Would you be ok with being celibate 56?

Sounds like you've identified the real issue here - you get on well, love each other etc. (the really very important stuff) but also destress by drinking/eating too much and of course that's going to impact your libido when you're late 50s, even without the practical awkwardness of it all when you're uncomforable with your new body shape. No need to try to aspire to be a younger fake influencer type but paying attention to sleep (I understand of course that shift work can make that much harder), booze weekends only, largely mediterranean diet, hormone check, upping exercise (at home with hand weights if the gym isn't appealing) will give you both a renewed lust for life... sounds like you both need to remind yourselves and each other that you are worth taking care of.

It’s not very fair when it’s not your choice.
Fine when both parties are on board with it.

How long has it been or did I miss that bit ? Sorry x

That was me when I was pregnant. Like utterly insatiable. Ten years later? It's gone. Nada.

The question is a bit redundant because it doesnt matter if every single person on this thread said yes, they'd be cool with it because if YOU arent, then its not ok is it?

You say you can live with it "just"- that doesnt sound very fulfilling to me. I also think your husband needs a medical check- 53 is not old by any means and most men I know in their 50s are still going at it as much as they can. It would be different if he was in his 80s but in his 50s he should still have a libido.

Using language like died inside is really concerning and I think deep down you know thats not right. Life is short. Dont live it feeling dead inside.

I was pretty much over it by the time I was 35! Now almost 42 I've been celibate for 4.5 years. Really not bothered.

there have been times in 35 years together when we have had pauses for several months; illness and we had children later in life I was 44 and DP 50. In recent years we plan sex late afternoon, once.a week, have bath, put lingerie on, get out the vibrator and it has been great - then settle back to a nice dinner at home. We are now 69 and 75. I think you need to have a chat about it and work out a rhythm that satisfies you both. Not being spontaneous doesn't mean you don't enjoy.

I'm 56 OP, left my sexless marriage a couple of years ago. Wasn't just the lack of sex, we had completely grown apart. We met too young perhaps. Together 30 years

Anyway met a lovely man my age who had come out of a similar situation and honestly we are both having the best sex of our lives. It's like we are teenagers again. Been together 18 months and shows no signs of slowing down, I think perhaps because we don't live together.

I ended up celibate ( but married ) at about 42, for a variety of reasons, none of which I am entirely happy about. I have had to accept that those days are probably behind me, I do miss it though.

It can get difficult cant it! We met when I was 39 and he 44. Like bloody rabbits. At 50 meno hit me. It severely lagged. I picked up the pace...just as his declined. Tested. Low testosterone. He now has gel. But tbh its few and far between. We go a few weeks without and I can feel my irritation rising. It causes arguments. And it makes me a bit sad as we are better with it in our lives. Its an ever repeating circle every month or so. And its such a shame as we both really enjoy it when we do finally find the time. I wouldnt go elsewhere. And I dont believe he would either. But I do find it hard to believe it won't ever happen again and I would be a bit mad if we got to that point. Probably same with you...more conversations need had here to discuss it.

Yeah I have been celibate since 2012 and am sixty now. I don’t miss it at all or ever think about it.

This is basically me. No interest in sex but also no interest in dating so luckily nobody else is impacted. Makes it easier.

I haven’t had any action for five years and haven’t made much effort to seek any. What’s another decade or so?

We're both late,late 50's and our sex drives have always matched so very lucky, however becoming celibate would be a huge hell no for me!
I would never ever leave DH but I would tell him that I would have a FWB situation and let him make his own choice.

If you get on great, love each other and wouldn't split over this then for sure it's worth working out how to improve thins on the sex front. Him getting checked out and you both getting healthy together is definitely part of that. Wellness checks, hormone checks, exercise, etc. Approach it from a position of positivity about why you both deserve to take care of yourselves as individuals and as a couple, don't let pressure for sex get in the way of these first steps.

That would never work for me. But I’m not you. So I wonder what you’re looking for by asking the question. Is it to help your acceptance or hear how it works for others?
Only you can decide if the life you have is the one you want.

53 and 63 here, nothing for two years and that is fine by me, he hasn't said anything. Maybe I will come home one day to a letter on the mantelpiece though 😢

I do know. But it's doable now. If you were younger my answer would be different.

Well it was pretty much non-existent in the last couple of years, despite my best efforts. I genuinely think she had just lost interest in sex, until a guy at her work fourteen years older than her and who had only been married himself for two years somehow managed to talk her into bed (well not bed in fact, but the back seat of his car in the car park of the local municipal crematorium and cemetery! Classy eh?)

59 and 65, both not interested in sex any more and have a very loving 40yr marriage.

Only if you both want y be celibate but I thought the point of marriage was you weren't? I am approaching 59 and would be devastated if I thought I had less than a decade left! I have no intention of stopping and I hope DH doesn't either.

Yeah it wouldn’t bother me.

You only get one life, so it really matters that you live it in a way that feels right for you, not just what someone else wants. You’ve already said you’re unhappy and that you miss it. For a lot of people, it is an important part of feeling connected and fulfilled.

So it is worth asking yourself why you are putting that part of your life aside for someone else. If it matters to you, be honest about it. That might mean having an open conversation and finding something that works for both of you, or it might mean accepting that you want different things and choosing to move on.
At the end of the day, you deserve a life that actually makes you feel happy and satisfied.

As I said, you only get one life.

I suppose it depends on whether your DP took a lover because there was no sex, or just a bit less than they would have liked.