To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

That’s so bad

At the very least she should be reading messages . What if there was an emergency? Wow when my 3 were young I would definitely be sending texts and photos of what I was doing, and a thanks for looking after them, hope it’s all going ok, do you need anything, etc etc etc

I get that she wants a break and to switch off, but what if there was an emergency? I would definitely say something when she got back: that her DC were disappointed that she didn't pick up to say goodnight to them, and that I was troubled by the fact she didn't respond to any messages at all. I'd also add a caveat that I wouldn't feel comfortable having her DC to stay overnight in future because of the lack of contact.

I check more on my dog!

Wheres the dad in all this?

My mother used to tell me off for checking on the kids, when they were babies and staying overnight for several days. I was always away for work so only messaging a couple of times a day, not bombarding her. She perceived it as a slight on her grandparenting skills.

I can understand that with some kids/ families it's less disruptive to them if you don't speak to them direct. But I think it's a common courtesy to speak to the person who is looking after them to make sure everything is fine - even if you trust them and know they'd contact you if there was a problem. I always speak to my parents when they look after mine, even if it's only a day I'll message them at lunch to make sure they're ok (my parents, not the kids!)

God how upsetting for her kids. The only thing you can do OP is when she gets back make it clear you think it was rude to ignore your messages and calls, and never ever look after her kids again! She’s telling you who she is.

Good for her! Leave her alone, let her switch off. Assuming as you’re there there’s no DP/DH on the scene and she just needs a break.

Unless she explicitly asked you to only contact her DH/mum while she was away, it’s extremely rude she’s been unreachable and not reading your messages. And even if she had asked you to only contact someone else in case of emergency etc, I still find it weird she hasn’t wanted to say good night to her kids.

Wanting to know where your school age children are at all times, and worrying if you don't know where they are is NOT 'dramatic pearl clutching!' 🙄

Give me strength!

.

Are you sure she’s ok? That does sound odd.

You still could have answered my question though. How can you know your children are OK if you don't know where they are?

Who decides what is right or wrong then we all have a different scale on that and with the dramatic pearl clutching that seems to be on every single thread 'i would never do that' it is hard to tell the shell from the oysters

Of course the thing we are not thinking about is what if the op was calling/messaging to say something was wrong? If there had been a message then I call id be thinking the worst

I wonder also where we have come to where the word 'judge' is seen badly

Yes people should be judged for doing the wrong thing. Of course.

So now posters are falling overthemselves to call others judgey/judgemental

Those posters are falling over themselves to say they're not judgemental

Its ok to a judge a situation and say 'its not ok'.

She can probably read the messages as they pop up on her screen.

Just because OP isn’t getting read notifications doesn’t mean the messages aren’t being read.

It's been over 24 hours and she still hasn't even sent a quick text to check. Theatre shows dont go on for over 24 hours solid 😆

In 36 hours she would have found at least 30 seconds to respond to a text message. Dont be ridiculous.

Also, this isnt her family looking after her kids its her friend doing her a massive favour - I cannot believe how rude she is being

Not one mention of the dad in all this - is he dead 💀 ?

Or is it only Mums that are required to check in with their kids?

People put a lot of store into whether the technology is accurate enough to tell all the time if messages have been read or not. Its not foolproof or infallible.

However I would have thought she should be checking in herself

I can understand not speaking to them if it would unsettle them but not messaging you to see how you are doing and whether you need anything is very poor behaviour towards a friend who is doing a massive favour..

You don’t “disconnect” from young kids … I’m all for nights out/weekends away without them but you bloody check in with them and/or their carers.

I've been in a situation similar,I came to the conclusion that some people patent very differently to me.

I initially thought you were unreasonable as it had only been 24 hours and you'd messaged multiple times, so she knows how they are, she doesn't have anything to check. And messages don't show as read if she'd read then in the notifications, for example. However, if you are doing her the favour of looking after them, it's rude to ignore your messages and calls. I wouldn't check up on my kids for one night away but I always phone the kids for a chat if they stay with grandparents more then one night, and wouldn't ignore messages from the person they are staying with no matter how short the stay.
Although if she's going to shows and on the tube etc she won't always be able to answer.