Page 18 | To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

Colleagueissue26 · 2026-05-05T16:25:44+00:00

NC for obvious reasons! Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course. One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week. At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’ I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare. I don’t believe him for a second. Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

Catza · 05/05/2026 19:19

Plummagic · 05/05/2026 18:09

So you would be happy for the OP to lie and deny the previous conversation about selling her used underwear?

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Have you ever heard of a straw man argument?

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:19

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 05/05/2026 19:13

I don’t think discussion in the pub warrants an invitation at all. But still, he didn’t send it totally out of the blue, so I feel it’s unfair to report without the context. HR can then judge what to do with all the information.

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An individual reports, HR investigates

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:18

NineFiftyNine · 05/05/2026 19:08

I fail to see how discussing how far you would go, on a night out arriving at a consensus it wouldn't be 'all the way' but agreeing that selling clothing to fetishists would be OK , is not a sexualised conversation.

OP has described it as 'drunken/joking' so this was not a serious analysis of, for example, how to best make money using the site, which is the only way I can think of that it wouldn't be sexual - if you were talking to a financial advisor about it in an office with calculators on the table.

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The desire to link a direct request for sexual favours to a prior GROUP discussion is concerning....what motivates you do you think, to minimise his contacting OP to buy her used underwear?
Op says the discussion was lighthearted i.e. not REAL...you know like Marry, Shag, Avoid or any other hypothetical discussed lightheartedly.

The need to turn this into a dependable sexual invitation is really really disturbing. It has the effect of silencing women...because ...well it could give a green light to someone's kink and contact to pursue that unwanted thing

powersthatbe · 05/05/2026 19:17

Strawberryteabag · 05/05/2026 17:34

Might be on my own here but I would say thats more likely to be his mates messing around sending messages from each others phones so would be inclined to believe him. Lads can be brutal with each other

Even if it was his ‘mate’, he relayed the story to his friend and identified OP as his colleague within the context of her selling him her underwear. Gross. He got the ball rolling…

I wouldnt report but wouldnt be hanging out with this douche again.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/05/2026 19:17

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:07

Nope ..these are the excuses of a sexual predator and unacceptable

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💯

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 05/05/2026 19:13

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:07

Nope ..these are the excuses of a sexual predator and unacceptable

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I don’t think discussion in the pub warrants an invitation at all. But still, he didn’t send it totally out of the blue, so I feel it’s unfair to report without the context. HR can then judge what to do with all the information.

JMSA · 05/05/2026 19:13

Restlessdreams1994 · 05/05/2026 17:38

I wouldn’t report but equally I wouldn’t have drunken conversations about how far I would go on onlyfans with my work colleagues.

Same

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:13

Plummagic · 05/05/2026 19:09

Acceptable to lie to HR though?

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That's a diversion from what you were asserting

Passingthrough123 · 05/05/2026 19:12

currentlybrunette · 05/05/2026 19:07

Don’t report. He’s a dick but he’s apologised and assuming he’s never been inappropriate before or since, I’d just think of it as him trying to get in on the banter before realising he terribly misjudged it all.

This. Total dick, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt this one time, because he has apologised and the conversation in the pub clearly crossed boundaries in terms of appropriate work colleague chat and OP played a part in that. But I'd keep the message and block him, and if there are any further incidents I'd report immediately.

lornad00m · 05/05/2026 19:12

I wouldn't report him but I'd let him know that it was totally unacceptable and it better not happen again. I'd also block him.

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:11

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 05/05/2026 19:07

You’re right it is. But I still wouldn’t discuss that kind of thing with colleagues.

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I worked for a HIV charity once...we talked about saunas, fisting, muscle relaxants and more...things we talk about are not an invitation to be contacted 1:1 to be asked for those things

There are boundaries...colleagues talking hypothetically and unseriously 'lightheartedly' about OF does not invite a request for sexual favours ...the 2 things are so separate ...unless you have a sexual predator mindset

Plummagic · 05/05/2026 19:09

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:07

Nope ..these are the excuses of a sexual predator and unacceptable

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Acceptable to lie to HR though?

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:09

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:06

Since people bought it for sexual pleasure

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I've learnt something

NineFiftyNine · 05/05/2026 19:08

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 18:48

No ...and your considering it an invitation is really suspect

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I fail to see how discussing how far you would go, on a night out arriving at a consensus it wouldn't be 'all the way' but agreeing that selling clothing to fetishists would be OK , is not a sexualised conversation.

OP has described it as 'drunken/joking' so this was not a serious analysis of, for example, how to best make money using the site, which is the only way I can think of that it wouldn't be sexual - if you were talking to a financial advisor about it in an office with calculators on the table.

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:07

Branwellgirl · 05/05/2026 19:06

If you’re having these sorts of drunken conversations with work colleagues, you’re blurring boundaries already as to what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

Nope ..these are the excuses of a sexual predator and unacceptable

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 05/05/2026 19:07

SlumChum · 05/05/2026 18:59

Joking with a group of people is vastly different to contacting one person to solicit sex work.

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You’re right it is. But I still wouldn’t discuss that kind of thing with colleagues.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/05/2026 19:07

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:03

Since when did selling your underwear become sex work?

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Actually, in the eyes of HMRC, it is classed as sex work and therefore exempt from tax.

currentlybrunette · 05/05/2026 19:07

Don’t report. He’s a dick but he’s apologised and assuming he’s never been inappropriate before or since, I’d just think of it as him trying to get in on the banter before realising he terribly misjudged it all.

Branwellgirl · 05/05/2026 19:06

If you’re having these sorts of drunken conversations with work colleagues, you’re blurring boundaries already as to what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:06

Plummagic · 05/05/2026 19:05

No comment about the OP saying she will report and say she received the message without revealing the previous conversation?

Is that what the reporters to HR would do?

Plenty of comments about this.

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:06

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:03

Since when did selling your underwear become sex work?

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Since people bought it for sexual pleasure

Plummagic · 05/05/2026 19:05

No comment about the OP saying she will report and say she received the message without revealing the previous conversation?

Is that what the reporters to HR would do?

Anyahyacinth · 05/05/2026 19:05

NineFiftyNine · 05/05/2026 18:42

Talking about whether you'd 'go all the way' on OF isn't a sexualised conversation? Come on!

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No it isn't...it's not an invitation it's a discussion / hypothetical fully formed adults get that

SlumChum · 05/05/2026 19:04

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:03

Since when did selling your underwear become sex work?

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Are you kidding? Selling used underwear is sex work, he's not trying to use it as a duster around the house is he!

IdaGlossop · 05/05/2026 19:03

SlumChum · 05/05/2026 18:59

Joking with a group of people is vastly different to contacting one person to solicit sex work.

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Since when did selling your underwear become sex work?