I’m not happy in life

I find this topic interesting, and slightly odd. I've seen it on MN before. People get really quite angry with OPs for being distressed or worried about world events. "You can't do anything about it so no point worrying" isn't what you'd say to someone who has learned a friend or family member is ill. And people seem to. be allowed to be sad about specific news events - a murder (especially of children), a celeb dying. But in relation to anything big and/or far away, it's like a mantra. It's almost like people are angry at the OP for being sad and anxious about world events because they themselves are able to compartmentalise and don't like being reminded.

I don't know what the answer is OP. I try to remind myself progress isn't linear, we can still hope for a better world. And that people can and do thrive in difficult times. People fall in love, have children, produce great art, without necessarily denying the awful things going on around- can you channel some of your feelings into something creative?

Because your nervous system cannot handle the world's pain. You can acknowledge it, cry etc which is healthy but you have no way to do anything about it and you're not meant to. You must focus on what you can do, for yourself, family, friends and community.

Don’t read/watch/listen to the news

Because you live in a community and a society. If you are miserable and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, how does that allow other people around you to enjoy their lives? And if no one enjoys their life, what impetus is there to fight for those things we love and enjoy?

We need hope to make change for the better, and if everyone feels completely ground down and helpless in a world which is unceasingly grim and broken (hem hem this is why news and social media is the way it is hem hem), no one is able to come together, vote, dream bigger, stand up against powerful forces that would control our lives and make them worse. We need to be able to feel joy so we can hope for better.

Wallowing in misery might feel morally less repugnant, but it doesn't actually improve anything. Throughout history, even in the most grim situations, people tried to find pleasure - singing, laughing, sharing meals. Who are we, in our extremely privileged lives, to shrug off the joys they may have longed for, just because there still exists suffering in the world?

It sounds like you're making a choice to read the news, not try to change your thinking, not challenge your negative thoughts etc etc. And that's okay if it's what you want. There's no law that says happiness is everyone's goal.

I can identify with your way of thinking as I get like that when my depression is bad. The world is shit, how can i be happy when there is child abuse, animal abuse, the world is so unfair etc. Could depression maybe be a factor? when im happy i dont want to ignore everything but I want to work on my happiness and my own tiny part of the world because its all I have control over.

I used to be very much like you, it caused anxiety and for me not to be present in my life. I stopped consuming so much news, I'm still aware of what's happening in the news and I can rationalise it now, over consumption of bad news does this to you.

You can't control what is happening in the news/world - bad stuff happens, and all we can do is try and make a small bit of difference where we can. Like a pp said, community work, advocating for women's rights. You cannot take the weight of the world, it isn't sustainable or healthy. Be grateful you aren't significantly impacted by that and use your privilege for good.

Don’t watch or read news. You can guarantee that at any one time, bad things are happening. But you can also guarantee that lots of good things are happening too. Be part of the good things. So do nice things for your immediate neighbourhood, make people happy in the ways that are within your own power. Be the change you want, in small ways. It’s not big and glamorous, but you will never run out of things to improve. Weed a friend’s garden, make some food for a busy new parent, let another child come and play with yours, volunteer for a local charity, and most of all, be kind to yourself.

This is lovely, thank you

Is your friend hinting that you're getting too hard for her to be around?

You aren't solving the problems. You acknowledge it makes you unhappy. Are you passing that on?

Our capacity to gain knowledge has long since exceeded our capacity to influence change. We’re able to know more now than we ever could, and yet there’s not a huge amount we can do to impact it. Yes, we can use our words and our money to influence change, but both of those things are finite. We can choose our language carefully. We can challenge stereotypes. We can’t use our votes. But war and famine? I struggle to see how even collectively we can shift the balance away from where the £££££££ and the power lie. And for this reason, I do limit how much of the news I choose to absorb. Privileged? Yes. But martyrdom is futile

You must know that this is an unhelpful mindset for you or for anyone else. Try to fix it, or continue to bathe in your misery.
You will lose friends if you can’t get some perspective here.

The world has been full of terrible things since the year dot. The Middle East is never not in conflict. As bad as the world is I made the decision a couple of year’s ago to stop watching or reading the news. I was in danger of going down a similar route as OP, as I was very affected by the awful things that go on. I made the decision one day when, after a news break, i decided to open an online news site and the first thing that greeted me was horrific. I closed the site and decided there and then never to look at the news again. Things can trickle down to me via a headline at the supermarket but I don't read it. I can’t change any of the things that were causing me distress so for my own sanity I stopped reading it.

