To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

It's not banter ...it was discussing a hypothetical are people really so lacking in social interpretation?? One is keeping conversation flowing at the pub...and not meant as .....old fashioned 'provocation'

What the colleague did was crossed a line...from joint chatter to direct targeted request for as OP says "sexual favour"

I mean, that is a bit unfair because there was a context and others heard you say it. Not saying the message was not totally out of order but you were all being a bit inappropriate.

He was an utter twat to message you, but I would ask him not to message me on any form of non work media otherwise you will need to report it as harassment.

Having a conversation in the pub is not an invitation to take it further in a direct and personal message.

People saying otherwise can feel that way, but legally they are wrong.
It also shows just how much work still needs to be done to change mindsets that it is still okay for people, often men, to make these kinds of "mistakes."
Really, in today's world there is no excuse not to know this crosses the line.

Joking with a group of people is vastly different to contacting one person to solicit sex work.

You cant blur lines by having a joke about whether you'd do something like only fans.
Then receiving a sexual request from a colleague..the 2 things arent comparable.

One is hypothetical...the other is a direct request. If a woman talks about something its not a invitation to any overhearing man to participate in that thing with her.

This is basic stuff.

So talking about OnlyFans and selling used underwear is just banter?

Nothing to do with porn?

Does he have a mentor / line manager / union rep - somebody who can have a conversation with him about why that's not appropriate and also how foolish it is to write it down. Self preservation is important.

There's a difference between slightly out there conversations as an in person group of colleagues and trying to continue that theme in a private conversation with one person.

It's not wrong to report it to HR - maybe he does this kind of thing a lot and you'd be adding one more report. But make it too official and the outcome could be out of your control.

Wow I was not expecting so many people to brush this off! This is the same Mumsnet that hates porn right? This man is the example of the porn-brained man. A joke conversation between a group of tipsy collegues is NOT an invitation to solicit sex work from a collegue! If you want to report, do it, this little man needs to learn how to behave in civilised society. If you don't want to report, send him a message explaining that it was completely inappropriate and one more contact from him outside of work and you will report him to the Police for sexual harrasment.

this. I agree its a sleazy text but you started it and even agreed that you'd do it. Accept the apology, block the bloke, move on and be more careful about your conversations in future.

It's the meanest thing I have ever read on MN. Proper mean girl thinking.

You sound delightful OP.....
You're happy to report a colleague to HR for sending a stupid and childish message when drunk because its in writing, yet you'll happily deny the inappropriate conversations about OnlyFans that you were engaging earlier in the evening because nobody can prove you ever said it?!
Lets.... hope someone had their phone on record and is on the fence about reporting you and see how you like it once the tables are turned!

I third - sensible advice.

He’s probably trying his luck - people still often meet their partners at work! I wouldn’t report him for this, but set a clear boundary if you’re not interested and keep an eye on it. If he carries on obviously consider reporting.

"I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented."

Then you'd be lying. Without context, it would appear to be blatant sexual harassment. But YOU and HE and YOUR other colleagues were having a drunken, inappropriate conversation about underwear and Only Fans. The other colleagues can verify that and hopefully will.

The very thought of reporting him is hostile, vindictive, deceitful and sly. He'll carry the accusation throughout his career- it may ruin his future and you obviously know that. The fact that the only part you'll report is what's documented screams that you want a settlement from the company and to ruin him.

Yes, he made a huge mistake by asking, but there was no vulgar or nasty language and no hint of coercion or threat. It wasn't out-of-nowhere and wouldn't have happened without the Only Fans discussion. ALL of you opened the door with that conversation. He apologized. That should be the end of it.

I hate that the media picks up and uses Mumsnet threads. But this one is exactly why they do it!

Wow that’s awful. such a double standard.

Dont be so spiteful, just ignore and block him !

I second this.

It was a work night out. I do agree the conversation was a bit inappropriate though.

No ...and your considering it an invitation is really suspect

I think it’s one thing to have a conversation about this but another thing to get an unsolicited text. So I’d think about reporting him. Not sure if I would do.

This whole situation is inappropriate in a work context - both the conversations about OF and his message.

In the interests of not being spoken to myself, I'd just ignore and block, and from then on out be more careful about conversations with colleagues.

Well this is a weird mindset.

Talking about whether you'd do something is a discussion as old as time at the pub. Would you ....x than y

It's not an invitation to unleash pervy thoughts.

This is creepy ...so you can't mention bodies? Say you're going to the toilet in case people imagine you there?

Creepy obsessional stuff on display here.

Maybe this young adults could...just get a hold of himself (phwaor) and keep his kinks to himself???

If he’s apologised and there aren’t other incidents, I’d be inclined to leave it at that. It’s also going to open a massive can of worms about the discussion that led to this too.

I think once reported HR will be looking for context to ensure they had the full story and the after work discussion about OF and selling your undies would come out (after everyone else is asked for their recollection). Remember HR will talk to everyone, not just you.

The OF conversation may not be documented but, unless it was just you two having the conversation (you said there were several), there are other witnesses\participants who may well confirm that happened.

Wow! You're lower than a snake's belly.