Employer refusing flexibility after child’s surgery. What would you do?

232 replies

TornIn2WorkThenChild · 05/05/2026 16:17

Hi all, I am posting here for traffic and name changed as details are outing.

I really need some straight-talking advice as I’m completely stuck and don’t know what to do for the best.

I work part-time (15 hours a week) in an early years setting. My teenage daughter has just had surgery on both knees and her recovery has been far more complicated than we were told. She currently has very limited mobility and needs help with basic things like getting up and getting to the toilet. At the moment, I’m the only person she will allow to help her.

Since September I’ve had a mix of dependent leave and sickness (including 2 weeks signed off after my own surgery). My employer has now refused any temporary flexibility and expects me to attend work as normal, come home on my lunch break to help my daughter, then go back again.

I just don’t see how that’s realistic or safe. I’m really worried about leaving her alone for long periods in her current condition, but equally I feel like I can’t refuse to go in without risking my job.

They’ve said my level of absence is the reason for refusing any adjustments.

I’ve asked for everything in writing and will be speaking to my union, but I’d really appreciate some honest opinions:

– Am I being unreasonable thinking this isn’t workable?
– Is what my employer is asking actually reasonable?
– Where do I stand legally with dependent leave in a situation like this?
– What would you do in my position?

Please be honest—I could really do with some outside perspective as I feel completely torn between my job and my daughter right now.

OP posts:

Loulou4022 · 05/05/2026 16:27

I’m afraid your employer is in the right here. I’ve just been reading our staff absence policy and we would only get up to 3 days carer dependence which is to make other arrangements for care. It sounds as though your absence is already quite high hence why they are refusing it. I work for the council and after 10 days of absence we would be on a stage 1 absence plan this then moves to stage 2 after any further absences in a set period of time. This includes for surgery, illness and I’m pretty sure any planned authorised leave such as attending a wedding or funeral would be counted too.

Octavia64 · 05/05/2026 16:26

When you say you are the only person your daughter will allow to help her is there someone else at home?

if so I’d be telling her that she needs to accept help from her dad/siblings/whatever

Whatmade · 05/05/2026 16:26

@TornIn2WorkThenChild you have rights. What exactly do you want from your employer? So we can understand what that would look like

Zanatdy · 05/05/2026 16:25

Spread your 14hrs over 5 days. What flexibility have you asked for?

Pugglywuggly · 05/05/2026 16:23

I think you need to spell it out to your daughter how serious the situation now is. It sounds like you have other people who maybe could help but your daughter doesn't want that. You're going to lose your job if you're not able to attend work.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/05/2026 16:23

15 hours a week? I'm assuming as you say lunchbreak, that's two days of 7.5 plus lunch, which means she's only by herself for just over 4 hours at a time.

It could be your worry preventing it more than it being impossible/unsafe.

canklesmctacotits · 05/05/2026 16:21

If you've exhausted all your entitlement to dependent and sick leave, and have no paid holidays to use, you can ask for unpaid leave but I'm guessing that won't be granted given your job. I don't know how many other options you have, but it doesn't sound like the employer is in the wrong here. They have ratios to comply with, employees they can rely on to continue operating. What do you really expect them to do?

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