To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

You think it’s acceptable because potentially a single mother, for her to not read messages or take calls?

If she's at the theatre, as the OP said the point of the trip is, of course she can't take calls.

I turn off read notifications. No one can see if I've read messages or not. If I had multiple messages with updates on how my children were, that's fine.

They are 6 and 9. They aren't tiny. Mine were having sleepovers with friends from age 4.

Yes, it's possible this woman is an uncaring feckless parent. It's also possible she's having a few days away and disconnecting is the main point of the break.

This is shocking. You could be ringing because of an accident or anything.

Yep very weird and I wouldn’t be doing her a favour again!!

It’s rude not to even read your messages.

Triggered?

I agree it's odd. I get photos and updates of my dog after 24 hours in the kennels. I also think she should have spoken to her kids on the phone to reassure them or say hello. That to me is even stranger than not talking to you.

Yeah that’s odd, especially as you rang her. I’d be panicked if I saw missed calls from person caring for my children. Quite rude of her too, given you’re doing her a favour.

Do you have her sister's contact number? Or one for another family member who can pass on her sister's details to you. It seems weird to leave her kids with you for 3 days and not give you an emergency contact. I wouldn't have looked after someone else's children without it.

I was away from mine when I was in the hospital and I didn't phone them as they would have cried but I text dh to check on them as soon as I was able.

Perhaps others are right in that she trusts you implicitly and wants to truly switch off and enjoy her time away. However, even if she wasn't going to ring or text off her own back the very least she could do is respond to messages. I wouldn't be in a hurry to volunteer to have them overnight again if I were you.

Like a poster above have had phase where travel lot got work and my husband is away a lot. We would rarely contact children while away. It usually less disruptive and there is some out sight out of mind.
However would answer any message a minder sent and answer any phone call.
With your story my concern would be something up as she not answering you.

Some of us care about our kids and can't just switch off. Unlike you.

Given that the mum isn't reading messages or even answering the phone I would be worried. The fact that you don't find this worrying is concerning.

Leaving a child with family is different from a friend, however close… not that I’d go nc on them either.

Because she trusts that you’ll call her if there’s a problem?

She isnt picking up the phone to the OP who has rung her......she doesnt care

You think it’s acceptable because potentially a single mother, for her to not read messages or take calls?

Sorry, if I was looking after your children, I don’t care who you were with, I expect you to read messages and answer my calls.

No matter if she is a single parent and doesn’t often get a break, she’s unlikely to get another one by OP looking after her children again, justifiably.

She cannot just not bother to have any contact, is not a choice.

It's not judgy at all- what are you talking about? The OP is doing this woman a massive favour for free, her own kids are asking to talk to their mum and say goodnight and she cant even be arsed to read a text message or pick up the phone to her friend who is caring for her kids or say goodnight to them?

She's a shit mum and rude to boot. Its not "judgy" if its factual.

How odd!

You'd go away and think it’s ok to not read messages or have your phone on?

No matter how many kids or what age, that’s off IMO.

1. It had been one day, not three
2. She's gone to London to see shows at the west end - of course she can't answer her phone at bedtime.
3. She can see the previews of WhatsApp and the OP has sent multiple updates across the one day concerned

Yes, maybe she's off with a fella like some people are saying. But maybe she's on a much needed break - no mention of the kids' father so it's clearly all on her - and she knows her children are well looked after with a friend she trusts.

The children are 6 and 9, not toddlers. Mine had been away on holiday with their grandparents for a week several times at those ages. I love them very much but I also knew they were just fine without me.

@StealthMama - I do, once a year. I cram four shows into three days and it's fantastic. DH is home with the children for those days. It's my annual getaway.

Why are you surprised? Her birthday choice was to be away from them. The world we live in.

I wonder if her phone has been pinched, which is why it’s active but no messages have been read.

again, though, if it had then it’s normal to send someone else’s details in case of emergency.

I was going to suggest contacting her sister but that might look needy

3 nights in London for musicals and shows…… who does that??!

Like someone else said - are you sure she’s with her sister and not a boyfriend/partner? Sounds like she’s consumed/distracted by something! Maybe secretly abroad.

Amh updates since writing?

What is your friend like as a parent usually OP?

The youngest is 6, which could mean they’re a few months older than op’s dc and in the same school year.

Having 5 kids is a you decision, surely? I don’t get how it means the kids would feel differently than if they were an only child. My dd at 6 would have been distraught at not speaking to me.

She’s getting a break, three nights break.

A break doesn’t mean you don’t ensure your dC are ok, nor that your friend is coping ok, you don’t ignore messages!

Honestly, unless they’re with their DF, they are still your responsibility and actually if things aren’t working out, you’ll need to come home …it’s called parent hood !

I cannot believe that a second person (apart from OPs friend) thinks this is ok! It’s not!

OP has called her because her children wanted to speak to her. She hasn't answered the phone. OP is doing her a massive favour so she is either really rude to ignore her calls and messages or something has happened that means that she can't call. OP is right to be worried that something is wrong and really pissed off if there isn't.

Don’t be silly. A quick message to check how they are doesn’t affect your break