Sisters kids and their screens…

I’ve always been reasonably relaxed about screens, my kids love reading, baking, playing outside, gardening, games and crafts. They have tablets but they’ve not been played in months, I keep them in our bedroom and no one has asked for them. I don’t know if we’re just lucky but my kids really aren’t bothered about screens or perhaps my relaxed approach while encouraging screen free time has helped them develop other interests, who knows.

Id echo others to say perhaps puzzles and drawing weren’t a particularly exciting suggestion for 9 year old nephew? I personally hate puzzles, they make me feel nauseous but I love a good board game! Maybe he’d have preferred having a kick around with a ball outside, find out what his interests are for next time.

I’d also try really hard not to pass judgement on your sister’s parenting based on one event. Letting him have a tablet after Sunday dinner for some downtime is hardly the crime of the century and maybe doesn’t reflect their day to day screen time.

I think your post are a little contradictory. You don’t agree with screen but then can’t really suggest anything else. To only offer drawing or a jigsaw to a 9 year old boy is a bit dull to them. If you want to connect get outside. A bike ride or a ball game. Even in the rain. Just chuck on a coat.
Or a family game. Unos always a winner. Or dobble. Google some kid board games. Articulate is good. Dig in is great for all ages.
I hate screens and I’m a parent of children the same age. But do not judge those who use them. Especially as you haven’t got kids and can’t comprehend the battle I would stay quiet from now on with your sister unless you want to upset her.

I think your post are a little contradictory. You don’t agree with screen but then can’t really suggest anything else. To only offer drawing or a jigsaw to a 9 year old boy is a bit dull to them. If you want to connect get outside. A bike ride or a ball game. Even in the rain. Just chuck on a coat.
Or a family game. Unos always a winner. Or dobble. Google some kid board games. Articulate is good. Dig in is great for all ages.
I hate screens and I’m a parent of children the same age. But do not judge those who use them. Especially as you haven’t got kids and can’t comprehend the battle I would stay quiet from now on with your sister unless you want to upset her.

Not a parent myself but I spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew

Is this the first time the screen has been an issue? You seem focused on this instance but surely as you spend so much time with them you know how much screen time they have? (Or a ballpark at least)

My oldest is rarely off a screen now he’s at high school, he didn’t have any games/devices until he was 9 and then they were limited, he had a great imagination and loved being outside but now sadly is gone all teenager boy and grumpy.
The trouble is most of his friends also spend a lot of time online and they speak (very loudly🙄) through headsets. All his devices turn off at 9.30.
My middle one games online with friends and wouldn’t have entertained drawing either. a puzzle possibly depending on what the subject was but he’s loves a good board game. If you’re looking for inspiration he loves
Battleships
Rummy (using the plastic tiles instead of cards)
Monopoly
Game of life
Uno.
I groan when he suggests monopoly as he takes hours however we also have the junior version which my youngest plays as well.
I would personally take around the travel version of rummikub, it’s easy to learn and we do tournaments, my 5 year old can play it with help and even my oldest one will sometimes join in.

Screens is a tricky one because all parents are different, with different demands on them, and all kids are different and people get very defensive!

for example, my children are reception and pre-school, my eldest had free reign with screens and was absolutely not bothered in the slightest. She’ll watch frozen or moana but far prefers drawing / reading / puzzles / dolls / being outside, it’s not anything close to a battle. If it was just her, I’d be advocating for a child led approach, no need for strict boundaries blah blah blah. As always, my youngest humbled me. We tried the same approach but she is FAR more interested in it, so it’s virtually banned in our house now. I guess it’s just down to personalities as to how they respond to it.

My 10 year old doesn't particularly like drawing or puzzles but he'd do it with his uncles (for the novelty of uncles being more fun than me/dh).

He'd react super happily if you suggested a board game/uno/chess though.

My 9 year old son wouldn’t want to draw with you either, but would happily do some Lego or (based on today) play 1 million games of uno…

l

You have been their Aunt for 9 years and you were shocked that this happened at lunch? Your post is about this one incident not ongoing issues- Therefore this isn’t something you have noticed before when you have tried to bond with them and done other activities?

Which suggests this was perhaps the end of a long bank holiday weekend and the kids fancied a bit of screen time.

We have been in the garden, swimming, out with friends all weekend and the kids haven’t seen a screen (similar age to your DNs) and today we promised a more chilled out day and they were allowed an hour on the PlayStation. Both leapt upstairs after lunch to log on. My DFriend popped over unexpectedly and I got a pass agg comment about them being glued to it. I firmly put her in her place that the kids have had a full and active weekend and it was only an hour.

You sounds terribly judgemental and keen to ‘help’ when I assume your sister hasn’t asked for any?

Hmm not everyone likes puzzles. Dd1 will still choose to do a puzzle, she's 15 she's always enjoyed puzzles has many and does them regularly. Dd2 really hates puzzles. She'd rather play a board game or card game with someone or play badminton or something in the garden.

They will almost always choose their screens though. We have pretty strict limits most of the time. Relaxed for long car journeys or if one DC has to travel for the other sports.

