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AIBU?

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Original poster

13 year old hamster/school

56 replies

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 07:29

My 13 year old has been hard work recently. I think hormones abd teenage years etc.
She will make a mountain out of a molehill all the time. Screaming crying and holding grudges which sometimes dont even make sense. These will last dor hours. The past few days have been really hard with her. Im spending so much time talking to her etc. Her attitude is awful too.
Yesterday her hamster died and she was devastated. We all spent hours holding the hamster. Talking about memories and burying hamster. Going to bed she was upset abd she said she didnt want to go to school (she hates school and any excuse not to go) but I felt sorry for her. But her attendance is 88% so not the best and I personally think staying off school for a hamster at 13 is maybe a bit indulgent.
She is saying she doesnt want to go this morning and taking so long getting ready. I dont think she will be ready in time. I feel bad for her so dont want to implement a consequence if she refuses to go. But what do I do?

OP posts:
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Theresalittlebitofwitchinyou · 05/05/2026 16:16

Im glad she went in reasonably happily but please don’t dismiss it as just a hamster or because it only lives 2 years it’s somehow not a pet she could get attached to. I’m a grown adult and we’ve had dogs and cats all of whom I have loved deeply and obviously some more than others but I have a rabbit (well actually he’s a hare but don’t even ask!) right now who is literally my favourite living thing. My family are well aware of this and love him too but he’s my third child. He’s 3 now and people have started doing the ooh he might not live longer than 4 or 5 thing and honestly it breaks my heart even thinking about it. DH has resigned himself to never being the love of my life now.
All deaths might not be equal but maybe this hamster was a confidante and connection for Dd that was special.

PolkaDotPorridge · 05/05/2026 15:29

So people lacking in empathy! There are some parents on here who in a few years will wonder why they have a difficult relationship with their adult children.

SueKeeper · 05/05/2026 13:33

How would a day off possibly help, you've done all the talking and funeral stuff. Distraction is better for her "grief" than turning it into a bigger deal.

It didn't occur to me to give DCs 5&7 a day off after the dog died. Yes everyone was upset, but staying at home looking at an empty basket would not actually help them, whereas seeing life goes on (with lovely teachers warned they were feeling fragile) was better for them.

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 13:23

Shes had a cat dye before in really traumatic circumstance. (Car knocked it over but it came hobbling back then died in front of us. It was awful) she didnt even ask for a day off. She was around 9 or 10 then.

OP posts:
ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 05/05/2026 13:19

Death of a hamster is a good reason to have incomplete homework if the evening was taken up by the discovery and burial, but it's not a reason for a day off school. I'd say MAYBE the death of a cat or dog, which is altogether a different type of pet, might warrant a day off, more likely a half day.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/05/2026 13:17

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 13:08

I too have had different pets throughout the years. It was different for me. Agree to disagree. Still very sad but definitely more devastating for me when a cat youve had for 20 years dies. Vs a hamster youve had for 2 and a half and who was very old and clearly slowing down. Died in their sleep etc. I wouldnt say all deaths are equal but thats just me

I agree with you to some extent, but your 13 year old hasn’t had her cat die after 20 years, your 14 year old dog hasn’t died yet either. Has she actually experienced a significantly ‘worse’ pet death to compare the loss to? How many of her pets have died before?

DiscoBeat · 05/05/2026 13:09

LimbOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheHoleTheHoleInTheGround · 05/05/2026 07:32

I would let her have the day off honestly.

Her pet died and she's upset.

I would too

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 13:08

I too have had different pets throughout the years. It was different for me. Agree to disagree. Still very sad but definitely more devastating for me when a cat youve had for 20 years dies. Vs a hamster youve had for 2 and a half and who was very old and clearly slowing down. Died in their sleep etc. I wouldnt say all deaths are equal but thats just me

OP posts:
Sproutling · 05/05/2026 12:24

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 07:45

I feel like a cat is a bit different to a hamster

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It really, really isnt. I've had dogs, cats, rabbits and hamsters - I've been devastated (and continue to be )when any of them die. A loss is a loss. You cant diminish someone's grief because the life lost is small to you.

