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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For asking my partner not to sleep naked

479 replies

Em111110 · 04/05/2026 23:21

For some reason, my partner of 13 years has recently started sleeping naked. By recent, I mean the last few weeks. He says it is freeing and he sleeps better naked. There are occasions where we have fallen asleep naked in the past but we mostly wear pjs or at least underwear. The main reason is we have an 11 year old daughter, but I am also a bit of a clean freak and he is a typical sweaty farty man and it it gives me the ick sleeping naked in our sheets. My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked or kicks the sheets off so everything is on show. He says I am controlling for asking him to wear at least underwear to bed but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be naked when we have a nearly teenage daughter. AIBU?

OP posts:
MsJinks · 11/05/2026 18:38

Harry12345 · 10/05/2026 23:29

I don’t think it’s weird to not want your partners penis rubbing off your bum without consent. It might be nice for you but is a couple has been through a dry spell or a tough patch I don’t think it’s appropriate to do it if you have never done it before, I would find it weird.

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So I was thinking this may not be nice if you’re none too friendly - I then realised that in boxers or pjs it would also be none too nice, if you’re not too friendly, so no difference.

So, I’ll maintain my position of everyone being able to wear, or not wear, what they choose in their own bed.

The comments on here continue to be hilarious!

Additup · 11/05/2026 18:30

FlipFlopVibe · 08/05/2026 07:10

Pretty much yes, it’s not every night! We have sheets top and bottom rather than just a duvet so it doesn’t feel too much work not having to battle a duvet each time

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So you wash your bedding multiple times each week? 🤯

BauhausOfEliott · 11/05/2026 16:34

Harry12345 · 10/05/2026 23:29

I don’t think it’s weird to not want your partners penis rubbing off your bum without consent. It might be nice for you but is a couple has been through a dry spell or a tough patch I don’t think it’s appropriate to do it if you have never done it before, I would find it weird.

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I really struggle to understand this mindset where someone's own partner's penis is somehow gross or terrifying in any context other than sex. I cuddle my partner naked all the time in a non-sexual context - in bed or when one of us has just got out of the shower or is getting changed or whatever. I don't think 'OH NO HIS PENIS MADE BRIEF CONTACT, EWWWW! because it's just another part of his body with which I'm already well-acquainted. Sometimes it's sexual, sometimes it's not.

It was genuinely only when I started looking at Mumsnet that I encountered this extreme penis-horror. I don't know any women in real life who have this attitude at all.

WhatMyNameis · 11/05/2026 08:35

UncannyFanny · 10/05/2026 19:59

Tell me you’re single without telling me you’re single…

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Oh this got me my first lol of the day, thank you!

I’ve been with the same bloke since I was 14, I’m 50 now 🤣🤣🤣

We’d come in FROM THE CLUB at 4am and still shower.

We like to be clean in bed. In all of our home. We even - gasp - take our shoes off at the front door! 🤷‍♀️

Harry12345 · 10/05/2026 23:29

Musicaltheatremum · 10/05/2026 18:03

Exactly. My husband rolls over to spoons me in the morning with nothing on my nor his bottom half. It's really cosy and not horrible at all. People are weird.

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I don’t think it’s weird to not want your partners penis rubbing off your bum without consent. It might be nice for you but is a couple has been through a dry spell or a tough patch I don’t think it’s appropriate to do it if you have never done it before, I would find it weird.

UncannyFanny · 10/05/2026 19:59

WhatMyNameis · 08/05/2026 21:22

There's your problem. Make him shower before bed. I couldn't have him in bed with me after a shift even WITH pyjamas on!

Tell me you’re single without telling me you’re single…

UncannyFanny · 10/05/2026 19:58

Musicaltheatremum · 10/05/2026 18:03

Exactly. My husband rolls over to spoons me in the morning with nothing on my nor his bottom half. It's really cosy and not horrible at all. People are weird.

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They’re all nuns or virgins on here don’t forget.

