To have confronted DH's cousin for flirting with him?

Quite. There's a weird amount of support for legal incest on this thread from some people!

@ohyesido

It's not okay for other people to call the cousin a slut and a cow.

But why on earth would you expect the OP to be kind to someone who was flirting with her husband right in front of her?

Now that OP knows about the cousin's own recent experiences, yes, perhaps she could be understanding, and has even suggested that herself. But she didn't know any of that at the time she told the cousin off. It's not fair to paint her as unreasonable for losing her temper with the cousin.

OP also needs to take her husband to task for failing to shut down this behaviour himself.

And results in disabled children and genetic mutations. Do you have something you want to tell us?

No she’s mad because this head case is trying her best to drape herself all over the husband, who should NOT be tolerating it, because she’s a cow and getting off on what she thought was her ‘dirty little secret’ with him (only.. it turned out to be not so secret, LOL)

@LoyalMember

Yes - being judgemental of the OP is really unkind, especially when she's made it clear that she had no idea the cousin was going through anything and that when she found out it actually made her feel bad! The OP is being pretty fair, I think.

I was referring to the UK.

The OP is mad and threatened because her husband had a secret relationship with his attractive cousin in the past. Does that make it okay for others to call her a slut and a cow?

be kind, but not to anyone your husband had a go on in the past, right?

Jesus F#cking Christ, d'you want the OP to bring them breakfast in bed and the morning paper?

Good for you OP. I am afraid I wouldn’t feel guilty at all.

Doesn’t excuse her behavior though, she got hurt as a women so she chose behaviour that is brazen and flirtatious. I would not be sorry for being harsh. Thank you clarifying that, I thought she’d been though a big illness the way others are jumping yo her deference. She knew exactly what she was doing and thought the op was oblivious to it!

I think your DH sounds pathetic. He should have dealt with it. He had plenty of opportunities.

You have acted like a dog that urinates to mark its territory.

Oh fgs. Do your research. A lot of first cousins have married each other in past 50 years. In some cultures it’s preferred.

There are some lines you don't cross and the op was right to put a boundary in place. She can't flaunt herself at the ops husband every time she has a break up.

I know. Apart from your parents, siblings, and your own children, cousins are as close familially as you can get.

I think what you said to her was risky in terms of family dynamics. It held the possibility of blowing your MiL's incredibly generous gift to you all to pieces. I understand why you felt riled by her and her behaviour was totally inappropriate, but your DH sounds like he was humouring it for the sake of the holiday, not reveling in it, so I think, really, you should have done the same secure in the knowledge he is in love with you, not her. You aren't 100% secure, so I do get it but talking to your DH would have been a better way to handle that.

Nevertheless, I don't think you've ruined her holiday. You've just reminded her that she isn't a teen still, that your DH isn't her therapy for a nasty ex. and she shouldn't be using him as such. She can still relax in the glow of a fun and loving family without flirting with her married cousin in front of his wife - and it will probably do a lot more for her mental health than her indulging in an old fantasy as though other people don't exist.

Also, although she may well be shocked by being called out and be taking things down a notch, she's probably also hungover and this isn't all a reaction to what you said to her.

It's in the OP. Apparently she was cheated on recently and was finding it helpful to spend time with family.

Why was the cousin vulnerable? I can’t find that bit?

You did the right thing, OP. Nipped it in the bud. She was being a cow.

You went 30 to 100 on this one. She was being inappropriate, you were right to say something but maybe using the words that you did. Fair play though, after a few drinks I might have done the same. No way back from it though, just don't see her again.

DH says not to worry about it as he doesn't feel anything for her and nothing is going to happen and she's just being playful.

He was minimising her behaviour and needed to have been clearer about boundaries.

But she was the one doing the flirting (unnacceptable), and I think the fact that she was coming towards you all huggy meant that she was generally carrying on like that in drunken luuuuurve. She got a nasty shock from you - if you want you could approach her and say 'look, no hard feelings, don't let it spoil this special time with MIL , and of course I would not say anything. The past is the past, best keep it that way in all forms of communication"

Why is she vulnerable? She sounds the opposite.

I'm not sure anyone has been okay with first cousins fucking each other in the last 50 odd years.

@ohyesido

No. My point is that your original comment implied that the OP was aware that the woman was vulnerable and therefore shouldn't have said anything nasty to her.

Given that the OP has made it clear that she wasn't aware of what the woman had recently been through, you shouldn't come down so harshly on OP for what she said. If she had known beforehand, maybe she would have tempered her language a bit.

This is about sticking up for the OP, not trying to get men to like me!

Maybe not these days but certainly in the past they were.

So what is your point?

let’s all vilify the vulnerable cousin so any passing men will think we are wife material?