I’d try finding out more about what he likes to do and what’s likely to go down well, eg something active, something outside, or talking about his interests etc. There will be something through trial and error.

I don’t think you’re being overly judgy here but many parents are very sensitive about screen use and will use the easy argument of “don’t give me your studies if you haven’t parented” and the like. As a parent I can also clearly see the effects of excessive screen use on the children within my wider family / social circle. If my 10yo nephew was in the situation you described, he might get a little bored with the adults talking but will soon find something creative or active to do. A couple of kids around the same age that I know well who have iPad during mealtimes, any journeys, any quiet times basically, will be withdrawn and obviously unhappy until they get the screen.

What's odd about making a comment based on your own experience?

I didn't say puzzles and drawing weren't age appropriate either, I said that a lot of boys that age probably wouldn't want to sit down and draw with their aunt and baby sister.

I don’t think you should be commenting on your sister’s parenting, especially given you don’t have children. I was an amazing parent before I had children. I don’t think you can say that a 9 year old is “addicted” to screens because they didn’t want to do a puzzle or drawing.
I definitely agree with screen time limits, but if I wanted time to chat to another adult and catch up, I don’t think I’d worry about giving my child an iPad, especially a 9 year old. Doesn’t mean they’re on it 24/7. I’m also not sure what schools in Sweden have to do with your nephew being on an iPad for a bit.
It is your sister’s job to worry about her child’s screen time and development, not yours. Perhaps focus on what you can improve about yourself.

This is such an odd comment.
Puzzles and drawing are absolutely age appropriate at 9 and I have no idea what sex has got to do with it.

Of course it is possible that this specific child doesn't like drawing or puzzles, but they are far from unusual activities.

I agree @SassyGreenBee that in this instance it appears that they have been trained into screen use, but perhaps asking 'hey kids what should we do together' would have given different results??

You're not wrong @SassyGreenBee It's a huge problem.

I'm surprised that people think a 9-year-old boy wouldn't want to do a puzzle or draw. Why on earth not? Those are activities that people of all ages enjoy. Unless he really dislikes those activities (fair enough) in which case he might have suggested an alternative. Or maybe he has become far too dependent on screens, which I think is a reasonable inference based on the OP.

Given you are not a parent, i would keep your opinions to yourself!

You have seen a small snapshot of interaction. Get off your high horse.

My 9 year old would not be even slightly interested in puzzles or colouring. Cooking or baking together, taking his ipad out and using an app to identify plants, watching a Brian Cox programme together, walking the dog would be a huge yes. Get to know your nephew and you’ll be able to suggest something he really likes.

If you spend time with them for two hours on a Sunday, say, you’re only seeing a snapshot of their lives. Kids can act up a bit when company is over and your sister is probably handing him his ipad to keep him content so she can concentrate on you and the lunch.

I was in the third group and then the second. I found that the screen time gradually increased due to me being tired/ill and then it was impossible to go back. It took huge amounts of energy to get them to do anything else and I did try but in the end it didn't work. We're all autistic and I'm now as bad as they are. It's used to regulate. I'm a single autistic parent who couldn't fight against this system that's designed to be addictive. I'd love to have that power but I don't.

Youngest DS is about to complete his computer science degree so at least he will (hopefully) be earning money from his screen addiction soon.

My daughter's just turned 9 and when she doesn't know what to do, I tell her to draw a picture or make something. She used to have too much screen time but I could see the effect it had on her overall mood/behaviour, so I don't give in and get her to do something creative instead. She's got really into origami recently due to this.

My 9yo wouldn't have been particularly keen on doing a puzzle with you, but wouldn't have felt comfortable telling you he'd rather do something else, which could have lead to the awkward 5 minutes. However, he'd happily build lego with you, set up his playmobil, play an outside game or go for a walk to the park.

It terms of screen use, I don't think I really fit into any of your groups. I've never limited screen use and instead focus on providing opportunities to do a range of activities. Sometimes screens even suport their ability to engage in other stuff, for instance, using screens in the car means we can travel further to activities and everyone arrives at our outing in a good mood, or I'll give one kid a screen to keep them occupied while the other has a class or club.

You said you spend a lot of time with them so surely you have spent lots of times doing things together.

My 11 year old will happily play scrabble, monopoly, game of life, cards etc and loves some switch or iPad time.
id say you see snapshots of your nieces and nephews lives and are making a judgement without any experience or understanding to back it up. You suggested something random and expected the kids to jump on board when clearly you don’t know them that well.
just because on one occasion you suggested something that isn’t interesting to those kids you decided they must be screen obssesser and incapable of doing anything else.
I tend to give kids extra screen time when we have guests so I can talk to the guests and children are entertained

There were no tablets when I was 9. I still wouldn't have had any interest in drawing or doing puzzles with my aunt. I liked Monopoly and scrabble on a rainy day, but much preferred being outdoors.
You have only seen a snippet, I think it's a bit unfair of you to be judging your sisters parenting and thinking he needs less screen time, she told you he does other activities.

This, so frustrating when childfree people tell you how to parent!

Exactly this. I always find it really odd when people seem to think it's their place to parent other people's kids.