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Original poster

To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

606 replies

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:25

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

OP posts:
MoonWoman69 · 06/05/2026 07:24

nomas · 06/05/2026 01:09

It was an unsolicited message. How is that a lie?

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Have you read the full thread? Maybe do before commenting, as that wasn't what the lie was regarding.

Ladyfromthehill · 06/05/2026 06:18

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

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In which case you would be lying, which tells us more about you than about the guy. The fact he doesnt have the covnersation in writing doesnt mean that he could not use this as evidence especially as more people took part in it.

Ladyfromthehill · 06/05/2026 06:17

Restlessdreams1994 · 05/05/2026 17:38

I wouldn’t report but equally I wouldn’t have drunken conversations about how far I would go on onlyfans with my work colleagues.

This, I mean OP was widely unprofessional alongside the other colleagues- this could have been reported too.

wheresthesnowgone · 06/05/2026 06:14

Depends ..... How much was he willing to pay?

Malasana · 06/05/2026 06:09

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

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So although you participated in a conversation about selling underwear, you’d miss that part out and report him for sending you a message and frame it as being totally out of the blue.
Bit of a snake aren’t you?

Dery · 06/05/2026 01:47

@nomas - fair enough but there was still a back story which is relevant. This request was inappropriate but it didn’t come out of nowhere. If OP decides to report it, she should provide that context.

nomas · 06/05/2026 01:31

Dery · 06/05/2026 01:12

It would be truly shitty to report him for his message without the context which is that you and other colleagues engaged in drunken chat about selling underwear on OnlyFans. This message may have been unsolicited but there is a relevant backstory. It sounds to me like everyone crossed a line, a seed was planted and this young guy took it a bit further, probably out of inexperience rather than anything more. The fairer and more honest thing would be to make clear to him privately that his message was unacceptable and, as others have said, not have drunken chats with colleagues about OnlyFans.

Edited

So naive and inexperienced yet he had the foresight to ask OP to keep it as our secret. Not buying it. He’s a grown man, not a teen.

Dery · 06/05/2026 01:12

It would be truly shitty to report him for his message without the context which is that you and other colleagues engaged in drunken chat about selling underwear on OnlyFans. This message may have been unsolicited but there is a relevant backstory. It sounds to me like everyone crossed a line, a seed was planted and this young guy took it a bit further, probably out of inexperience rather than anything more. The fairer and more honest thing would be to make clear to him privately that his message was unacceptable and, as others have said, not have drunken chats with colleagues about OnlyFans.

nomas · 06/05/2026 01:09

angelikacpickles · 05/05/2026 18:20

So you'd lie by omission then?

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It was an unsolicited message. How is that a lie?

Beachforever · 06/05/2026 01:01

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:55

Is there a reason why you ignore that the men and women all said they would sell their clothes?

The hyperfocus on a woman is bizarre.

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The PP asked if she’d never said anything a bit over the top when drunk.

OP said no, blah blah blah

I’m just pointing out that saying you’d sell your dirty underwear to get a bit of OF work was probably a bit over the top for work colleague chat.

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:57

SemperIdem · 06/05/2026 00:43

HR would investigate regardless of the ‘desired’ outcome by the complainant. The size of the organisation is irrelevant.

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HR also use their discretion. If an employee (and her manager if informed) wants him to just get a warning, that can happen, as long as he hasn’t done the same to other women. Referring to the size of the organisation is to show that it’s not a small business without an HR team.

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:55

Beachforever · 06/05/2026 00:49

Maybe not, but you did tell many colleagues that you’d be willing to sell your worn underwear 🤷‍♀️

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Is there a reason why you ignore that the men and women all said they would sell their clothes?

The hyperfocus on a woman is bizarre.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:53

Beachforever · 06/05/2026 00:49

Maybe not, but you did tell many colleagues that you’d be willing to sell your worn underwear 🤷‍♀️

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On Only Fans. And hypothetically, as did everyone else at the table.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:51

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:27

Alright cool. You crack on advising strangers to play fast and loose with their job security then.

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Scaring people from reporting isn't helpful to anyone. Filing a report isn't "playing fast and loose" fgs. 🤦‍♀️

Beachforever · 06/05/2026 00:49

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:44

I’ve never messaged a colleague offering to pay money for their worn underwear, no.

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Maybe not, but you did tell many colleagues that you’d be willing to sell your worn underwear 🤷‍♀️

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:46

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:33

You don't know what the outcome would be, for the OP or for the man. Unless you work there and you know them both?

I do know that at my workplace, they'd both be investigated.

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Both being investigated isn't bad. HR would interview everyone who had been at the gathering.

SemperIdem · 06/05/2026 00:43

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:40

Equally you don’t know there would be an investigation as you state.

At my (big) workplace, OP would be asked what she wants the outcome to be, she may suggest he gets a warning, and HR would assess whether a warning is necessary and check if any other complaints have been made about him.

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HR would investigate regardless of the ‘desired’ outcome by the complainant. The size of the organisation is irrelevant.

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:40

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:33

You don't know what the outcome would be, for the OP or for the man. Unless you work there and you know them both?

I do know that at my workplace, they'd both be investigated.

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Equally you don’t know there would be an investigation as you state.

At my (big) workplace, OP would be asked what she wants the outcome to be, she may suggest he gets a warning, and HR would assess whether a warning is necessary and check if any other complaints have been made about him.

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:33

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:29

OP’s job would not be at risk, that is catastrophising.

The man gets a slap on the wrist and thinks before he does it again.

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You don't know what the outcome would be, for the OP or for the man. Unless you work there and you know them both?

I do know that at my workplace, they'd both be investigated.

nomas · 06/05/2026 00:29

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:27

Alright cool. You crack on advising strangers to play fast and loose with their job security then.

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OP’s job would not be at risk, that is catastrophising.

The man gets a slap on the wrist and thinks before he does it again.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:29

FWIW I'm also curious about the OP's particular phrasing. Too bad she seems to have abandoned the thread. For all WE know the scenario could be false.
Interesting discussion, though!

takealettermsjones · 06/05/2026 00:27

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:22

Doubtful.

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Alright cool. You crack on advising strangers to play fast and loose with their job security then.

thehaplessgardener · 06/05/2026 00:25

Colleagueissue26 · 05/05/2026 17:49

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though - nothing was documented in terms of that conversation. I would frame it as an unsolicited message looking to exchange money for sexual favours. Which is documented.

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Oh, that's low. You wouldn't "need to relay this detail" but I expect the young man and all others present at the drunken conversation could relay it, in any case.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/05/2026 00:23

MoonWoman69 · 06/05/2026 00:22

@Mumtobabyhavoc Yes and in that case then she shouldn't have been having inappropriate conversations with work colleagues!

Inappropriate according to....? 🙄
It seems the conversation involved several people and all thought it lighthearted. The only one who took it seriously was the 22 year old who seems to want to buy OP's knickers secretly....
Again, I ask: did he proposition everyone else in the group? Men and women? Did he ask each to keep it a secret?

RafaFan · 06/05/2026 00:23

BishyBarnyBee · 05/05/2026 17:39

I'd avoid the drunken sexualised conversations in a work context in future.

In my experience - though many moons ago now - the drunken conversations about sex were often the preliminary to the drunken sex. It is certainly blurring the work/life boundary to a degree which is proabably unwise.

This.