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Original poster

AIBU to worry about my three-year-old spelling her name?

68 replies

Newbie1991 · 05/05/2026 13:06

My daughter is 3 turning in 4 in June. They said she quite advance in her speech which is great but today she said a teacher was mean to her.

She come from nursery school and said "Mrs X said mummy should spend more time at your spelling your name" and that the other kids are doing better than her.

I do fyi! But I don't want to force it especially as she's currently learning Welsh and English and also has glue ears in both ears (so I don't want to overpressure her)

I was wondering how common it was for a 3 year old to do this? We got a pencil grip to help and we are doing the dot dot name thing which she asked to use today and she had this comment.

Nothing been said to me? Not sure where to go. I don't want her to be disadvantage because of this.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2026 15:45

SarahAndQuack · 05/05/2026 13:52

(Btw I mention that possibility because at that age my DD came home from nursery absolutely steaming one day because she thought she'd been told to do the washing up at home. Turned out she was desperate to help her favourite nursery worker with it at nursery and they had a - very understandable! - rule against children being involved, so they'd said no, you could do it with mummy.

DD was not the least bit interested in doing washing-up with boring mummy and considered the well-meant suggestion a massive liberty. Grin)

🤣🤣🤣

insomniacalways · 05/05/2026 15:41

Mine couldn't write their name at 3 - they just need to recognise it. I still remember seeing some letter Princess Charlotte had writtten with perfect penmanship and losing my mind that my child was so far behind. Don't worry.

Tulipsriver · 05/05/2026 15:41

My 3 year old can't write his name yet and I'm not concerned in the slightest.

If she can recognise her name before reception and is practising pre-writing skills she will be fine.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2026 15:40

Namechange6578 · 05/05/2026 14:34

My DD is Felicity and she used to say her own name as Titty 🤣🤣

Like others have said, I'd guess kids with shorter names like Max and Seb for example, may have been able to write their names earlier!

Show quote history

It's not just the number of letters. I had a Suzy in my class who had great trouble orientating the letters correctly. 🤣

whywonthelisten · 05/05/2026 15:39

wecangoupupup · 05/05/2026 13:47

My three year old niece can write her name really well. Would you not rather this sort of thing was flagged up?

Why would you flag up the fact that she can't do things she is not expected to be able to do yet? Surely that would require a lot of flagging?

MasterBeth · 05/05/2026 15:39

Tryagain26 · 05/05/2026 13:43

Are you sure the nursery teacher said that?
If you are sure they did you need to make a formal complaint.
It is totally inappropriate.

Formal complaint?

You should start legal action and sue their ass!!

(Or you could just have a simple chat to clarify what, if anything, had been said...)

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2026 15:38

Newbie1991 · 05/05/2026 15:25

Thanks all!

Well we are practising now but in a kind way with stickers for rewards etc. I will be having a word tomorrow though not sure if it's cross wires or not but either way anything she needs improvement they should be telling me not her. I noticed it a few times.

I did do some research and it was a teaching assistant so not sure how qualified she is to say it but either way doesn't matter. She was upset and she compared her to some much older kids like 4/5 years as it's mixed class.

She has six letters in her name.

I would definitely have a word with the class teacher as the TA should not have said this.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2026 15:36

Tillow4ever · 05/05/2026 13:32

If a teacher/nursery leader actually said that I’d be shocked. I would speak to them myself and ask them to clarify what was said and what their expectation is.

This. I've taught in Reception and a school Nursery Class. I'm not even sure what they would mean by 'spelling' a name - do they mean writing it or saying the letters? A few, but not most, 3 year olds could have a go at writing their name but not know the letters.

Original poster
Newbie1991 · 05/05/2026 15:25

Thanks all!

Well we are practising now but in a kind way with stickers for rewards etc. I will be having a word tomorrow though not sure if it's cross wires or not but either way anything she needs improvement they should be telling me not her. I noticed it a few times.

I did do some research and it was a teaching assistant so not sure how qualified she is to say it but either way doesn't matter. She was upset and she compared her to some much older kids like 4/5 years as it's mixed class.

She has six letters in her name.

OP posts:
Denim4ever · 05/05/2026 15:18

Is this an actual teacher or a nursery worker? If it's the approach taken then she shoukd be on a disciplinary

BauhausOfEliott · 05/05/2026 15:15

I think it's a lot more likely that there are some other kids who can spell their names, your daughter has told her nursery teacher than she wants to be able to spell hers too, and the teacher has said something like 'Why not tell Mummy that you'd like to learn and then she can practise it with you' or something like that as a helpful suggestion for her, rather than suggesting that there's something wrong if a three-year-old can't spell their name and telling her she needs to practice with you as homework.

