To think women need not disclose exact savings to partners?

DH of 36 years is aware I have a savings account but neither he nor I feel the need to discuss how much is in it. I'm sure he also has a savings account, but equally I don't feel any need to know what's in it. We also have a joint current account and a joint savings account.

While we trust each other completely we don't need to know everything about each other. Like, although we know each other's phone passwords (we actually use the same one) we wouldn't dream of looking at each other's phones. We're married but we are both entitled to a bit of privacy.

It depends. Partners with separate finances I guess it doesn’t matter. Couples with shared income yes you should be honest.

Yeah, I do wonder if the info is being mined - a bit like a few weeks ago when every other AIBU was about grandparents babysitting

I was literally just thinking this. Loads of weird savings threads that have a really weak AIBU.

I was taught to be financially independent so no joint accounts, pooling money etc. Bills to be allocated to each person.

There have been a lot of these kind of threads recently.

I wouldn’t tell anyone what I earned, what I owed or what savings I have, whatever my relationship to them.

Inherited money in our house is family money as is any windfall we’re fortunate enough to come into. Money to be used for the benefit of the family.

I think it’s really odd to be in a committed relationship and not disclose your financial position. I don’t have an issue with it early on but if my DH just said I’ve got savings when we were planning our wedding, house hunting, etc I wouldn’t have continued the relationship.

There is a rather large thread thats been going on for a few days over a husband not telling a wife how much turnover his business has & how out of order she found it.

you aren’t a relationship or partnership if you are keeping significant secrets from one another.

I mean if you both agree not to disclose your own savings to each other fine but your poat reads like you would expect yours private but know his. Are you just interesting in the money

That's not necessarily the case with inherited money.

It's not that hard tbh, when a new boiler or car is needed you already know the ballpark of what you need to put towards it surely? I think if the savings are personal savings (which is allowed within a marriage) then their amount is irrelevant as long as you're both fairly contributing to a shared savings goal, our own personal savings goals are our own. Some months I save more than others as I like to shop whereas my partner is a constant saver and rarely buys anything, but we don't police each others personal financial choices as long as we're both pulling our weight to our joint ventures. I don't want to hear we can afford X because they know I have it in one of my savings account or have to explain to anyone if I choose to spend some of my own savings on something I want for myself that my partner wouldn't be interested in.

We’re married, all money is joint money and we both know how much is in our joint savings and individual savings and have visibility over each others accounts. Amongst other things marriage is a financial contract, if we split we each get half anyway whether it’s hidden in a secret account or not so we may as well know what we have to play with.

What are you hiding from him that you don’t want him to know? Doesn’t say much about your marriage.

if you are not married you don’t need to give them details. When I have been pushed and pressed I have always given lower figure if I know their savings and they are lower than mine will say I have about the same. I have been burned - these days men are the gold doggers

I think it's absolutely fine.

DH and I have been together for nearly 30 years. He doesn't know how much I have in savings. I don't know how much he has. I can have an educated guess and I suspect I have around 100-150 times the amount he has.

We have similar salaries - he earns maybe 75% of what I do. I pay slightly more in terms of bills right now and paid 50% of the cost of our current house with the profit from mine. He paid zero %. We jointly pay the remaining mortgage, although I have paid some chunks off recently and it's almost paid now. Neither of us goes without.

He already feels bad enough that I outearn him. I'm not sure that knowing how much I inherited from my parents when his parents only had a council house and a tough life with no savings is going to make him feel any better. He must have a good idea though.

The money is there if/when we need it and/or will be used to support our children. Beyond that it makes no material difference to him.

At the start of every month I send my husband a text message with my different savings accounts amounts and he sends me one back with the total amount we have between us. Good for us to see where we are at. I would be annoyed if my husband had money he hid from me.

I just don’t see how this works in practice in a long term relationship when you’re thinking about things like a new car, new house, renovating, holidays, emergency planning e.g. boiler. “I have savings” could mean £20 or £20,000 and without knowing which it is you can’t know how to plan or how secure things are. We’re married and our savings are joint as is everything else so when we needed a new car we knew what we could afford, when our boiler went we knew we didn’t have to worry because we had the money there, if we had worked off of “I have savings” those conversations would have been very different.

If we’re talking early stages relationship then yeah, have that privacy. But once you’re talking married, kids, a shared life/house/finances, “I have savings” is just making things more difficult every time something crops up.

Yeah it's not much of his business. But I earn slightly more which I suspect would make a difference to the transparency now women.

He doesn't need to know how much I spend on wine and Botox it would stress him.

No secretes in my house. We don’t tell each other monthly but he knows ball park. We have financial independence. Only cause I would be resentful if he spent our joint money on football or gadgets. Same with me spending on clothes. after bills which we have a joint account for, our money is our own.

He doesn’t save as much as me, despite earning more than me. I do save. He invests a lot in pensions. I have nhs one.

I know how much he earns, will hopefully have when he retires and he knows same about me. I also know if he dies first my only inheritance from him his our house. Rest goes to his kids and vice versa.

If we separate we will be financially secure by ourselves.

I was going to say the same as this.

is it ok for a man to be vague about the amount of savings he has?

Imagine a man posting this…