To think women need not disclose exact savings to partners?

If you also think a man shouldn't disclose the amount he has in savings to his partner then absolutely fine.

If not, then why?

She has independence and a sense of security.

He is financially abusive

One of those verbs with irregular conjugation again

People seem to forget that marriage is a financial contract. You don’t have to disclose anything to your “partner” but probably sensible to ensure that they can pay their half of the bills if you live together. But you’d be very naive to enter into marriage if you don’t know your future spouse’s financial situation so yes, if you intend to marry someone or are married you should absolutely disclose your finances.

If both people in the relationship have the same opinion for it to go both ways then I don’t see a problem. If the couple then goes on to marry and still both keeping savings secret it would be more difficult because when buying a house or paying for a wedding how do you know what each other can afford to contribute?

Every single person should have some money saved in order to get away if needed - I wouldnt tell a partner about this savings account. I will tell my son and daughter to keep a private savings account for this very reason. No one should be kept in abusive relationships due to finances and I will ensure my children never have that.

I have a very different view of finances from most of MN who see things as joint. I have never had fully joint money even when I was with my children's father. I wanted to maintain my financial freedom and I would encourage everyone else to do so. Obviously if you are married and get divorced then you'll have to disclose but no, I won't ever fully disclose my financial situation to anyone because I don't want to.

My dp keeps asking me about my savings. Every month he"ll ask if I've added to my savings acc. He is and has always been a great saver. He thinks it' really important for both of us to have our own, as well as joint savings.

I think YANBU. There needs to be transparency for any joint financial stuff like if you're both purchasing a home etc that you each give an indication of what's feasible for you each to contribute but that could be coming from any of your savings accounts that you're happy to contribute from and others you may want to keep solely for yourself. I have some savings that are solely mine and I wouldn't want to be giving someone an exact breakdown of them mostly cos they can fluctuate based on if I'm choosing to use some savings to pay for something I want. They're not secret but I do consider them private. Especially as a woman, I think it's important to have at least one savings account that solely an emergency fund for yourself.

YANBU. If mortgage, bills, food etc all come out of the joint pot, then you don’t need to discuss personal savings.

However, this assumes parity in earnings.

Where one partner/spouse is a SAHP or earns significantly less, then the earning partner having all the savings and not disclosing them can be financial control.

What would you call someone you have been in a relationship with for 15yrs? I can't say boyfriend as i'm in my 50's 😂

Depends on the relationship. If you are unmarried, not unreasonable. 50/50 costs and none of his business. If you are married and / or planning a child together - it matters as you will be financially intertwined.

No, I think there should be complete transparency about finances. I would consider it vitally important.

It’s weird. Also, why only women OP?

I suspect there would be uproar on here if a woman found out her DH had secret savings she didn't know about.

How are you defining Partner OP?

I think this is the key really for me at least

I think this really depends on the person and the relationship. I don’t have secrets from my husband and don’t feel the need to but our finances are all joint. It’s a pot.

Sorry didn’t intend multiple posts

Both DH and I have separate accounts and savings. We each have a document listing account numbers etc should the other need it in an emergency. But I have no idea how much is actually in his accounts (as he doesn’t pay that close attention so even he doesn’t know - and some of his are investment a/c’s not just savings so values go down as well as up). I track mine fairly diligently and coincidentally had a conversation this weekend as I was slightly concerned about locking away a portion of it for a year when we may need some liquidity during that year - so he knows roughly what I have liquid and what I am locking away for 12 months, but no idea where it all is or how to access it without my management list - just that I can access what we’d be likely to need if I have to.

We’re married for over 25 years and have always helped each other out if needed, but built our own stash (or wasted our own on frivolous things or more courses or a bigger car…) independently, as long as both had some buffer.

Both DH and I have separate accounts and savings. We each have a document listing account numbers etc should the other need it in an emergency. But I have no idea how much is actually in his accounts (as he doesn’t pay that close attention so even he doesn’t know - and some of his are investment a/c’s not just savings so values go down as well as up). I track mine fairly diligently and coincidentally had a conversation this weekend as I was slightly concerned about locking away a portion of it for a year when we may need some liquidity during that year - so he knows roughly what I have liquid and what I am locking away for 12 months, but no idea where it all is or how to access it without my management list - just that I can access what we’d be likely to need if I have to.

We’re married for over 25 years and have always helped each other out if needed, but built our own stash (or wasted our own on frivolous things or more courses or a bigger car…) independently, as long as both had some buffer.

Why wouldn’t you want your DH to know the level of your savings? How do you do financial planning without transparency?

What about men, why only mention women? Surely if a woman expects to keep her savings amount hidden a man shouldn’t have to declare what he has?