AIBU to think my sister is projecting her regrets onto me?

Sounds as though she thinks you made better choices than she did and she's envious. I'd point this out to her next time she is snarky.

It sounds like judgement goes both ways OP... Neither of you come off great in this

@TheAgileOP From your point of view, I can see why your sister is irritating you with her comments, but I would need to hear her side of the story too before I could say whether she is jealous of you, or whether you have similarly annoyed her over the years with your own comments about her life style.

I may be wrong, so I do apologise if I am, but there is a suggestion in your post, from the way you have written it, that you have also been judgemental over the years about the choices she made, which were clearly different from yours? Maybe you just need to accept that you are two very different people and have had different views on life since you became adults and that neither of you really understand where the other is coming from?

Reading this as an outsider, it doesnt appear to me that her problem is with your choices - her problem is with your happiness. Which is kind of mean and shitty. She seems to be stuck in a constant treadmill of comparing your two lives. It kind of smacks of some deep rooted insecurity or regret at the choices she herself made. If you can find it in you to feel compassion for how unhappy with herself she must be to focus so much on you in such a negative way, that would be awesome, otherwise just ignore. Shes an adult and should come to terms with her own life without reference to anyone elses. I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe she spent all those years looking longingly at your successful relationship and adventures travelling, but consoling herself with the thought that you will have missed the boat for children, homemaking, career etc.....and lo and behold you managed to have all those things as well. It sounds like its absolutely consuming her. (She sounds pretty spiteful and petty to be honest)

I might be completely off base here, but reading the OP gave me a bit of a “the sisters from Outnumbered” vibe, just from Angela’s perspective. Is it possible she feels she ended up carrying responsibilities that should’ve been shared while you were away travelling? Maybe caring for elderly or unwell parents? Or perhaps her divorce was particularly difficult, and she expected you to be around for support?

I agree.
i think the birth choices part is a flag that OP needs to look at herself in the mirror a bit when navigating this problem.

Exactly!

Some indicators of a big ego going on here e.g still fluent in Spanish (Like that’s relevant to the relationship with her sister!) and giving exact job titles for her and DH.

Just respond in the most breezy way possible to all digs. “Oh NOW you want to settle down and have kids?!” “Yes! It’s great, isn’t it? Can’t wait!” etc. Showing her she’s getting to you with her comments adds fuel to the fire. Deflect with positive energy (and seethe afterwards).

Yes, this. I had a version of this from people I didn’t know that well. Like the OP, DH and met young, spent a lot of time studying and travelling, and married and had our son just before I turned 40. For a particular type of person, that’s ‘unfair’ because I somehow gamed the system, and had a lot of fun while ending up with a child, husband and professional job etc too. It would have been ok if I’d stayed childless, because they could have felt I’d ’lost out’ or ‘left it too late’.

She sounds jealous! I had my second baby at 40, he’s 14 now and we’re all fine, loads of people have children later, my first was when I was 37 … DH and I met at uni, we both did postgrad studies and got our careers underway before kids … that also fine … ignore her, or just tell her to stop being judgemental, you’re doing things different to her but that’s fine

This my interpretation as well. I don’t think she sounds jealous, more that she is looking down on you and your choices.

She might be feeling a bit disappointed that the future retirement travel plans she had with her sister are now going to be looking different because you'll still have a young family?
If it's just an undercurrent you're feeling, then maybe she hasn't realised she's doing it?

I wonder if maybe you’re projecting your regrets on to her? It may be she will have a level of financial stability that you will not. She has two children, you have one. She had kids when she likely had more energy. She will have more freedom soon to travel as her kids are older. She will be a younger grandmother. She will be able to pass on more wealth to her kids that may give them options that includes your choices.
It may be she is jealous, but that may well go both ways. It’d be worth reflecting on tone when speaking to her and whether you are as joyous about her choices as your own.

She went through a divorce with young children. I wonder if she wishes you had been there for her a bit more then. It must have been fairly traumatic yet you dismiss it in a sentence.

I wouldn't have left it till 36+ to have children unless I had no other choice tbh.

I doubt it's envy at travel, she'll be able to do that once her children are grown up

I agree. I wonder if OP is feeling sad about having her children later and trying to make herself feel better about it by getting others to agree what an amazing time she had travelling.

Hmmm I think I’d have to have heard these comments myself to decide on this one. The delivery changes the whole tone. Her saying “ about time” could be affectionate and teasing or judgemental so those aspects are hard to decipher. It does seem like you have been blessed in life… you met your partner on day one so no relationship angst there and you and your partner were both gifted large sums so you didn’t actually have to graft that much to live. She has gone through a divorce and I wonder if that was a really tough time for her. The things that are a question mark about you OP are the details you include about speaking fluent Spanish and the water birth etc which didn’t really add anything to the OP but paint a picture which is perhaps unflattering about you. I may be entirely wrong but it’s possible that you come across as horribly smug and your sister is a little ground down by it.

I don’t know anyone who had babies in their 20s who is jealous of someone having babies late 30s/early 40s. Bil did this, travelled then settled and I’m happy for him, and my nephew is lovely, but exhausting. We’re in a different stage. Op definitely seems to imply her way was the right way so I wonder is ds is jealous or just fed up of ds perpetual smugness. She may be sad her marriage failed - I wonder how op supported her during that. I think there’s probably 2 very different sides. Overall, I’d say something fairly blunt if my sibling was making rude comments.

It sounds like she's pigeon holed you a certain way and now you've started having kids and living a more settled life she feels like you've somehow encroached on her niche in the family. Or she's annoyed you got to do both travelling and being carefree and having kids.

I agree with @youalright above that you're life choices aren't that wildly different. If you wanted to be the bigger person you could just flip it around and say "oh well you're so lucky you'll have the freedom to travel once the kids are independent, we have years to go now!" I have a few people in my life like this and once you refuse to play the one upmanship game they usually get confused and back off!

Are you coming back to this discussion you have started OP?
You sound quite smug which might be annoying your sister. Maybe she regrets some of her life choices. It isn't unusual around peri. You can challenge her about it if you want to.

Her marriage failed, you are still with your first love and happy - it trumps anything she has - can't you see it? Cut her some slack, she is jealous.

I agree, it does sound like you think you and your partner have done it the best way!

It is very familiar.

I think I’ve read this Op before as well. If so, the op has a massive issue with her sister and basically wants MN to pile in and say that she (Op) did life exactly right and her sister is wrong, boring and jealous.

Ask her

“What’s with all the judgement?”

or

”How do you feel when you make judgemental comments to me?”

Draw her attention to her behaviour. She is making you feel uncomfortable push it back onto her. She has no problem doing it to you.

Your sister was a happy, spoilt, greatly loved little girl then you had the nerve to come along and be born and steal some of the limelight - a crime never to be forgiven (ime experience of many first borns)!