UncannyFanny · 10/05/2026 19:56

Em111110 · 08/05/2026 21:11

Didn’t expect to get so many replies on this wow! I have asked him to wear his dressing gown or at least pants when he leaves the room and he agrees that is fair. For those asking about hygiene, my main issue is he works shifts and gets in at 3 30am so isn’t showering before bed. Would you like to be awoken with someone’s sweaty unwashed genitals prodding you in the back? Interesting that some of you are unpicking why he has randomly started doing it. We have been going through a bit of a rough spot and a “dry spell” and I don’t know if that’s why. It has had the opposite effect though! I like his body, that’s not the issue. I guess I will just have to stick to my own side, ensure my daughter knocks before entering and hope he sticks to covering up when he goes to the loo!

Lots of people work shifts and go straight to bed. You make it sound like he’s coming home filthy. The only hygiene issue here sounds like your anxiety about cleanliness. What sort of job are we talking here? I’m guessing not one as grimy as you’re making it sound?

Musicaltheatremum · 10/05/2026 18:03

GingerdeadMan · 09/05/2026 15:54

"Would you like to be awoken with someone’s sweaty unwashed genitals prodding you in the back?"

Well no, not if they were a rando! But this is your husband! Do you really find the poor man that disgusting? And unless he has a sweat problem or does serious manual labour or is allergic to deodorant he shouldn't be that sweaty after less than 24 hours since his last shower - cant he just shower in the morning? 🤷‍♀️

Edited

Exactly. My husband rolls over to spoons me in the morning with nothing on my nor his bottom half. It's really cosy and not horrible at all. People are weird.

Thechaseison71 · 09/05/2026 16:26

Em111110 · 08/05/2026 21:11

Didn’t expect to get so many replies on this wow! I have asked him to wear his dressing gown or at least pants when he leaves the room and he agrees that is fair. For those asking about hygiene, my main issue is he works shifts and gets in at 3 30am so isn’t showering before bed. Would you like to be awoken with someone’s sweaty unwashed genitals prodding you in the back? Interesting that some of you are unpicking why he has randomly started doing it. We have been going through a bit of a rough spot and a “dry spell” and I don’t know if that’s why. It has had the opposite effect though! I like his body, that’s not the issue. I guess I will just have to stick to my own side, ensure my daughter knocks before entering and hope he sticks to covering up when he goes to the loo!

Why would your daughter be entering the bedroom?

GingerdeadMan · 09/05/2026 15:54

"Would you like to be awoken with someone’s sweaty unwashed genitals prodding you in the back?"

Well no, not if they were a rando! But this is your husband! Do you really find the poor man that disgusting? And unless he has a sweat problem or does serious manual labour or is allergic to deodorant he shouldn't be that sweaty after less than 24 hours since his last shower - cant he just shower in the morning? 🤷‍♀️

WhatMyNameis · 08/05/2026 21:22

There's your problem. Make him shower before bed. I couldn't have him in bed with me after a shift even WITH pyjamas on!

Original poster
Em111110 · 08/05/2026 21:11

Didn’t expect to get so many replies on this wow! I have asked him to wear his dressing gown or at least pants when he leaves the room and he agrees that is fair. For those asking about hygiene, my main issue is he works shifts and gets in at 3 30am so isn’t showering before bed. Would you like to be awoken with someone’s sweaty unwashed genitals prodding you in the back? Interesting that some of you are unpicking why he has randomly started doing it. We have been going through a bit of a rough spot and a “dry spell” and I don’t know if that’s why. It has had the opposite effect though! I like his body, that’s not the issue. I guess I will just have to stick to my own side, ensure my daughter knocks before entering and hope he sticks to covering up when he goes to the loo!

OP posts:
Daisyhon · 08/05/2026 18:37

Cherrytree86 · 08/05/2026 15:57

@Daisyhon

I would divorce my husband if he left skid marks on the bed sheets. I would have to, I’d never want to have sex with him again

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I’m in agreement, hence why I prefer to be safe than sorry & I just don’t like the idea of a bare bottom & pubes on the sheets 😂 .

