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Original poster

To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

283 replies

Summernightsmummy · 05/05/2026 13:31

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 08/05/2026 11:22

Witchonenowbob · 08/05/2026 10:21

I totally disagree, you still check, it’s common courtesy. You also do not ignore messages, that’s absolutely ignorant. Like your time is too precious to respond to someone giving up their time to look after your children.

You clearly have an out of sight out of mind attitude, which when it comes to your children is not acceptable.

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Strange as it seems on MN it's generally perfectly acceptable to leave it days to reply to a text

Thechaseison71 · 08/05/2026 11:21

Witchonenowbob · 08/05/2026 10:54

Because it shows interest and maybe to show appreciation and happiness that they’re all good?

How about ignoring the calls? Is that reasonable?

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No as id expect calls for an emergency only.

Mind you when my kids were small and my mum had them there wasn't the constant bloody cobtact. Mobile phones weren't so commonplace. We all managed

scoobysnaxx · 08/05/2026 10:59

I really hope you give her what for OP. Away from the kids. Poor little mites. I wonder if she’ll even be excited to see them

Witchonenowbob · 08/05/2026 10:54

Thechaseison71 · 08/05/2026 10:23

But the op has already told the parent how they are. Why would the parent be asking for the same info again

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Because it shows interest and maybe to show appreciation and happiness that they’re all good?

How about ignoring the calls? Is that reasonable?

Thechaseison71 · 08/05/2026 10:23

ApricotTulip · 05/05/2026 13:43

I think it's a bit rude to not check how you are getting on looking after them too. Any issues etc

But the op has already told the parent how they are. Why would the parent be asking for the same info again

Witchonenowbob · 08/05/2026 10:21

Sliverfish · 08/05/2026 10:16

I completely disagree. If the children are with a trusted person and they are well and happy, there is absolutely no need for contact. That's what trust is about. No news is good news - that's a form of communication.

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I totally disagree, you still check, it’s common courtesy. You also do not ignore messages, that’s absolutely ignorant. Like your time is too precious to respond to someone giving up their time to look after your children.

You clearly have an out of sight out of mind attitude, which when it comes to your children is not acceptable.

Sliverfish · 08/05/2026 10:16

EnglishBrits · 08/05/2026 09:26

Absolutely not.

Being contacted by the person looking after your children is paramount. And should be done daily at least.

And the mum shouldn't ignore messages from the unpaid baby sitter

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I completely disagree. If the children are with a trusted person and they are well and happy, there is absolutely no need for contact. That's what trust is about. No news is good news - that's a form of communication.

EnglishBrits · 08/05/2026 09:26

Sliverfish · 08/05/2026 09:03

If the OP is asked to look after the children again, I think she should just change her perspective on all this. It's a chance for the children to have their own time away from their mum, and vice versa. If nothing bad happens (eg a child is injured, or is desperately missing mum) then simply have fun with the children within your family, with no mention of mum or attempt to contact mum. Tell mum in advance that you will only contact her if you really need to but that she's free to contact you. It's no big deal.

Absolutely not.

Being contacted by the person looking after your children is paramount. And should be done daily at least.

And the mum shouldn't ignore messages from the unpaid baby sitter

Sliverfish · 08/05/2026 09:03

If the OP is asked to look after the children again, I think she should just change her perspective on all this. It's a chance for the children to have their own time away from their mum, and vice versa. If nothing bad happens (eg a child is injured, or is desperately missing mum) then simply have fun with the children within your family, with no mention of mum or attempt to contact mum. Tell mum in advance that you will only contact her if you really need to but that she's free to contact you. It's no big deal.

nomas · 08/05/2026 07:42

Summernightsmummy · 07/05/2026 23:39

She’s only just got back now so I’ve said I will have her children overnight again tonight because they are already asleep!

Was the plan for you to look after them until a reasonable time yesterday? That’s poor if she’s returned very late. She should have been upfront that she needed you to have them until Friday.

nomas · 08/05/2026 07:37

echt · 07/05/2026 23:08

Yes you did. Read your post: no mention of the children asking to speak to their mother.
Don't know where you're getting the equivalence of the children being sick or unhappy as I have never said that, it not being part of the OP's post.

