To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

...and this is how repeat offenders are missed

When I was 17 I had a similar offer from an older colleague at the pub I worked at. I wish I had reported it because now about 10 years later I know he sexually harassed a lot of other colleagues. Doesn't matter if he’s young, he needs to learn the hard way. I imagine my old boss got away with a lot in his younger days due to his “cheek” and “silliness”.

There’s a lot of things I don’t think should go to HR, but this is something I do think should. This behaviour only continues if they get away with it.

Hmm but how would the mates know about the underwear - weird to be talking about that.

I don’t think I would personally report him. Although I might regret that if I later found out he was bothering other women.

I’m with you and they definitely can.

It is possible for a man do something sexually inappropriate but minor enough to not require official sanction, particularly if he apologised and nothing more has come of if it in the meantime.

It's the ones that buy though that create the conditions that create the harm. Calling someone old enough to work 'silly' is infantilising men and a very big part of the problem ...as is identifying him as a son.

OP is someone's daughter who he imposed his kinks on ...not as an unknown stranger but as someone she has to work with on an ongoing basis

Its creepy and not 'silly'

I’d be inclined to buy the biggest pair of cotton bloomers I could find, gift wrap them and present them to the work colleague for him to present to his ‘friend who was pissing around with his phone’.

Right, so his mate managed to take his phone, send a message based on a conversation the mate wasnt at.... im a Nigerian Prince and have 70 billion pounds im trying to get out of the country. You can have half if you help me with, 20k?

They're not a weasel, and we are not in the fucking playground!!

Report.

So talking about something lightheartedly in a group ...means you want to do it?

I really don't think it does and is not a free pass for sexual predators

OP isn’t being puritanical...she is asking if a unsolicited request for sex work from a colleague should be reported

OP said she thought it was acceptable to sell, he asked if he could buy.

The poor lad is probably mortified. Likely he sent the message after a few drinks thinking it was either funny or flirtatious. It missed the mark. He’s young and stupid. It would be bang out of order to report him and potentially leave a mark in his record.

He apologised. Let it go.

How many of you saying you’d report this have young, naive sons who have done something silly? He will live and learn. OP just needs to block him. That should give him the message.

One of the OP’s HR team may have read this thread!

Leave it. You were a willing participant in the "only fans" conversation, he either misread the situation or was missed when he contacted you and has quickly retracted and apologised. You're unlikely to be in a position to be puritanical about this.

....respond by making a sex work request?

So women can no longer discuss sex or sex related things ...because that means they want to do that thing to anyone who overheard??

Really??

Maybe dont laugh and joke about things of a sexual nature if you don't want people to respond?

Here's the younger colleague ^^

Do you always feel things discussed are invitations to join? Parties, operations, weddings, appointments....or do you realise a lighthearted theoretical discussion is not an invitation for you to seek sexual pleasure / masturbate?

Or do you always centre yourself...in speech that you hear?

That's classic blame the victim, mate.

Leave it. You obviously joined in at the time and said what you said. He was just trying to take you up on your offer. Stop playing the shocked wide-eyed innocent now.

Have you read the OPs posts?

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though
thats really low. Do you think HR wouldn’t ask him about this ? And everyone who was part of the conversation will likely be interviewed by HR so you’d be better off being completely up front.
His text is really inappropriate and I would have no hesitation in telling him that, any further unsolicited inappropriate contact will be reported.
I’m a senior manager and have had to, on a few occasions, in social setting, remind colleagues to simmer down the conversation as it’s NSFW even in an out of hours work social setting, it’s bloody tedious and I hate having to do it but I’d absolutely would not want to be interviewed by HR regarding a conversation about selling soiled underwear. Cringing at the mere thought of it.

How did he misjudge a comment on a hypothetical situation as an Okay to directly and privately message OP after she departed? 🤔
I wonder if he did the same to everyone else, including the men?

Sex work isn't exempt from tax.

Wow so many grasses on here like!
I'd sell him my old drawers nee bother.

Exactly. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

I would report. Not necessarily to get anything done but the texting at night and then when you don't get a response texting in the morning to apologise (and blame a friend!) is a classic way of testing the waters. You've got to wonder if you are the first person at work he's done this too or if he hassle many of the women to try and see if he can make headway with any. So report so that it's on HR's radar and if someone else complains they can see it isn't an isolated incident.