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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

283 replies

Summernightsmummy · 05/05/2026 13:31

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 06/05/2026 10:45

I think that she should at least phone them to say goodnight. Also it would be polite to check with OP as she is doing her friend a massive favour! Its disrespectful to say the least .

Pearlstillsinging · 06/05/2026 10:45

I don't have children but I always check up on the dogs if I've left someone else in charge while I'm away!

LassiKopiano24 · 06/05/2026 10:40

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:39

Do you think that’s good? Or do you think it’s dreadful parenting?

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I think the sarcasm went right over your head there

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:39

Ginorchoc · 06/05/2026 10:37

Oh I don’t know, daughters dad hasn’t checked in to see how she is for 19 years.

Do you think that’s good? Or do you think it’s dreadful parenting?

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:38

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:31

I don’t know, you would need to ask the OP.

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But what’s your thoughts, you’ve stated they’re not hurt, unwell or unhappy, how do you know that?

Do you think getting the messages, seeing them on the phone, but not opening them and responding is rude? Do you think it’s acceptable behaviour, like “well the kids are with you” not my problem, it’s meeeeee time?

Im interested to know your thought process, that thinks this is acceptable behaviour for a parent.

Ginorchoc · 06/05/2026 10:37

Oh I don’t know, daughters dad hasn’t checked in to see how she is for 19 years.

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:31

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:31

So there not unhappy that they want to say goodnight but mummy won’t take their call? They’re happy about that are they?

I don’t think so!

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I don’t know, you would need to ask the OP.

LassiKopiano24 · 06/05/2026 10:31

YourShyLion · 05/05/2026 22:42

I would never leave mine for one night let alone three so given the fact she's leaving them at all, it probably shouldn't be too surprising that she's not particularly bothered about them.

Here’s your medal🏅

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:31

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:23

No, I didn’t. It’s natural that the kids want to speak to their mum / wish her goodnight but that’s not the same as the kids being hurt or sick or unhappy.

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So there not unhappy that they want to say goodnight but mummy won’t take their call? They’re happy about that are they?

I don’t think so!

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:30

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:27

@nomas , here we go again 🤦‍♀️

And the calls………..

Please don’t try and say the DM is right, you can’t possibly believe that?

Its rude as a minimum!

Out of sight, out of mind, does not include your children. Well for responsible parents it doesn’t anyway.

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I never said she is right. I’ve said that it’s not what most parents would do.

But people are calling the mum disgraceful and saying she doesn’t care about her kids, which is unfair given the kids are safe, not sick or hurt or unhappy.

I think if OP messages her to say one of the above has happened, and the mum doesn’t respond, that’s the point I would get worried.

Clearinguptheclutter · 06/05/2026 10:27

yeah bit weird.I leave my kids for 2/3 days a time with my parents but usually in regular whatsapp contact even if we dont speak.

If I was told that one of them wanted to speak to me I'd call asap.

hope she responds soon. I'm sad for the children. I wouldnt want to look after them again tbh.

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:27

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:24

Again, she is probably reading the messages as they pop up on her screen. Just because OP isn’t getting read notifications, doesn’t mean the messages aren’t being read.

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@nomas , here we go again 🤦‍♀️

And the calls………..

Please don’t try and say the DM is right, you can’t possibly believe that?

Its rude as a minimum!

Out of sight, out of mind, does not include your children. Well for responsible parents it doesn’t anyway.

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:24

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:22

She hasn’t read the messages or answered calls, she doesn’t know what the situation is. It’s unbelievably rude not to acknowledge messages or take calls.

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Again, she is probably reading the messages as they pop up on her screen. Just because OP isn’t getting read notifications, doesn’t mean the messages aren’t being read.

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:23

echt · 06/05/2026 10:20

The children have asked to speak with her. You missed that bit out.

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No, I didn’t. It’s natural that the kids want to speak to their mum / wish her goodnight but that’s not the same as the kids being hurt or sick or unhappy.