Cherrytree86 · 08/05/2026 15:57

Daisyhon · 08/05/2026 14:46

My partner is an avid gym member & looks fantastic with nothing on however , I’m in agreement , I think it’s more hygienic for him to wear loose cotton boxers .Prefer not to have accidental skid marks n curly hairs on the sheets 😂 He definitely should be covering up if going for a pee during the night in case your daughter is up ( unless u have an en-suite )

@Daisyhon

I would divorce my husband if he left skid marks on the bed sheets. I would have to, I’d never want to have sex with him again

ConstanzeMozart · 08/05/2026 15:48

My DP sleeps naked, and I used to, and in nearly 30 years we've never had skid marks on our sheets. Do people's partners all have bowel issues or something?
And who the fuck cares if there's the odd pube in your own bed?! Confused (not that I can say I've come across one of those either).

Daisyhon · 08/05/2026 14:46

My partner is an avid gym member & looks fantastic with nothing on however , I’m in agreement , I think it’s more hygienic for him to wear loose cotton boxers .Prefer not to have accidental skid marks n curly hairs on the sheets 😂 He definitely should be covering up if going for a pee during the night in case your daughter is up ( unless u have an en-suite )

GingerdeadMan · 08/05/2026 08:41

All this laundry (and constant showering) is not good for the environment. Its a very first world preference.

MsJinks · 08/05/2026 08:19

SwingTheMonkey · 08/05/2026 07:32

Wow! This thread has definitely been an eye opener!

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I know right! In so many, many ways!

SwingTheMonkey · 08/05/2026 07:32

FlipFlopVibe · 08/05/2026 07:10

Pretty much yes, it’s not every night! We have sheets top and bottom rather than just a duvet so it doesn’t feel too much work not having to battle a duvet each time

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Wow! This thread has definitely been an eye opener!

FlipFlopVibe · 08/05/2026 07:10

SwingTheMonkey · 08/05/2026 07:07

Do you really wash your bedding every time you have sex?!

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Pretty much yes, it’s not every night! We have sheets top and bottom rather than just a duvet so it doesn’t feel too much work not having to battle a duvet each time

SwingTheMonkey · 08/05/2026 07:07

FlipFlopVibe · 07/05/2026 23:12

I can’t imagine undressing to get in bed. It feels so odd to me just stripping off. All draughty and exposed. I sleep in vest and shorts all year round, DH in boxers. I’d have to wash the bedding every day if we did.
I agree OP turning over and get an arse crack isn’t pleasant. I think you can politely ask if he wouldn’t mind putting underneath on

Do you really wash your bedding every time you have sex?!

FlipFlopVibe · 07/05/2026 23:12

I can’t imagine undressing to get in bed. It feels so odd to me just stripping off. All draughty and exposed. I sleep in vest and shorts all year round, DH in boxers. I’d have to wash the bedding every day if we did.
I agree OP turning over and get an arse crack isn’t pleasant. I think you can politely ask if he wouldn’t mind putting underneath on

SEAHORSESROCK2 · 07/05/2026 17:05

Error404FucksNotFound · 04/05/2026 23:24

He could at least keep a dressing gown on a hook on the bedroom door so he isnt freely swinging his giblets round the house at night for a start.

I almost cried laughing at that. Thank you xx

Myli1 · 07/05/2026 16:49

sugarpiebunnyhunch · 07/05/2026 14:34

I think it's more nuanced than that. I think that although it's healthy to teach kids that nudity is nothing shameful, they also need to be taught that private parts are private. And although I take your point about distorted images, I have to say I genuinely struggle to see how this lesson (re private parts, I mean) can be taught to kids if they habitually see family members naked. It just feels counter-intuitive.

Besides which, you can't predict a child's personality. My parents probably had every intention of continuing to be naked around the house and thought that would mean I was comfortable doing the same - I was never given any messages whatsoever about it being shameful or wrong, in fact they thought it was hilarious that I didn't like it - but I simply didn't, and resented having my feelings about it invalidated and being called a prude. Surely that's just as valid a sentiment for a child to have as feeling they are comfortable with family nudity?

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Yes fair points. I grew up in a similar environment where my parents were very relaxed about nudity. They didn’t often routinely wander around the house naked but conversely they wouldn’t rush to cover themselves when getting up in the morning or when coming from the bathroom etc. I suppose I carried that ethos on with my own family, and the lesson about keeping privates private only applied outside the confines of the house or outside the circle of trusted family. These days DP and I are fair weather naturists (only when temperature and situation allow - generally away on holiday), but I wouldn’t coerce my kids into that if they weren’t comfortable.