Either way, she isn't going to be at a disadvantage if she can't write/spell her name at three. Lots of children don't really start learning their letters at all until they start reception.

Scorchio84 · 05/05/2026 14:39

Mine's Tadhg @Namechange6578 yeah that's a good point

Namechange6578 · 05/05/2026 14:34

Scorchio84 · 05/05/2026 14:30

this totally

My son has an Irish name & it took him a while to spell it (there's a few variations) he could say it but it was a phonetic version 😄

Show quote history

My DD is Felicity and she used to say her own name as Titty 🤣🤣

Like others have said, I'd guess kids with shorter names like Max and Seb for example, may have been able to write their names earlier!

pouletvous · 05/05/2026 14:31

Hilarious 😂😂

Scorchio84 · 05/05/2026 14:30

Namechange6578 · 05/05/2026 13:28

Gosh my daughter had no idea how to spell her name at that age! She seemed to quickly pick it up once in reception. She couldn't even say her own name properly at three actually 😆

this totally

My son has an Irish name & it took him a while to spell it (there's a few variations) he could say it but it was a phonetic version 😄

TallulahBetty · 05/05/2026 14:30

looselegs · 05/05/2026 13:35

As long as she can recognise her name when she starts in reception, that's all you need to worry about!

Yeah, this. As long as they can recognise their name written down

WaltzingWaters · 05/05/2026 14:29

at both the last nursery parents evening and a very recent starting school meeting I’ve had, I was assured that there’s no need for
just turned 4yo to know his alphabet, how to write his name etc. and it’s best for them to figure it out through play rather than put any learning pressure on them at this stage. If they can recognise their name it’s great, so they know which peg etc is theirs when they start school. The rest they should pick up quickly once in reception.

StrictlyCoffee · 05/05/2026 14:28

wecangoupupup · 05/05/2026 13:47

My three year old niece can write her name really well. Would you not rather this sort of thing was flagged up?

Good for her. My son couldn’t and ended up a straight A student including in English and offered places at various RG universities! It’s almost like it doesn’t really matter, isn’t it?

StrictlyCoffee · 05/05/2026 14:26

She’s 3! Jesus, everyone needs to calm down

Excited101 · 05/05/2026 14:22

wecangoupupup · 05/05/2026 13:47

My three year old niece can write her name really well. Would you not rather this sort of thing was flagged up?

Nothing to do with being able to write at age 3 needs ‘flagging up’ its developmentally advanced rather than the norm/expected or an appropriate developmental milestone at that age. There is literally nothing to ‘flag’.

ScreentimeInTheMeantime · 05/05/2026 14:19

I’ve never tried getting my daughter to write out her name. She can do her first letter but that’s it. She’s nearly 4.

I don’t think they need to be able to write it et - it’s not a race.

We have just begun some reading flash cards at home but with basically no success (and I’m not sure it’s at all necessary tbh)

KeyLimeCake · 05/05/2026 14:10

wecangoupupup · 05/05/2026 13:47

My three year old niece can write her name really well. Would you not rather this sort of thing was flagged up?

I didn't even know if my 3 year old was left or right handed. He kept us guessing til Christmas of reception. He has lovely writing now!

I would definitely rather not have that sort of thing flagged up.

drivinmecrazy · 05/05/2026 13:59

Gosh! What has happened to childhood?
one of mine could write her name because it’s quite short and phonetic.
Her sister has a longer name and was still tracing her name at nursery.
she couldn’t even reliably label shapes beyond round, square and triangle at that age so it was bought up as a concern at nursery.
she’s now at uni studying history so hasn’t held her back, particularly as she was a late August baby.
they all find their way eventually, assuming they’re NT.
I don’t think I’d cope nowadays with the expectations put on our babies.

HobGobblynne · 05/05/2026 13:59

Depends what her name is - one of my DDs is called Ava. She could spell that at 3 but wouldn't say it was much of an achievement given the lack of variety of letters

Spookyspaghetti · 05/05/2026 13:53

YankSplaining · 05/05/2026 13:41

Teacher sounds out of line. If you want your daughter to learn to spell her name, though, set it to the tune of a song and she’ll pick it right up. (Like, if it’s “Eleanor,” you can sing it to the tune of “London Bridge Is Falling Down.” “E-L-E-A-N-O-R, Eleanor, Eleanor…”)

Brilliant 🤩