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:22

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:18

The mum is posting pictures so she is well.

None of the OP’s messages to her have said that the children are sick or hurt or unhappy and the kids are with a trusted friend, so it’s not fair to say the mum doesn’t care about her kids.

If you can’t switch off from worrying about your kids, that might be surprising for other people on the thread.

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She hasn’t read the messages or answered calls, she doesn’t know what the situation is. It’s unbelievably rude not to acknowledge messages or take calls.

wobblychristmastree · 06/05/2026 10:21

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:14

Their father or grandparents, different to friends.

You were uncontactable, working, not on a jolly.

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well if the friend is not trustworthy then that’s a whole separate problem

echt · 06/05/2026 10:20

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:18

The mum is posting pictures so she is well.

None of the OP’s messages to her have said that the children are sick or hurt or unhappy and the kids are with a trusted friend, so it’s not fair to say the mum doesn’t care about her kids.

If you can’t switch off from worrying about your kids, that might be surprising for other people on the thread.

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The children have asked to speak with her. You missed that bit out.

MsSquiz · 06/05/2026 10:20

HoppityBun · 06/05/2026 09:47

I don’t think your friend should call you to check that the children are alright. Because, obviously, they are all right otherwise you would’ve contacted her.

On the other hand, you are doing her a favour and I think it would be polite and acknowledging the favour, to check in that you are managing ok.

But the OP has messaged and the mum hasn’t even read them, despite being active on WhatsApp and social media.

that, in itself is rude.
your friend offers to do you a huge favour and look after your children and you can’t even be arsed to read a message from them?

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:18

RampantIvy · 06/05/2026 06:54

Some of us care about our kids and can't just switch off. Unlike you.

Given that the mum isn't reading messages or even answering the phone I would be worried. The fact that you don't find this worrying is concerning.

Edited
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The mum is posting pictures so she is well.

None of the OP’s messages to her have said that the children are sick or hurt or unhappy and the kids are with a trusted friend, so it’s not fair to say the mum doesn’t care about her kids.

If you can’t switch off from worrying about your kids, that might be surprising for other people on the thread.

MsSquiz · 06/05/2026 10:18

I wouldn’t call to speak to my kids as they’d get upset and remember I was away.

but I would check in with the adult looking after them to see how they were doing

MrsCarmelaSoprano · 06/05/2026 10:15

WildLeader · 06/05/2026 09:50

My DS is 20, I still call/text him to check in if I’m away.

I do too and he doesn't live with us,but we still message to say we're going away.

Passingthrough123 · 06/05/2026 10:14

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2026 10:06

Unlike me? Save the personal attacks please.

Op's post was dripping with judgement!

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Um, calling someone judgypants is the definition of a personal attack!

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 10:14

wobblychristmastree · 06/05/2026 09:42

If the OP is now resentful of doing this favour then that’s her own fault and not that of the mum. OP needs to consider why they said yes to this level of commitment and responsibility when they are so unhappy about it now. Have you done this sort of ‘favour’ before OP? Why did you agree to it?

If the mum is away there’s going to be nothing they can actually do in the event of an actual emergency anyway. For example I have a job that takes me away and where I am uncontactable - if there’s an emergency DH or the GPs take care of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means I trust them entirely and I recognise that I cannot do anything positive at that point anyway.

some posters need to google anxious attachment style

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Their father or grandparents, different to friends.

You were uncontactable, working, not on a jolly.

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2026 10:06

RampantIvy · 06/05/2026 06:54

Some of us care about our kids and can't just switch off. Unlike you.

Given that the mum isn't reading messages or even answering the phone I would be worried. The fact that you don't find this worrying is concerning.

Edited
Show quote history

Unlike me? Save the personal attacks please.

Op's post was dripping with judgement!

WildLeader · 06/05/2026 09:50

My DS is 20, I still call/text him to check in if I’m away.

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