I’m not happy in life

I’m just wondering whether you have people around you that are affected by your unhappiness @alspancakeworld

I can understand the news is always grim, bad news sells but as a poster upstream said, there’s plenty of people quietly doing kind, joyful acts. There have always been bastards in the world, ever since we were in caves. Often the ones that climb to the top of the pile are the worst of us but to put it bluntly, we’re animals, albeit clever ones, and we do bad shit to each other. Always will. We will also nurse, nurture and love each other. Focus more on the good bits.

You have the ability to spread a tiny bit if happiness in the world today. Take a break from all the news (that’s what I’ve done) and start looking for the happiness and good bits in your everyday life. Smile as much as you can today without looking like a lunatic. That’s the big one - smile and spread some joy.

Even if it's not intentionally performative, the fact is the OP and, I suggest, most of us on MN are privileged compared to people in war torn countries, or where there is illness and famine,

we get to sleep in a bed, and can walk out of our houses, get into our cars or on the bus and find a supermarket with food and water on the shelves, at close reach.

that's privilege. I see not point in hand wringing at this time of global threat and turmoil, time to be thankful in a constructive way, with volunteering and just generally being pleasant to people around us. That's empowering.

i heard a great maxim the other day:

The more privileged we are, the nicer we should be.

I believe it’s inherently wrong to ignore for my own happiness

Interesting. It sounds like you are doing a lot within your community to help people so I am wondering why you feel that its wrong for you to ever feel happiness.

Were you taught that growing up? - what was your childhood script around this issue- you'll find insight there

Sounds like you need to find a sadist to make your life a living hell. That should cheer you up a bit. 😉😁.

Humans are very good at not thinking too much about tho gs which cause mental discomfort. It's how we can eat hamburgers, while simultaneously thinking that cows are cute!
This ability helps us to survive and stops us from becoming crushed with stress or frozen into paralysis. It's necessary.

Well it may be you have no problems in your life. If it feels so strong be proactive and do something meaningful to help. I find that most people are inundated by problems and have not time to even know what is happening to others.

I was like this briefly after dd was born (pnd).

Any bad news story, especially about children, would have me ruminating for weeks and crying. I couldn't understand how everyone else could be normal about it.

Thankfully my mental health improved. You are not responsible for, or in any way capable of stopping the evils people do.

What you are in charge of is the quiet good you can do for those around you. Protect loved ones and try to make them happy, help strangers if they have fallen on the street in front of you, make the world a better place for your small bubble. Try to practice kindness and understanding.

Because that is what you wish others did.

@alspancakeworldthere is nothing new under the sun. There has always been wars and been famines and been greed. You didn’t start it. You can’t end it. But YOU can make a difference and help in your area of influence. People choosing not to dwell on it - is frankly out of your control. Nothing you can do will change that. So please influence where you can and Enjoy your life as you can. I’m speaking as someone who lives in West Africa with all the Boko Haram kidnappings

1 more happy person in the world is a good thing so try and find ways of staying positive ( it isn't easy i know).
Start baking, hiking, painting...whatever floats your boat.

How does your breast beating sadness help ANYONE? How?

If you can do some things to help others (which you are) then that's wonderful

But constantly creating performative deep depression and sadness for people who you can't help .... is literally useless and simply performative

Sad and bad things happen.

I can't do anything about it so I'm not going to waste my time alive being miserable.

We might be next in line for something terrible, if that makes you feel better? And that's even more reason to enjoy yourself while you still can.

How many people will wake up today and take great care of somebody who is vulnerable, or nurture a growing mind, or run towards danger to save people who are weaker, or stop to help a stranger, who will be warm with the people around them and brighten their day, who will fall in love, who will be brave and will step into the uncomfortable to honour their principles, or bring new life into the world, or break their hearts as they say goodbye to somebody who they love?

The meat of goodness is done quietly. There's no news for humdrum acts of love and kindness. You won't see it in the rolling coverage of doom. If you insist on absorbing this pain so you can assure yourself that you have seen it, then you could rationalise that you must, at least, start to see the good too.

You have no right to be happy at all. Move to a place where you're continually oppressed so you feel solidarity with your peers.

Yes, what's going on in the world is depressing. I agree.

Think to yourself. You can't have many worries in the life you're living in the here and now. Not if you're worrying so much about all what's going on elsewhere.

A lot of us haven't the emotional space to spend so much energy on other things that are so far outside of our control, we have our own issues. We can still let off steam and go out socialising and enjoy things. But it doesn't mean we don't care about what else is going on in the world.

OP @alspancakeworld Can you let us know the time when there was nothing horrible going on involving other people in the world and people would've therefore been given permission by you to be happy with their everyday lives?

You can either sit and make a big show of how distressed you are by others' situations or you can do something about it.

Either get promoted, do a "big job" that earns lots and pays lots of tax into the NHS, or fund raise for cancer research or set up a youth club in your nearest under-priviledged estate or take a year out and volunteer for Oxfam.

Just telling everyone how distressed and horrified you are, is no flippin' use to anyone. You're just making noise.

Being cheerful while you do something useful will help most of all.

I get you, I feel pain too. However, you can't let it take over your life. What good is that going to do?
Turn off the news, do things for you whilst simultaneously doing things to try and help others to make a difference.
Volunteer at a local shop, a soup kitchen, donate occasionally to the food bank.,..

Realistically you can’t change things. Especially if you’re not in government or have any kind of celeb voice.

Stop watching the news for a bit and focus on your own life.

If i go to a dinner with mates and don’t seem miserable because of wars etc, it’s because i have enough shit to deal with in my own life and would like a nice dinner and chat as a break for my own mental health.

People work and have costs and kids and health matters to worry about. Which is enough.

Also, it is perfectly acceptable to enjoy your life. No one is going to give you a medal for all this consideration and worrying. You only get one life, so do your best to enjoy it.

Dubbo what else can be done

You can do your bit to help where you can - but the world isn't going to change 😔

@mumofoneAloneandwell there might be something to that (an indicator of depression) but do you not think it sounds mad to just accept that the world is full of terrible things!

Kindly, when you start thinking like this, its a huge indicator of depression

Awful things is the way of the world and has been since the dawn of time. You need to work out how to exist in this world without letting its awfulness define your life 🥺 xx

I think that some CBT, talking therapy or even some self help books might help you hear.

The things you talk about are mostly out of your control, you can’t individually do much to change that, its great that you have that empathy but you have to be able to separate it in your mind. When you go out with your friends you should be able to feel gratitude/that you are lucky to be able to do that. It is a problem if you can’t do that.

You don't have to ignore it, you need to deal with it in a balanced way. Not easy, for sure, especially when so many bad things seem to be happening at the moment.
It's lovely to be empathetic and I wish there were more like you, I daresay if there were we'd not have so many bad things happening in the first place.

But as harsh as it is, you need to find a way of accepting you cannot change things, esp on your own, these things are bigger than you. Great you've joined groups but you still need to accept that most things will occur regardless and accept that it's also ok to go out and have a drink with friends. It's called living and being grateful that you're able too. After all, you being miserable at home and not living your own life along side achieves what?