To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

So you would be happy for the OP to lie and deny the previous conversation about selling her used underwear?

Just a quick Google, but the info can be further researched.

He took it too far, but what he took too far was an inappropriate conversation that all of you were having. He has then rowed back, obviously knowing it was out of order now the drinks have worn off. If you want to find yourself recounting all the things you and everyone else said (which will sound so much worse in a sober serious meeting context) then report away.

It's about proportion. No way would it cross my mind to add to HR's workload over a matter like this, which is not nothing. The comment is not nothing. The man who sent it needs to be spoken to, but by the OP. When a senior colleague suggested to me on front of a room full of other colleagues in the middle of me giving a presentation that I was sleeping with a colleague not in the room, I thought about it over the weekend then went to HR for advice, which I received and acted on. However, we are all capable of saying 'That comment was out of order. Don't make comments of a sexual nature to me ever again.'

If you work in a company with a HR department and you report this there will be an investigation. All the people party to the original conversation will be interviewed by HR. It will reflect incredibly badly on those present as well as the individual you would be complaining about. His conduct is not the only unprofessional conduct in this scenario. Yes he’s taken it too far (probably through drink) but I suspect there will be wider consequences than just him being reprimanded.

There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money.

You've said, albeit drunkenly, you would be happy to sell your underwear on OF.

Now someone has offered to buy it. He might have been drunk at the time he texted too, especially since he was on holiday.

It's your choice whether to report it but I don't think you come out of this looking great - if his text is inappropriate then so was the original conversation - in future don't have conversations drunk that you're not happy to have sober.

He is a young lad who made a silly and drunken error.... Oh how many women must have heard it from a jury and a judge during a rape hearing. It's honestly shocking how many women on here (assuming they are women) are so quick to pull out "boys will be boys"

This! Absolutely report.

But the event was at the pub. No one invited the colleague to dm. "Sent as a dare" is a lie.
The colleague crossed the line using alcohol as an excuse. He's immatureC unprofessional and a creep. The message needs to be reported. Outings by colleagues are considered an extension of the workplace. You are never completely "off."

The more you write about this, the more unreasonable you sound. You literally discussed selling your used underwear in front of a much younger colleague. That's you sitting in a group of colleagues inviting them to think about the state of your worn underwear. Then you plan to pretend he randomly messaged you asking to buy some. Unreal.

By not providing any context about the night out and the conversation about selling used underwear, your colleague's behaviour would look much worse. If he was interviewed and he provided details of that conversation as mitigation, would you lie about it if asked because, as you have said, that conversation wasn't documented?

I wouldn’t be discussing selling underwear with my colleagues anyways. You all agreed it was acceptable?

And this chap is really out of order. I would block him.

I would be ridiculous to report this to HR imo. The OP encouraged it by talking about Onlyfans and bringing up the subject of selling her used underwear.

So, you treat other people like a cunt then?

Maybe she shouldn't have had the OnlyFans conversation in the pub with him then.

It wasn't just a message out of nowhere.

I can’t believe you’re talking about reporting him and not giving the full context. You do know it will come out when they interview him, and then they’ll drag the other colleagues in to corroborate.

If you want to report him, go ahead - but you need to give the context. Personally I think you should accept his apology and make it clear it’s unacceptable and unwanted. Any further sexual messages will be reported.

Im going to hazard a guess the person you hoped would respond to your comments wasn’t this guy but another colleague…

Goodness me. If you did that, it would look as though the message had come out of the blue, which is not true, is it? Immoral. I'm glad you're not acolleague of mine.

It’s very strange.

Today I’ve read this one, the cousin shagger thread and the husband shagging trans women men thread.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

The conversation was inappropriate to begin with, someone else could complain about you / your colleagues and say they were offended. It was a work night out, he’s young and stupid. I wouldn’t report it personally as I’d rather die than admit I was talking about selling my dirty pants. 😆

I’ve never offered to buy underwear but I’m sure Ive said equally inappropriate things in the past when I've been pissed, and have had many inappropriate things said to me. But Ive always been grown up enough to deal with things like this myself

Oh, for goodness sake! 🙄 This is the reason some women won't report things, and shit continues and men think they can say and do what they like!

Woman being made to feel they are 'silly' and making a big thing out of 'nothing!'

I despair for humanity reading some of these comments I really do!

It's a hard one. My policy is only get someone fired if you think they have inflicted a similar level of distress on you. It's gross. If it were me I would show everyone the text and make fun of him rather than going to HR. It's totally your call.

“I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.”

So you’d lie? Wow that’s a bit much. That’s someone’s life you’re fucking with.