To feel disappointed DS was left out at his nan’s b’day party by his cousin?

I think the people you should be disappointed in is you and DH for not encouraging DS into conversations with other relatives - it’s not o. His 11 year old cousin to involve him when he’s almost double their age and it’s unfair to put it on a child!!

in future why not find someone else who was an equally awkward teen or had issues with confidence and introduce them to your son and the 2-3 of you chat together; talk about how things improved or changed. If there’s no one like that at the gathering, then you reminisce about family holidays, summers or events when you were younger and how they were different to today. Or make sure to invite someone nearer DS age that he is comfortable around so he’s not alone for much of the day!!

I’m relieved that this ‘issue’ has had a unanimous response on here. The oddest thing I’ve ever read and really quite concerning.

This is a hilarious post.

Thanks for the giggles @BoldMaker73

Then you should reassure him that it wouldn't have been remotely normal for a child to worry about whether an adult man was 'left out'. That his cousin acted in the way children would be expected to, and left an adult to their own devices. That this wasn't personal or a rejection, just typical of the different behaviour of children and adults.
I do think its important your son understands the difference between himself and a child, and if he's struggling with that, you should be helping him to see it rather than reinforcing it by acting like he's a child yourself.

Yeah..my bad. DN is Nephew, not niece...she's trying to put the blame on an 11 year old...for not accomodating her 19 year old adult child.
She's wired to the fkn moon.

I meant the parent should have tried this several years ago. Just because the children played with him last year she thinks they should this year.

This has got to be a joke. Surely?

If not, how strange.

It could be that OP is suffering from the same issues with anxiety and social skills here. Otherwise I'd have thought if she's noticed her son was just sitting with her she'd have tried this.

What am I reading? You're upset because an 11 year old made your 19 year old MAN feel left out? I vote wind up.

They played together at the last event?
Does your son have additional needs? Because he’s an actual adult and should not feel the need to play with 10 year olds or feel rejected when they quite rightly treat him as any other grownup instead of inviting him to play 😳

OP, you say your DH and both sets of GPs were mixing, chatting to various friends and family whilst your DS was sat next to you all day.

Is there a reason you weren’t also mixing and chatting to other people? Because that’s what you need to do with your DS. Or your DH needs to. Get him involved in the conversations. Show him how to ask questions, be interested in people etc.

A 19 year old upset that he didn't get to play with the children 🤔

A lifetime ago Op, at 16 years and 9 months old , I began work at an Engineering works as an apprentice. From that moment on, I was no longer a child (I put away those childish things) and more importantly my parents treated me as an adult from then on. When will you do the same with your DS?

Isn’t that what a parent would have done before now?

These situations why my kids always have a pack of cards with them @BoldMaker73

They can then either play solo games or ask others to join in. It always works as most people love a card game

Thinking about it OP I wonder if he needs someone to be like a wingman? Like an aunt or uncle that could help him with making conversation with unfamiliar people at events like this until he gets more used to it.

I had to read this twice to check it didn’t say he was 9. He’s 19!!!! He’s an adult. Why on earth would he have any interest in 11 year olds and vie Versa

This! No they don't become an adult overnight @skyeisthelimit but I wouldn't expect it of a 16/17 year old either. Around puberty they slowly start growing out of childish things and it's a gradual transition from there.

Oh, ffs.

It sounds as though your son is on the socially anxious/ awkward side of things - I think the useful lesson here would be to use it to have a chat with him - my duaghter is autistic and we have to talk these situations through (and yes I'd be looking at ND traits here)

Say to your son - the others were a lot younger than you so the expectation would be that if you want to join them - you go in and offer to organise a game, or just say hey can I join. The NORMAL social expectation would NOT be that 11 year olds would have a 'burden'/duty/ responsibility' towards a MUCH older cousin who is now an adult.

If your son is hurt and offended, he has misunderstood social rules that - as you can see from this thread - are completely understood by most people.

I wonder if you are also neurodiverse - you sound to be carrying sadness from your own childhood and then projecting it as well .

It's never too late to learn in life - and I think your son is going to really benefit if you can help him navigate these situations.

Being the only socially awkward young adult at a party with older adults or kids isn't always the easiest social situation.It's quite normal that some people find that, and the small talk that comes with it, challenging.
Expecting an 11 year old to invite an adult to 'come and play' with them though is wildly inappropriate. Both you and DS need to change your thinking around this, to protect him as much as anything else. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to think another parent would interpret his intentions with the kids he expects to play with as being very dark. He, and you, might see himself as their peer but the kids don't, their parents won't and society doesn't.
You need to stop seeing him as an old child and as the young adult he is. He's not 'technically an adult', he is an adult. He needs to understand why that makes playing with kids like they are his peers inappropriate. He needs to be helped to find work. He needs to not be babied.

Op actually said he wouldn’t know what to do at home on his own!

Family gatherings like this are dull as dishwater for late teens. I have a 17 year old who would much rather stay at home than be dragged to something like this! In fact if probsbly have to bribe her to come.
I'd let it go and stop overthinking it. Encourage your son to get out there and enjoy life.

She’s missed boat on getting him tested. He’s an adult it’s up to him if he pursues a diagnosis.

Even if the cousin were fifteen, not eleven, it would be odd that the OP's nineteen-year-old son felt rejected at not being invited to hang out with him and his friends.