It is performative, regardless of whether her audience is anonymous or not. And her reference to what her friend says about her ‘taking on other people’s pain’ suggests she’s doing it in RL too. And, more importantly, it’s pointless self-torment unless she channels it into action.

OP remember that if you keep yourself mentally healthy you will have more capacity to help those around you. You need to find some balance and I don't think it's unusual to have periods where you are overwhelmed with how awful things are or particular things that upset you but it's not healthy to live like that constantly. Taking on unnecessary suffering won't make things better for anyone.

If you feel like that , match what you spend on enjoying yourself by donating the money to a charity that works in those areas .

But you’re not happy because of other people’s pain and suffering, not your own and I don’t think that’s normal tbh. It’s ok to feel sad about the state of the world and reflect on that, help out where possible even (soup kitchens, food banks, charities etc) but going around feeling depressed about it day to day won’t help anyone.

You may be feeling bad because simply feeling bad is not working. Do something that has a tangible result for alleviating/preventing suffering.

Give money, enough to be painful

Be a good role model

Be the person who steps up when there is something going on in the street and someone needs help, because no man is going to do it.

Switch off the news.

It is called balance. Bad things happen and good things happen. Do you appreciate the good things as well as commiserate with the bad things?

The truth is that human beings are flawed but we have also done the most amazing things.

Looking at life abstractly it is clear that we still do not understand why we even exist.

I live a good life in order to achieve balance. I appreciate the good in life because there are
many lovely, wonderful, caring, benevolent people, acts and situations that take place every minute of every day.

Have a lovely day x

OP, if you are taking various actions consistent with your beliefs then you can do no more for the time being.

Outside of the news, ther world is full of beauty and magic and every day small kindnesses. I’d say just try to keep a balance. All through history there has been violence, cruelty and injustice but things can shift and they have in the past.

If I feel down I take heart from those changes for the better that have taken place in history and the courage of those involved.

Life is short and those friends in front of you are a good thing right now that should be enjoyed and celebrated.

Maybe it’s just empathy and sensitivity?

I get where you are coming from OP. I am still haunted by an article on Animal Testing I saw recently - to the point I spent most of that day sobbing (privately - nothing performative about it!), couldnt concentrate on work and the images taken undercover of the poor monkeys being pinned down by its limbs looking utterly terrified haunt me as I try to fall asleep.

I know that me being affected this bad doesnt stop it happening, but that argument doesnt really stack up when your next thought it "but it's not about ME is it? I'm not the one suffering."

No advice other than solidarity. Most of my horror comes from knowing Animal Abuse is out there and happening right now

There's many things in this world you can't do anything about, twats on the roads and twats going to war.

Unless you're going to broker peace you may as well get on with enjoying life. Your tears and wallowing are no good to the people of Ukraine or Iran.

I've just had an awful few months where my elderly father collapsed and was rushed to hospital multiple times. It's made me realise life is short, embrace those around you and enjoy the world (the beauty of nature is such an amazing thing).

It’s an anonymous forum. There’s nothing performative about writing anonymously to a bunch of also anonymous people.

High time Mumsnet got over criticising everyone’s emotions as ‘performative’, simply because they feel them. It’s getting rather boring.

There's millions of wonderful things in the world and millions of awful things. You could equally say:

"How can you possibly be miserable when there are beautiful sunrises, friends laughing, kittens playing, grandparents meeting their first grand child, the miraculous fact that life somehow exists in the first place".

There's enough good things, theoretically, to merit constant happiness and there are enough bad things to merit constant misery. Realistically, we end up somewhere in between.

It's good to make positive actions, but there's no moral good in feeling constant sadness about the misery in the world, it just adds one more miserable person.

I spent 25 years working for the emergency services so I’ve certainly encountered some grim stuff. I did my best to make a positive change but whether I did remains to be seen. I also met some exceptional people - kind, funny, generous and thoughtful. Being present when someone dies and seeing the professionals doing their absolute best to save them. What an absolute privilege. We only pass through this way once and if this is how you want to embrace it then I guess that’s your choice to make. Maybe this is a sign of depression that you need to address with your doctor. Maybe some daily practice or time with a journal will help focus your mind on all the great stuff in the world too.