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Original poster

Would you be ok with being celibate 56?

82 replies

TimeForWineAndSun · 04/05/2026 21:40

DH and me always have had mismatched sex drives. Mine average. His low. I am now 56 and he’s 53. Sex has now ground to a halt. I’m obviously unhappy with that but menopause has meant that I can live with it (just). But I do miss it! Is 56 an ok age to just hang up my boots?

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForWineAndSun · 05/05/2026 11:51

Magicpaintbrush · 04/05/2026 23:20

I'm 47 and haven't had sex for two years; DH had cancer and was too ill for that and he recently died. I miss him, and intimacy, terribly. It's not just about the sex, it's the closeness and connection. I always imagined I'd be having sex until I was 70 or similar, now I think it may never happen again, and no I'm not okay with it. DH didn't give me his blessing to move on with anyone new, but even if he had I only want him. So I guess that's it. But it's nothing compared to what DH has lost.

I'm so sorry for your loss. FlowersI'm sure your DH would want you to be happy and move on, as hard as that may be. FIL lost MIL, I think he would have been 66 at the time. After a few years, he did dip his toe in the dating scene, and met a wonderful lady. They now live together and have been together about 10 years so far. They have epic adventures together. Everything is possible. FlowersIt must be so hard though, I'm really sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForWineAndSun · 05/05/2026 11:47

Looseweightlooseinterest · 04/05/2026 22:58

My husband has always had a low sex drive and it stopped about 15 years ago . It clashed with menopause so at the time wasn’t bothered. I then piled on the weight for 10 years. I am now 60 lost 2 stone and feeling more confident but am not attracted to husband anymore…he hasn’t once complimented me on my weight loss and my confidence 😞Can I be bothered to break up marriage and lose security financially?
No we just bumble along and I am learning to accept it now and just feel proud of my willpower loosing weight and feeling healthier.

I'm sorry your DH hasn't complimented you, but well done for the weight loss, that's epic!!

OP posts:
Corvidsarethebest · 04/05/2026 23:30

Magicpaintbrush · 04/05/2026 23:20

I'm 47 and haven't had sex for two years; DH had cancer and was too ill for that and he recently died. I miss him, and intimacy, terribly. It's not just about the sex, it's the closeness and connection. I always imagined I'd be having sex until I was 70 or similar, now I think it may never happen again, and no I'm not okay with it. DH didn't give me his blessing to move on with anyone new, but even if he had I only want him. So I guess that's it. But it's nothing compared to what DH has lost.

I'm so sorry @Magicpaintbrush , I have been where you are which is why I said the idea of being alone in bed, feeling untouched and unhugged is so hard, I've done it too. I don't want to say it will get better, but things do shift and move over time. The loss of intimacy is so hard.

I have changed a lot how I feel about it all now, I feel like I'm the lucky one, I'm the one alive so I better get on with living, but I didn't feel like that for many years afterwards.

People recommend WAY (widowed and young) although I was a bit old for them and didn't go in the end.

Ophir · 04/05/2026 23:21

Nope, I couldn’t move like that. Deal breaker for me

Magicpaintbrush · 04/05/2026 23:20

I'm 47 and haven't had sex for two years; DH had cancer and was too ill for that and he recently died. I miss him, and intimacy, terribly. It's not just about the sex, it's the closeness and connection. I always imagined I'd be having sex until I was 70 or similar, now I think it may never happen again, and no I'm not okay with it. DH didn't give me his blessing to move on with anyone new, but even if he had I only want him. So I guess that's it. But it's nothing compared to what DH has lost.

Looseweightlooseinterest · 04/05/2026 22:58

My husband has always had a low sex drive and it stopped about 15 years ago . It clashed with menopause so at the time wasn’t bothered. I then piled on the weight for 10 years. I am now 60 lost 2 stone and feeling more confident but am not attracted to husband anymore…he hasn’t once complimented me on my weight loss and my confidence 😞Can I be bothered to break up marriage and lose security financially?
No we just bumble along and I am learning to accept it now and just feel proud of my willpower loosing weight and feeling healthier.

Thechaseison71 · 04/05/2026 22:57

Id not be happy TBH. But if frequency was too low id use a vibrator in between but no sex at all would be rough. I'm mid 50s

Netcurtainnelly · 04/05/2026 22:55

it's ok

MachineBee · 04/05/2026 22:54

I would persuade your DH to get a health check if he’s not getting erections. That can be a sign of heart or circulation issues.

In answer to your question I’m in my mid-60s and I still enjoy sex at least once a week. So I wouldn’t be happy to have been celibate for the past decade.

