To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

He apologised, You don't know for sure his mate didn't send it. Block him. Don't ruin a young man's life.

My concern is the length of time between the initial conversation and the message - if it was the same night and he was drunk you could write if off as immaturity. BUT this is a week or two later - he has been thinking about it all this time - even if he is right and it was one of his mates, he has been talking about it with his friends in enough detail that they knew who to message - not sure I would report to HR but I would have no involvement with him outside of work, and only what I can't get out of in work

You don't know this about him, HR are the very people she should tell tbh. It sounds to me like he was testing her boundaries and you have no idea how many women he's tried it with. If they all keep quiet he'll keep getting away with it. I've seen this play out more times than I'd like to have done.

My issue is that OP intends to be dishonest about it. She says she's going to report to HR that he sent an unsolicited message but will deliberately withhold the context of the OnlyFans convo, making it sound like he just messaged her a pervy message out of the blue. His behaviour wasn't appropriate but what she plans to do isn't fair. That's why I don't think she should report, if that's what she's going to do.

Yes, it is creepy, many men are, so why get into inappropriate conversations with them in the first place.

I'm surprised most of them seem to be defending him because he is young.

Do they not know how these old men perverts get to be that way?? The answer may surprise you!

I think that the conversation at the pub was ok, as it was a group conversation

The issue was the trying to take it further, and talking alone (just the 2 people)

People are also missing the detail that the male colleague didn't message OP on the same night.
The colleague messaged some time later, days, drunk on a different and unrelated occasion while away on holiday.

JFC if that doesn't scream creep then what does?!

Does she need to mention the harm? Isn't it implicit...who would want that?? From a WORK colleague she must have ongoing contact with 🤢

WTAF why are so many of you suggesting she protects the inappropriate pervert ? This is why men get away with it ffs

For his friend to have messaged you, he must have told his friend about the conversation and your name. It sounds odd.

I’d report, but then my job is investigating grievances relating to sexual behaviour/assaults in the workplace, so I know how innocuous things can add up until there’s a very serious problem.

😂😂😂

Nope ...that's a reading comprehension challenge....consensus doesn't say her and "would be" is not present tense is it??? "A joking conversation"...you've ignored that. "Acceptable way to make money" does not state for whom?

So the mere fact of talking about it means you do it??

Is this argument similar to a mini skirt implies consent????

Thanks for contributing.

If this was a 60 year old man texting a younger female colleague 'will you sell your used underwear to me - our secret', I highly doubt there would be so many imbeciles defending it. Jesus Christ.

There's a world of difference between him sending a random sexual invitation, and him sending a message that stemmed from something you talked about when drunk.

It would be an enormous lie by omission if you left that part out. And absolutely disgusting duplicity on your part.

Definitely inappropriate to omit those details.
I do get it that women feel afraid they'll be blamed - because it happens and women are doubted.

What utter bollocks

many women don’t report because so many excuses are made for poor male behaviour

women and girls have always had to explain themselves as to why men act inappropriately towards them/sexually harassed/assulted them

what they were wearing, how much they had drunk, what they did say/do in other words how did they encourage them

and now another excuse because some women and no doubt because some girls have lied or exaggerated 🙄

That’s awful. Why one earth would you do that? Presumably he would bring it up and the other people involved in the OF conversation might back him up and then you’d like a wally.

Indeed. 😔

Er, no

Not that I believe this guy, but my phone doesn’t automatically lock at all. I use it daily to read music which might take me 10 mins to play each piece, so I have mine set up to lock only when I press the lock button. Useful too if I’m using them for a recipe, which is fairly often.

If you want everyone to behave totally professionally with you, then it helps if you stick to behaving professionally yourself and don't discuss doing only fans with colleagues. If you get drunk and discuss porn then boundaries do get rather blurred.

She doesnt mention being offended or any other negative feeling/consequence.

None.

Just that if she reported him, she'd leave out the earlier conversation. I wonder why.

Similar thing happened to me (I wrote about it under a separate thread) and I didn't report it but I did address it with him directly to let him know it was inappropriate and unacceptable.