She has chosen not to respond to a wish for direct contact from her children.

Edited
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I didn’t mention the kids wanting to speak to their mum / wish her goodnight because it doesn’t necessarily mean the kids are sick or hurt or unhappy that their mum wasn’t speaking to them. If the kids were any of these things, the OP would havre said. It doesn’t mean I missed it.

Don't know where you're getting the equivalence of the children being sick or unhappy as I have never said that, it not being part of the OP's post.

Because you’re responding directly to my post which said ‘None of the OP’s messages to her have said that the children are sick or hurt or unhappy and the kids are with a trusted friend, so it’s not fair to say the mum doesn’t care about her kids.’

RampantIvy · 08/05/2026 06:39

Sartre · 08/05/2026 06:38

Guess she thinks you’ll call if something urgent happens? It is a bit weird, maybe she’s carried away in the moment and fun she’s having. She clearly trusts you.

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The OP did call - several times.

Sartre · 08/05/2026 06:38

Summernightsmummy · 05/05/2026 14:45

But how does she know they are ok if she doesn’t check how they are or read her messages from me?

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Guess she thinks you’ll call if something urgent happens? It is a bit weird, maybe she’s carried away in the moment and fun she’s having. She clearly trusts you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2026 04:40

Idk if you realised it would be this late. Did you manage to keep your composure with her?

aWeeCornishPastie · 07/05/2026 23:52

Wow OP she’s got back at this late time!! No wonder you said you would keep the kids again. What time was pick up meant to be ?

Original poster
Summernightsmummy · 07/05/2026 23:39

She’s only just got back now so I’ve said I will have her children overnight again tonight because they are already asleep!

OP posts:
echt · 07/05/2026 23:08

nomas · 06/05/2026 10:23

No, I didn’t. It’s natural that the kids want to speak to their mum / wish her goodnight but that’s not the same as the kids being hurt or sick or unhappy.

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Yes you did. Read your post: no mention of the children asking to speak to their mother.
Don't know where you're getting the equivalence of the children being sick or unhappy as I have never said that, it not being part of the OP's post.

She has chosen not to respond to a wish for direct contact from her children.

stillchasingdereksheppard · 07/05/2026 22:22

Very odd I think. I don't call and speak to my kids directly (when they're at their dad's) as it upsets them but I always check in once a day and make sure they're okay. Even though I know they are safe and with their other parent!
Bizzare not to check up at least occasionally

FunGirlMum · 07/05/2026 22:10

I find this very strange.
I couldn't go away and not check on my children.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 07/05/2026 22:04

It’s pretty shit parenting.

Witchonenowbob · 07/05/2026 21:52

EnglishBrits · 07/05/2026 21:48

Baby sitting isn't looking after them for three nights whilst mum and auntie get pissed up overseas.

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London isn’t overseas? I think you’ll find OP lives in the UK, she also knew where they were going and agreed.

However, the DM is a disgrace.

EnglishBrits · 07/05/2026 21:48

likelysuspect · 07/05/2026 20:55

Oh. As detailed as that eh?

How did you come to have the children in your care madam?

Well I agreed to babysit them until mum came back and she's coming back tomorrow

We'll leave you to it then madam.

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Baby sitting isn't looking after them for three nights whilst mum and auntie get pissed up overseas.

EnglishBrits · 07/05/2026 21:47

likelysuspect · 07/05/2026 20:55

Oh. As detailed as that eh?

How did you come to have the children in your care madam?

Well I agreed to babysit them until mum came back and she's coming back tomorrow

We'll leave you to it then madam.

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The mum asked me to take care of them for three nights. She's overseas and now not responding to my messages but posting on Facebook and what's app. I now no longer wish to care for them as mum has abandoned them.

Nushi21 · 07/05/2026 21:15

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 21:03

Very late tomorrow evening.

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Is he back OP? What has she said?

likelysuspect · 07/05/2026 20:55

EnglishBrits · 07/05/2026 19:24

The children aren't mine, take them away,

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Oh. As detailed as that eh?

How did you come to have the children in your care madam?

Well I agreed to babysit them until mum came back and she's coming back tomorrow

We'll leave you to it then madam.

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