13 year old hamster/school

Of course you can - as an adult you can call in sick if you don’t feel mentally capable of working (whether that’s because your hamster has died or because of something else). I know lots of colleagues over the years who have had days off for their pets deaths or illnesses 🤷‍♀️

You have some strange ideas about poor parenting.
She's a teenage girl, they are given to tears and dramas over the slightest things, that does not equate poor parenting. I've got 2 adult daughters so have some knowledge of it first hand.
OP gave her d emotional support, talked about the pet and d went to school.
Poor parenting would be a case of " It's only an animal, get over it, and get to fucking school or else."
Which camp are you in Cover Kids or teens yet?

I don’t understand why she can’t have time off for both if she’s upset. This mental hierarchy’s of what’s okay and not okay to grieve and take time off for is really odd.

You can use bereavement days on hamsters. Sadly they need to be saved for human beings.
I'd understand maybe if it was a dog that was older than her. But hamsters only live a couple of years and they absolutely hate being in captivity and being handled. Given the first opportunity they'd run away never to be seen again.

I hope you tell her she needs to go in.

What a bizarre comment.

This.
I only looked at this thread because I thought you had a 13 year old hamster. Ours only ever lived 2 or 3 years and this seems to be what happened here. I was upset when my hamster died when I was a child but life goes on.

If it starts with a day off here then it can escalate.

FFS let her have the day off. Some people are heartless. She will always remember this and if you fuck it up, she will hold it as a worse memory than it needs to be.

You sound lovely. I sympathise with your quandary of not knowing exactly how to deal with this. So hard to balance validating a teenager's (volatile) feelings and encouraging resilience. Sounds like you handled it well though. Not sure I would have been so patient🙂

I would be sympathetic to her feelings about the hamster and it isn’t wrong for her to feel this way, but it doesn’t sound like this is really about the hamster if her attendance is 88%. More like she is treating any sadness or problem as a reason to justify not going in and this needs tackling if she is to function in the adult world.

And I would even be making my 6 year old go to school after the loss of a hamster let alone a 13 year old. I’d be talking to her about how being with her friends and surrounded by things to take her mind off it will be better for her.

Well done OP it sounds like you handled it well.

Firstly why would uou place a cat above a hamster?? Its the death of a pet! Just because uou dont rate the hamster as significant enough , doesn't mean your daughter feels the same.
I know a woman whose DM died and her son was upset, but nit distraught. His hamster dued a couple of months later and he was inconsolable!

Secondly, as pp have suggested HOW do you make a teen go to school. As a foster carer we have had kids who have refused at times and sometimes it has really been a much needed mental health day, others not so.
I always wonder what parents are really able to do about it! Yes you can put in consequences but doesn't mean you can physically get them to go in.

The point of having a hamster is to learn about death and grief, they have a very short lifespan. Surely right from the moment you agreed she could have a hamster you talked to her about the fact that it would only be in her life for 2-3 years maximum and would then die and that's ok because the point is to have a happy life beforehand. Obviously yes she's sad, but being totally overwhelmed by this grief says more about poor parenting than anything else - if she didn't have the emotional resilience to cope with how fleeting the life of a hamster is, then you should never have agreed to her having such a pet in the first place.

Pretty outrageous to suggest OP isnt empathtic with her daughter based on her going to school.

Its not her choice. Make her go to school. DS will often have an excuse about why he can't go. I explain that we regularly have to do stuff when we are not fleeing 100%, then make him go.

I hope she has a good day - she'll probably be distracted once she's there. Much sympathy on the teen emotional rollercoaster!

Okay, and? My cat died when she was six, another when he was two - I was equally devastated both times and wouldn’t have been able to work the following day.

I see she’s gone to school but a bit of empathy wouldn’t have gone amiss. She’s a kid and has just lost her pet - a day at home to feel sad and cry really wouldn’t have been the end of the world.

Why?

She needs to go to school. You can be sympathetic to her being upset and clear that she needs to go to school at the same time. Stop worrying about being mean and start thinking more about being the leader that she needs. She will love you either way.

I would let her stay off today.
School isn’t for everyone. The children who hate school flourish in their lives too when they find their passion.
It’s not the be all and end all.