Terabithia26 · 05/05/2026 12:13

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 07:45

I feel like a cat is a bit different to a hamster

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Not necessarily to a kid who's lost their beloved pet. One day off won't do any harm, especially at 13 she might be worried about crying at school and getting picked on for it.

Rubyupbeat · 05/05/2026 12:11

What about a couple of capybara next, they have a longer lifespan, mind you you will have to turn your whole garden into an enclosure, with a swimming pool for them and get a licence 🤣🤣

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/05/2026 12:10

Rubyupbeat · 05/05/2026 12:07

To a child a hamster is just as important as a cat. I remember being so upset when hamsters died. I really loved them.
Please let her have a day or so of grieving in her own home.

shes already at school, it’s lunch time

Rubyupbeat · 05/05/2026 12:07

To a child a hamster is just as important as a cat. I remember being so upset when hamsters died. I really loved them.
Please let her have a day or so of grieving in her own home.

Aliceinmunsnetland · 05/05/2026 11:52

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 11:45

No, we’re just continuing the discussion anyway.

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Which is fair enough. But some are rehashing the same old thing as usual. At least they aren't chewing the OP now. She did a nice thing for her d and supporting her.

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 11:45

Aliceinmunsnetland · 05/05/2026 11:40

OP I think some posters are missing the point your d went into school after all and she is getting on with her day.

No, we’re just continuing the discussion anyway.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 05/05/2026 11:43

What about something that lives a bit longer?
Guinea pigs? Some mners have fab set - ups I have seen!

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 11:42

BillieWiper · 05/05/2026 11:32

Hamsters? I doubt it.

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You can doubt whatever you like.

Aliceinmunsnetland · 05/05/2026 11:40

OP I think some posters are missing the point your d went into school after all and she is getting on with her day.

BillieWiper · 05/05/2026 11:32

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 09:56

Of course you can - as an adult you can call in sick if you don’t feel mentally capable of working (whether that’s because your hamster has died or because of something else). I know lots of colleagues over the years who have had days off for their pets deaths or illnesses 🤷‍♀️

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Hamsters? I doubt it.

sunflowersandsunsets · 05/05/2026 11:30

sesquipedalian · 05/05/2026 11:03

I am frankly astonished at the number of PP on this thread who would give their child a day off for the death of a hamster. No wonder our PISA scores are going downhill if so many parents choose to consider school optional, and allow their children to understand that the slightest setback in life necessitates a day off. Education is important, as is attendance, and you’re not doing your DC any favours if they think it’s optional.

Don’t be ridiculous. Allowing a child a day off to grieve a beloved pet does not mean you think school is optional.

sesquipedalian · 05/05/2026 11:03

I am frankly astonished at the number of PP on this thread who would give their child a day off for the death of a hamster. No wonder our PISA scores are going downhill if so many parents choose to consider school optional, and allow their children to understand that the slightest setback in life necessitates a day off. Education is important, as is attendance, and you’re not doing your DC any favours if they think it’s optional.

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 10:56

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/05/2026 10:45

I’m glad she went in. Can she not look forward to getting a new hamster or is that not possible?

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I wouldnt mind her getting a new one. Im just worried it won't be as lovely as this one was. Think we were very lucky with this hamster. Ive not mentioned it to her as its still so fresh. If she brings it up and asks then will speak to her dad and make sure everyone ok with it but I wouldnt have a problem.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/05/2026 10:45

Chickencuddle · 05/05/2026 09:50

I have to admit it was a lovely hamster. It loved being handled. Would feed from her hands. But we have an elderly dog who is 14 and half and I was thinking she may need to take a day off for him in the near future. That will be devastating. It is different to a hamster. Hamster is still very sad. But different.

I’m glad she went in. Can she not look forward to getting a new hamster or is that not possible?

PolkaDotPorridge · 05/05/2026 10:36

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/05/2026 09:32

If it starts with a day off here then it can escalate.

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Oh give over. This is a big deal to anyone let alone a young girl.

TimeDoesntStandStill · 05/05/2026 10:03

I think give the day off school.