversation you had outside of working hours, yet you would like to keep it hush hush, how the conversation came about in order to preserve your self respect?
Wow.

Well, quite. But I thought we weren’t allowed to say that 😂 I am in full agreement though after the updates today.

I’m sure the first question will be “he starts the message with ‘if you were serious’ - what is he referring to?”

no real way to get out of that without blatantly lying.

A young lad in his early 20's who's been out getting drunk with his female senior and some other senior colleagues is then told by said female senior that she'd sell her used underwear on OnlyFans and he won't tell his mates about it... aye right!
For most young men of that age it would have been first topic of conversation on "lad's night out".

Naaaaahhhh this thread is a wind-up, obvs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Report if it makes you feel uncomfortable to work with him now.

Personally, if I was willing to have the initial conversation then I wouldn’t be offended given his prompt apology so I wouldn’t report. I’d remind him to be more careful though as comments like that aren’t acceptable. I actually don’t think the initial conversation was acceptable in the workplace, but again I wouldn’t have reported it as it wouldn’t have offended me - I just would have been concerned it was inappropriate.

If I was worried about being near him again at work though I would definitely report.

HR will likely ask about context. The senior colleagues will confirm that a drunken only fans discussion took place . The younger junior college doesn't need to twist anything. It happened. Unless your suggesting the senior colleagues will tell lies to support you. Which makes you sound like a bunch of dangerous vipers.
Did you mean ' corroborate'?

You jumped the shark here. “only fans slappers” after you were talking about what you’d do on there. Clearly you’ve only posted to get a rise out of people given you’ve disregarded the vast majority of comments. Plus as a senior colleague you’d know you’ll be in far more shit for putting him in that position in the first place.

On the slight off chance you’re serious - what is wrong with you? You’d ruin a young man’s career over a comment YOU encouraged, by your own admission. He shouldn’t have messaged you, but you opened the conversation up in the first place. He’s likely new to the world of work and following the example of senior leaders in the tone of discussion. That’s on you and your colleagues. And if you’re saying they’ll lie about the conversation to throw him under the bus, you’re all disgusting.

If you go to HR he may get an informal warning
When the true story comes out - it always does - and HR knows you have lied then the punishment for you will be more severe - especially if you are the senior member of staff

You're an utter disgrace. You deserve NO respect.

I hope this comes back to bite you.

If you’re choosing to report this, then report the whole situation—not a selective version that shifts responsibility. Anything less is misleading.

And you speak about respect. Disgusting.

@Colleagueissue26

"None of the senior colleagues present will corroborate any attempt to twist the story."

HR doesn’t need corroboration to ask questions.
They will ask you about the context.
They will ask him about the context.
They will ask why this topic was being discussed among colleagues.

What do you mean by this?

You’re a senior colleague who was discussing with other colleagues selling underwear on OnlyFans. Are you planning on lying and say you didn’t do this?

There are lots of issues in this. Why was a junior staff member put in the position of discussing inappropriate topics with a more senior female member/s of staff? Who started the topic (Will that person be disciplined?). Did you directly mention selling your own knickers on OF? How did he know it was a joke? Did he say anything out of line during the out of office drinks meeting? Is there any chance he could have had private chat with you where he could claim you encouraged him or even pressured him? Talking about selling your knickers on OF isnt normal office conversations.

You are going for the jugular whilst dragging other senior collegues into it too. Expecting them to deny it was the topic of conversation for all involved at the drinks will not work well for you.

If you must go after him. Be 100% truthfull. He was out of line but so were you. If he gets disciplined then i would expect a senior manager to also be in trouble for allowing such discussions between workmates (If it is to be used against them later at the workplace)

Agree. Having these conversations at all oversteps a work boundary.

completely unsolicited

It wasn't completely unsolicited, though. You got drunk and started talking to him about selling your used knickers, to which he responded in kind.

Well you openly discussed your range of desirable products that you’d flog from your imaginary OF account. Yes, bring it to HR. I hope that they acknowledge your part in this scenario and how he came to the conclusion that you might want knickers to flog on the side.
It’s embarrassing for all involved.

It would be extremely disingenuous of you to frame it that way.

Ultimately, you all had a drunken conversation about whether you'd do OnlyFans and sell your underwear, and that has a major bearing on his decision to message you about it. I don't think he should have messaged you, but jeez, if you get pissed with your colleagues and talk about selling your knickers, that context is extremely important.

If you want to report him, by all means report him and let your HR team make a decision, but don't do it in a way that misses out nine-tenths of the story because that would be unfair - as you well know, or you wouldn't be talking about needing to 'frame' the conversation in a misleading way to get the result you apparently want. If you want to report him, you need to give HR the full story and then let them weigh up the facts and make their decision on what action to take.

in which case why lower the tone and discuss the topic to begin with

“how dare he treat me like some sort of onlyfans slapped. I am a senior colleague, and deserve respect”

fyi not saying colleague was correct. either.

how do you explain twisting anything when the conversation was the foundation for the question that was asked ?

which i can agree with, and if thats the case why take part in discussions of the onlyfans to begin with that caused it ?

But it wouldn't be twisting a story? You did discuss selling your knickers on Only Fans?

Not to the level of "x said she'd sell her pants" that's just not a conversation I'd say would happen. Plus there's no way they'd get his phone, find her number and message her...that's just too much