To have confronted DH's cousin for flirting with him?

Can't blame you

Talk it through with your hubby to put your mind at rest, though a bit of me wonders if there isn't always a bit of something lingers on after a sexual encounter, however long ago.
You've warned her off, I would either do the same with hubby - who seemed to be enoying it a bit too much - or keep a very close eye on them for the rest of the holiday. Whichever you do, neither her nor his behaviour was within appropriate limits so you are well within your rights to address it.

@winnieanddaisy

To be fair (and I say this as someone who supports the decriminalisation of non-procreative incest between consenting adults) - people are almost certainly not pretending to be horrified about the cousins' relationship. It's not manufactured, it's clearly genuine, and it's probably not a situation that other posters have had any exposure towards.

Uh, people aren't pretending. I am genuinely disgusted that so many posters are normalising it.

I don’t think people are pretending to be horrified, they just are, because whilst legal it’s unusual.

I don’t know why everyone is pretending to be so horrified to hear about cousins shagging . I’m not sure but i believe that it’s still legal in this country to marry your first cousin . It is not incest as some have stated .

I think you were justified on pulling her up for flirting, I think mentioning the relationship she and your DH had, will stir up a hornets nest!

But it can’t be undone now.

Apologies for missing the point (OP you were bang on) but I don’t see how £23k can go very far on a holiday for 17 people.

From what you've said, your husband hasn't encouraged her, in fact his standing up while she was on his lap was active discouragement
And you've put her in her place with your effective threat

I wouldn’t tolerate any adult woman sitting on my DH lap and nor would he. Not ok.

YANBU What you did was highly effective in curbing her behavior, but it was your husband who is the real problem.

On a side note, cousins! Gross.

If all family were sitting around with you both then it would have been difficult for you dh to tell her to stop. What he did was fine (got up so she had to stand). No matter what anyone says, he was a 'boy' of 16 and thankfully his 'immature but not bad' behaviour back then has not swayed your feelings for him and nor should they. I'm glad you spoke to her as she was acting innappropriately for whatever reason, but now it's all done. Inform your hubby before she does that you've said something and move on and enjoy a lovely holiday xx

You shouldn’t have had to tell her to stop dh should have. I wonder if it was this scenario at 16 with her chasing him. I presume she is embarrassed that it was so obvious and she was drunk particularly in front of your children.

This. She was massively disrespectful to you and needed to be told that.

You poor thing, this sounds like an awful situation.

Try and enjoy the holiday and the fact you shouldn't see her again for a very long time.

Assuming your in the UK it's legal for cousin to marry so not sure why that is a major factor in anything. The only relevant thing is they had a "thing" a 16 year olds and hadn't interacted for years until now. Then she goes into full on flirt mode and he didn't knock her back. You had to intervene. I would be very annoyed with him.

I 100% believe you did the right thing. If she has any morals, she should come to you and apologise for her behaviour, you did nothing wrong. I also do not think your husband is blameless. He was flattered to be getting the attention from her. He should have taken her aside and told her to stop her behaviour that it wasn't acceptable.

@Temporaryusernamename

Relax and enjoy your holiday!

The cousin bit is in a way irrelevant. You had a word with a woman who was publicly behaving inappropriately with your husband. You didn’t publicly shame her. It’s a shame DH didn’t stop it, but there you go.

Her troubles are also irrelevant, just unfortunate timing.

Water under the bridge now. You can be normal with her, but she now knows where she stands. Good on you! She seems an attention seeking madam.

I’d be tempted to wait until after the holiday to talk to DH. See if he even notices and comments on cousins behaviour change.

"My husband likes the game Incest the Whole Family Can Play" nek minute it's "I'm not telling youse so THERE". What a thread!

She behaved terribly, and when called out on it has been humiliated.

good! She has poor social boundaries.

im not impressed with your husband though for not telling her himself, there is no way my husband would just laugh this off etc

I think you were entirely reasonable and well done you for calling her out.

It sounds like the cousin was looking for an ego boost after her recent situation and thought she could use your DH because no one knew about their history. She was probably enjoying the idea of a few touchy-feely moments and everyone around them being oblivious - oooh look how naughty we are!

You calling her out has blown her cover - her ego boost didn't include being confronted by his angry wife.

It's sad that she's had a hard time recently but that's not your problem and doesn't excuse her behaviour. Don't apologise to her and if you're feeling guilty then just ask yourself this - what sort of person makes themself feel better by targeting a married man?

Haven't RTFT but man alive does your husband take responsibility for anything ever?! He had to have sex with his cousin because he was put in that position, he gets to be hugged and kissed and flirted with by another woman in front of his wife because he knows he won't be the one getting the full brunt of her anger

Anyway no you haven't ruined the holiday, the cousin has stopped her behaviour so job done! Even if there is an atmosphere nobody will blame you, all the family members were probably uncomfortable themselves watching the two of them!

Sounds like all the adults in this holiday need to stop drinking. Can’t imagine how shite this must be for other holidaymakers to be in this vicinity of the huge drunk family group.

The main problem here is that you launched an attack at her when you were emotional (feeling jealous and insecure) and drunk. That is always going to feel terrible.

It is also completely human to feel insecure seeing a gorgeous woman draped all over your husband in a tiny dress especially if you're feeling a bit drab yourself. That's not her fault of course but give yourself a break. A pp a few pages back outlined perfectly how they have a shared secret and you can't call out the behaviour as then you'd look like the weirdo for accusing cousins. So you're essentially gagged.

The woman sounds a mess. The 'man she was going to marry' indeed. She was no doubt his mistress and your MIL has bought the romantic fictitious rewrite.

I had a friend for years who was like this woman; very sexy and good-looking, lurching from one drama to the next, sleeping with her male friends when they had relationship trouble then getting angry when the dynamic changed when the men stayed with their partners. Honestly she is to be pitied.

I hope yesterday went ok. It's probably too late now but the best thing you could do is say "listen I reached my limit and lashed out, I was drunk and tired and had enough. I'm sorry for the threats I made and I don't intend to betray my husbands confidence. But you need to get yourself together, you shouldn't be draped all over married men, it's really inappropriate."

Surely he would be sleeping with his child in this example, not his half sister? And he would know it was his child and there would be a big age gap. The comparison doesn't stand.