13 year old hamster/school

56 replies

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 07:29

My 13 year old has been hard work recently. I think hormones abd teenage years etc.
She will make a mountain out of a molehill all the time. Screaming crying and holding grudges which sometimes dont even make sense. These will last dor hours. The past few days have been really hard with her. Im spending so much time talking to her etc. Her attitude is awful too.
Yesterday her hamster died and she was devastated. We all spent hours holding the hamster. Talking about memories and burying hamster. Going to bed she was upset abd she said she didnt want to go to school (she hates school and any excuse not to go) but I felt sorry for her. But her attendance is 88% so not the best and I personally think staying off school for a hamster at 13 is maybe a bit indulgent.
She is saying she doesnt want to go this morning and taking so long getting ready. I dont think she will be ready in time. I feel bad for her so dont want to implement a consequence if she refuses to go. But what do I do?

OP posts:

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 07:42

I actually think a day off when your pet has died is perfectly acceptable. I’m a grown adult and closed my business for a day when our cat died as I couldn’t stop crying.

JohnWickAteMyHamster · 05/05/2026 07:38

Milly16 · 05/05/2026 07:31

Make her go. She needs to know school isnt optional.

I always think this is an interesting response - what does "make her go" look like? I had a school refusing daughter and people told me I should just "make her go" - but no one ever told me how 😏 I couldn't exactly pick her up and carry her to school!

OP it's a tricky one. At my daughter's school they are super strict on what counts as an authorised reason for absence and being sad wouldn't count (even though I think it's ok for your daughter to feel that level of sadness at the loss of a pet) so we'd be looking at an unauthorised absence.

In your shoes I would explain to my daughter that her sadness is valid but that school would still expect her to go in, and the consequences of low attendance (here it would be an attendance letter, potential referral to EWO) and maybe suggest something nice after school to look forward to.

But perhaps you just need "tough love" and just "make her go". I certainly got told that enough times about my own daughter.

Original poster

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 07:38

She has never liked school even primary school she just hates it. She gets good grades and has good behaviour at school great reports etc. Nothing really to fix. Ive tried my best to show her the positives of school but she just hates it.
I do feel bad fr her but I think for a hamster dying she doesnt need a day off. Shes come into me crying a few times. I feel like if I give in there will be more things in future and she won't learn she has to put on her big girl pants and it will be a distraction etc.
But then part of me feels really bad for her and like im being a mean mum.

OP posts:

Milly16 · 05/05/2026 07:35

I have two teenage girls so i understand the drama and constant talking and calming down etc. It's really really hard but yoi have to accept that sometimes you know what's best for them and you have to impose that even if they act like they hate you. As long as you're fair and kind with it they will get over it. It sounds like rhis is more about school than anything else so i would focus on trying ro solve the school.problems.

LimbOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheHoleTheHoleInTheGround · 05/05/2026 07:32

I would let her have the day off honestly.

Her pet died and she's upset.

Milly16 · 05/05/2026 07:31

Make her go. She needs to know school isnt optional.

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