Bufftailed · 04/05/2026 22:51

Single yes. In a relationship no.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/05/2026 22:48

I think its too soon - you've only got a few good years of sex left

Take a lover x

Missj25 · 04/05/2026 22:34

TimeForWineAndSun · 04/05/2026 22:01

If he wanted sex with me every day, and did things to arouse me, I would definitely be up for it. But the thing is that just doesn’t happen. So I feel like I’ve kind of died inside. When I was younger, I felt that it bothered me more but now I am thinking well, you are 56 anyway so things probably would drop off at this point anyway. It’s hard. I still dream about having sex. Not sure what to do to be honest. My sex drive is definitely way lower than it was say three years ago. I just miss it, you know?

You don’t sound to me OP like you want to hang up your boots .
I think you need to sit & chat with your husband & figure out how to fix this .
Best of luck with it all x

sunflowersandsunsets · 04/05/2026 22:33

It wouldn’t bother me but then I have no real interest in sex anyway.

Cyclebabble · 04/05/2026 22:31

I would see this as a serious problem. It does look at least as if you can discuss it and perhaps look at therapy or use of viagara or similar?

Joliefolie · 04/05/2026 22:28

If your husband has always had a low sex drive, I'm curious about why you married him? Why did you stay with him? Are those reasons no longer valid and something has changed for you?

Additup · 04/05/2026 22:26

TimeForWineAndSun · 04/05/2026 22:05

This sounds perfect. 👌 Last time we had sex was about 6 weeks ago on holiday, he couldn’t get it up, so we finished me off another way. Prior to that the last time we had sex was December. He hasn’t ejaculated in about a year!! I find this totally ridiculous!!

Show quote history

That sounds really tough, I'm sorry. Could your DH have any underlying heath problems?

Corvidsarethebest · 04/05/2026 22:11

I feel more alive than ever since menopause is properly over. I thought I might care less, but I also have dreams, sex drive, and opportunities.

Whether the marriage is over is so much more complex than this, but the thought of lying in bed wishing to be touched sounds horrible to me.

Is he interested in any type of revival, he could take Viagra for his lack of oomph for starters? I'd look to create more intimacy full stop, by which I mean touch, appreciation, hugs, and eventually sex, these things all go together for me. I've found Bruce Mazik's course on this very good, it's about revitalising the whole marriage but that then knocks on elsewhere. It might be a dead end though if he's not that fussed, I think he'd have to be onboard to shift anything.

Rootintootincowgirl · 04/05/2026 22:11

Currently going through a horrible divorce in my early thirties. I miss sex but I can’t imagine letting anyone near me again.

MagnoIia · 04/05/2026 22:05

I was done mid-40s. Don't miss it one bit.

Original poster
TimeForWineAndSun · 04/05/2026 22:05

Additup · 04/05/2026 21:57

Only you can answer whats right for you. If you're happy with decades of enforced celibacy then you'll be fine.

Personally I definitely wouldn't be happy. I'm the same age as you and I don't know what I'd do in your situation apart from get very frustrated and unhappy. I've currently got my dh up to 2-3 times a week which is great 😁.

Could you speak with your dh to try and appeal to him? Get him on a health kick to get the sap rising?

This sounds perfect. 👌 Last time we had sex was about 6 weeks ago on holiday, he couldn’t get it up, so we finished me off another way. Prior to that the last time we had sex was December. He hasn’t ejaculated in about a year!! I find this totally ridiculous!!

OP posts:
Goinggonegone · 04/05/2026 22:05

I'm similar age and have been celibate since my early 30s.
But it's how you feel that matters.

shellyleppard · 04/05/2026 22:05

Been celibate for past five years..... menopause killed my sex life off. Now I just can't be bothered with dating. No one interested in friends only

LilyBunch25 · 04/05/2026 22:03

No. I'm 51 DH 63, still very active.

bridgetreilly · 04/05/2026 22:01

It doesn’t matter about other people, it matters about you and DH. I’m fine with it. But the two of you need to discuss and agree together, doing the best you can for each other,

Original poster
TimeForWineAndSun · 04/05/2026 22:01

If he wanted sex with me every day, and did things to arouse me, I would definitely be up for it. But the thing is that just doesn’t happen. So I feel like I’ve kind of died inside. When I was younger, I felt that it bothered me more but now I am thinking well, you are 56 anyway so things probably would drop off at this point anyway. It’s hard. I still dream about having sex. Not sure what to do to be honest. My sex drive is definitely way lower than it was say three years ago. I just miss it, you know?

OP posts:
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