To feel disappointed DS was left out at his nan’s b’day party by his cousin?

I was honestly wondering if if I should start to steer my 13 year old away from playing with the younger kids but she’s an actual child so now I think maybe it’s fine.

I dont think a 19 year old adult saying he prefers the company of children is going to come across too well.

First of all, fair play to you @BoldMaker73 for coming back to the thread after so much criticism.

But I have to say, the criticism is justified.
Not only does your ds need help, but the fact that you started the thread by blaming an 11 yr old for not asking his adult cousin to play, suggests to me you have a pretty weird view of the world.

When did you last renew your safeguarding training ?
Have you done Prevent training ?

How are you now making the connection between what you should know, as a Nursery worker, and your adult ds ?

If someone reported a 19 yo trying to be friends with their primary child, wouldn’t you raise it as a safeguarding issue as you work with children

What course did he do at college Op?

It is really worrying that you aren’t seeing an issue.

Sounds like Michael Jackson - he considered the kids he played with to be his peers too

What 19 yr old wants to "play" with children? He's an adult. You're being really ridiculous

Well start for a diagnosis?

Why does he not have a paid job? Surely he needs his own money and independence?

This is all sounds very inappropriate, both your behaviour and your DS's.

Again, it may not be your intention, or his, but people will absolutely take a 19 year old man saying he wants to play with kids as a peer, that he prefers the company of kids because they're easier to talk to as a huge red flag.
It sounds like he's a young man with SEN and who has been massively infantalised by his parents, rather than a paedophile, but you all have to understand that people absolutely will start to worry that he is if this continues. What you are describing is not, in any way, the norm.

Fine to hang out for a bit with a young cousin in an adult way. Not fine to want to play like you are 11 and be upset not invited in the gang.
I wonder if the boys sensed weird vibes from his behaviour last time and deliberately kept distance this time.

That’s as maybe, but the children won’t want to play with him, so it’s not really a reasonable choice.

He’s an adult now, only getting older and it’s not acceptable behaviour.

I presume you and your colleagues don’t enjoy children as if they were your peers or friends though.

I think this issue should have been addressed many years ago - regardless of potential ND, it sounds like you have projected your unresolved issues onto him.

The fact that you were blaming children for not including him says a lot about you both

Your colleagues (hopefully) don’t engage with children on a peer to peer basis though.

I’m thinking a lot of his ‘social anxiety’ is caused by you for babying and infantising him.

you need to tell him to grow some balls. He sounds pathetic and you have made him that way.

You might not mean it like that but that’s how people will see it. It sounds like lines very blurred in his head.
It’s too late for you to seek a diagnosis it’s all on him now. I’d suggest he sees his gp asap.
As for the rest maybe post in adult children section. There’s plenty you can do. Not treat him like he’s 10. Expectation he gets a job and contributes to household. Expectation he does chores. Stop funding phone, turn off WiFi.

Of course adults like the company of kids. It's why many of us have them and work in childcare.

It's a world away though from seeing them as your peers when you're an adult, actively preferring their company to people your own age and expecting to be invited to play their games and then feeling upset and "rejected" when they don't.

I'm not saying there is anything untoward but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how it looks and how it's absolutely not normal and wildly inappropriate.

This is concerning - a grown man wanting to play with young boys! He doesn't have friends his own age!
Thank god he doesn't have the confidence to approach them directly
Maybe something happened when he 'played' with them last year that made them avoid him this time
You need to read your post objectively and see if it concerns you too

When all's said and done, and being brutally honest, it's oddball behaviour for a 19 year old to want to hang out with 11 and 12 year olds. There's no getting away from that or dressing it up as anything else.

This is too weird

A lot of it around

Never read anything as odd. Made me feel icky.

Strong bitty vibes here.

He’s a grown man he doesn’t ‘get asked to play’ with pre teens. No wonder the poor lad has no friends.

I'm not suggesting anything untoward it's just very similar to the words MJ used which might make people uncomfortable.

I like young children and worked for 30 years as an Early Years teacher but those children were not my peers and I did not expect them to go out of their way to make me feel comfortable. I was the adult.

I have teenage and adult grandchildren. The 17 year old was pulling pints at his weekend job on Sunday. The older ones have had part time jobs since they were 16. It is normal for young people to start forging their own lives at this age. He should be getting out there with people of his own age and older.

I think you need to spell out clearly he’s an adult and trying to hang out with children as their friend isn’t appropriate and liable to lead to accusations (my DD his age would call it nonce behaviour)
If he wants to work or volunteer with kids that’s fine but he’ll receive safeguarding training and be there as an adult.
Fine to offer to play with a younger cousin at a family party eg do you fancy a kick around but not want to be asked to play as a peer and not to focus on kids to exclusion of all adults.
What does he perceive as judgy? I’d expect adults at a party to ask what are you up to these days Brian that’s conversation not judgement.
If he’s done nothing for 11 months then he should feel embarrassed.

would you give over for god sake. He’s an adult and they are small kids .