To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

Are the kids happy?...welI I guess she'll never know.

I can't believe some people wouldn't check in on their young children.

I'm getting visions of the character Denise from the Royle Family!

If she’d bothered her arse to acknowledge the first message, like anyone with basic manners, the OP may not have messaged again.

There is no defence to ignoring all messages. Especially the one where her children wanted to speak to her. Even if it was to reply to say that she thought it would upset them more or whatever.

Not showing the OP basic manners is totally out of order even if she thinks the OP shouldn’t be messaging.

I don’t think your friend should call you to check that the children are alright. Because, obviously, they are all right otherwise you would’ve contacted her.

On the other hand, you are doing her a favour and I think it would be polite and acknowledging the favour, to check in that you are managing ok.

I actually think it’s really rude to be constantly messaging with nonsense

are you being paid for this service OP?

It’s not what many parents would do, for sure, but calling her disgraceful is dramatic when the kids are safe and happy with their entrusted care giver.

Some of these replies are astonishing

There’s nothing anxious attachment style in expecting the mother of two children you are minding for several days to have the manners to acknowledge messages set .

Its basic manners and courtesy.

Wow!

She's had a message saying her children want to speak to her. She's ignored it. That's really not ok.

If the OP is now resentful of doing this favour then that’s her own fault and not that of the mum. OP needs to consider why they said yes to this level of commitment and responsibility when they are so unhappy about it now. Have you done this sort of ‘favour’ before OP? Why did you agree to it?

If the mum is away there’s going to be nothing they can actually do in the event of an actual emergency anyway. For example I have a job that takes me away and where I am uncontactable - if there’s an emergency DH or the GPs take care of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means I trust them entirely and I recognise that I cannot do anything positive at that point anyway.

some posters need to google anxious attachment style

It would be disgraceful if OP messages her saying her child is sick or hurt or upset and the mum didn’t reply. That has not happened.

She can read your WhatsApps or messages as they pop up on screen. Just because you aren’t getting read notifications doesn’t mean she isn’t reading them.

I would be absolutely livid with her.

If the person who is kindly minding your children messages you then you read and reply. If they call then you answer or call back.

Anything is downright rude, and potentially irresponsible when she has no idea why you’re calling.

it would be the last time I minded for her.

Sounds like she doesn't want to spoil her time away with any reminders of her responsibilities. She obviously thinks she deserves it.
I would never offer again, unfair on you, and her poor children. Absolutely disgraceful.

Well she's made sure that OP won't be doing any favours for her again after this. She's ignored messages and phone calls so if something bad had happened to her kids, she wouldn't know and probably wouldn't care. OP only tried to contact her because her kids wanted to speak to their mum. OP is doing this mum a massive favour having her two kids for three nights but she doesn't seem at all grateful.

I find the whole thing odd actually. 3 nights away and leaving the kids with a friend? And when they are at school too so you are having to sort that out.

Seriously?

Jeez some people are unbelievable!

She won’t be getting another break with OP looking after her children, with that attitude!

I wouldn't have expected to hear from her on the day she went, because she had seen her dc that afternoon, before leaving. Then presumably travelled and got ready / went straight out for food/ a show.
If I hadn't heard from her at all the following day by the end of the evening, I'd find it odd.
I do think your initial post was a bit premature in saying about going away for 3 nights and not checking on her dc at all. She'd only been gone 1 night at that point.

I suppose if they’re the ones that make their arrangements with their friend, then yes, they are!

She should be checking in with her friend, who she arranged to take care of her children. She should be reading messages and returning calls.

Does the father know or have contact details?

What kind of person can switch off completely from their kids completely especially if the carer has called them? You wouldn't know whether it was just to say goodnight or whether it was an emergency.

I'm not that mercenary and it seems that most mothers aren't.

We had this. 3 nights with DNs aged 4, 9 and 10. Not one peep from DB and his wife. It turned out they’d also left the kids to pack for themselves so we had to go back to their house for extra stuff. The weather was appalling and it was a really quite difficult weekend.

DH dropped them home ( he’d also collected them at some ungodly hour) and got a vague, ‘thanks’ and a piece of cheese.

We were really unimpressed.

Lol 3 nights. You are a mug

It’s weird to not even read the messages, what if there was some emergency?

It’s ok to switch off, but not even seeing/opening the sitter’s messages is strange.

You posted this literally 24 hours after her being away.
Bit off to post on MN for a slagging off session.
She presumably knows her kids well, maybe she knows they'd just get upset /unsettled by a "night night" call and trusts you?
I always used to call mine when they were little to say goodnight as wanted to hear them, but can understand if she's going to evening shows she might not be able to or something.
Maybe she just really needs the break.
It sounds like you're regularly updating her so she feels like you're keeping in touch and reassured that they're fine.I'd have to text you back if I was her though, just to say something like *aw, glad they're ok" or something.
Hate the age of social media sometimes. Hope she doesn't see this thread.

Well said.

When DD was that age and someone who was caring for her overnight had rung me, of course I would want to know why. Any caring parent would.

Unless something had happened to said parent then I would judge (and worry).