Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

606 replies

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:25

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

OP posts:
WhatYouWearing · 05/05/2026 17:55

If the OP was not part of the OnlyFans convo then obviously report. But for me the waters are muddy and OP would have to tell the truth about the original conversation.

He knows he made a mistake and apologised and perhaps EVERYONE who was a part of that conversation should think twice next time.

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 05/05/2026 17:55

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

Why? Why would you do that and not give the whole story?

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 17:55

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:51

‘Mummy’?

HR are there for a reason.

Show quote history

HR get frustrated when they are called on to resolve issues that grown-ups can resolve for themselves. This is a small thing. It's absurd to involve HR. It makes women look weak.

Zov · 05/05/2026 17:55

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:53

Because he clearly thought she was serious she wants to sell them,

Show quote history

What?! Confused OP never said that! What he thought she meant is irrelevant!

.

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:54

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

I can’t believe you’d do that. It’s honestly so low. You’d lie to get him in even more trouble, you don’t think he’s going to tell them you offered and his message backs him up.

ainsleysanob · 05/05/2026 17:53

No I wouldn’t report him. He’s apologised, there is absolutely no harm caused, if you want to then tell him to not message again and move on.

Wynter25 · 05/05/2026 17:53

Report him

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:53

coulditbeme2323 · 05/05/2026 17:32

Don't be a weasel.

Show quote history

Weasel?

What is going on with this thread? Very strange answers.

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:53

Zov · 05/05/2026 17:52

Why on EARTH will she look foolish?!

Enough of the playing down already!

Report him @Colleagueissue26 !

Show quote history

Because he clearly thought she was serious she wants to sell them,

SayWhatty · 05/05/2026 17:52

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

Well that's a bit low, isn't it?
He is very much out of order, and reportable. But the context is significant.
A fair compromise would be to give him a firm warning yourself, and avoid having conversations about selling used underwear with your colleagues.

Hammy19 · 05/05/2026 17:52

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

But that would be a lie

Zov · 05/05/2026 17:52

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 17:50

Please don't tell HR. You will look foolish. Please deal with it yourself. It's not difficult.

Show quote history

Why on EARTH will she look foolish?!

Enough of the playing down already!

Report him @Colleagueissue26 !

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:51

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 17:39

Bad behaviour, certainly, but surely at a level that OP can stand up for herself rather than involving HR (mummy).

‘Mummy’?

HR are there for a reason.

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:50

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

Yeah that’s shitty, making it something that it is not. And was there no witnesses.

lying and saying it was some random thing is not ok; and quite frankly his message makes it clear you saud you wished to do this.

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 17:50

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

Please don't tell HR. You will look foolish. Please deal with it yourself. It's not difficult.

Zov · 05/05/2026 17:50

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:35

Wow, I wouldn’t hesitate to report that together with screenshots 🤯.

very very surprised to see I’m in the minority here.

Absolutely this. ^ Gobsmacked at the responses and poll result. I would absolutely report. His mate sent it 'for a laugh' Yeah right! Hmm

Keep the message and screenshot it @Colleagueissue26 Report him.

coulditbeme2323 · 05/05/2026 17:49

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

Show quote history

What about if you were asked in an investigation. Would you lie?

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:49

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:46

OP wouldn’t be getting him sacked. He or his friends would be getting him sacked. If OP reports it, whether he has a job by this time next week or not is not her responsibility nor her problem. If it’s all innocent he won’t mind explaining that to HR. And if it’s his friends he should know what they are capable of and change them.

Plus………I’m a massive technophobe. If I can work out how to lock a phone then any old fool can.

Show quote history

But she needs to say it wasn’t random, she was telling him she was going to sell her undies on only fans, all that’s happened is he offered to buy it.

ElephantPidgeon · 05/05/2026 17:49

You opened the door to this participating in the conversation. Lesson learnt.

Original poster
Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:47

I’m on the fence, firstly it’s highly implausible someone stole his phone who he had told all about it, found you as a contact and texted you. I would say he was likely drunk and had major regrets the next day.

it wasn’t all good from you either as it seems you were telling your colleagues you’d sell your under wear on only fans

on balance I’d let it go. As it’s embarrassing for you to say well I was telling him I wanted to sell my undies on only fans and the fucker offered to buy them. I mean it’s not great is it,

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 05/05/2026 17:48

No I wouldn't do anything it was a joke when you said you'd sell it. Move on he could report you to HR for running another business alongside your job

Charlenedickens · 05/05/2026 17:47

I’m on the fence, firstly it’s highly implausible someone stole his phone who he had told all about it, found you as a contact and texted you. I would say he was likely drunk and had major regrets the next day.

it wasn’t all good from you either as it seems you were telling your colleagues you’d sell your under wear on only fans

on balance I’d let it go. As it’s embarrassing for you to say well I was telling him I wanted to sell my undies on only fans and the fucker offered to buy them. I mean it’s not great is it,

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 05/05/2026 17:46

coulditbeme2323 · 05/05/2026 17:37

He has been a Wally, he has apologized, he hasn't done it again.

He is a young lad who has made a silly and drunken error.

If the OP wanted she could mark his card and say "sending stuff like that could lose you your job, please don't even send me anything like that again."

But don't get a young bloke sacked.

Show quote history

OP wouldn’t be getting him sacked. He or his friends would be getting him sacked. If OP reports it, whether he has a job by this time next week or not is not her responsibility nor her problem. If it’s all innocent he won’t mind explaining that to HR. And if it’s his friends he should know what they are capable of and change them.

Plus………I’m a massive technophobe. If I can work out how to lock a phone then any old fool can.

darksideofthetoon · 05/05/2026 17:46

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:25

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

This can’t be real. Definitely a wind up.

Original poster
Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:44

Growlybear83 · 05/05/2026 17:43

Why would you report him? Surely as an adult you are capable of dealing with this yourself? Have you never said anything a bit over the top when you’ve been drunk?

I’ve never messaged a colleague offering to pay money for their worn underwear, no.

OP posts: