AIBU to hate being a step mum?

Yabu for doing her cooking and laundry her dad should

She doesn’t have to put up with it though.

yes, the child is old enough to be told but not for her to lose it with her. This is where her dad should step up but he obviously isn’t so why doesn’t the op cut her losses and leave instead of it getting worse and her “putting up with it”

you have a partner problem.

he knew his kids were struggling with his new partner so he moved in with her anyway. he does minimal care - hence you doing the cooking and laundry. she speaks to you disrespectfully and he doesn't challenge it. she lies to her Mom and he doesn't challenge it.

he shouldn't have moved in so quickly with you. personally, id fix that for you

This isn't going to work out

I feel for those poor children I was in their position along time ago except no mother around! That woman nearly ruined my life, if you don’t like the package stay out!!

If her mother is a drug addict then your dp needs to go to court and seek full time residency of his children.

It sounds terrible for you and I can understand your frustration
but it's the children I feel very sorry for in these situations they the ones suffering because of choices the people in their lives have made

How does your child feel about DPs kids, do they get along together?

Your SD is 8, her mum is clearly in her ear, she probably does like you deep down but feels guilty to her own mother, she’s probably angry at dad, missing dad, angry at you, anxious going home to mums because she’ll get questioned about her time with you.

It’s so hard to keep it all in, you shouldn’t of shouted at her, but it’s done now, apologise and move on.

Your DP needs to pull her on her behaviour and let her know the rules for his house and how she is expected to treat everyone in it, but I imagine he is scared to not see her again for a few months.

Talk to your DP about your issues and tell him what you expect from him and tell him you need things to change.

Cannot believe some of these replies, why does everybody think it’s ok for children to consistently behave badly and never be told. The OP could have said fat worse to her. Sure, part of the blame for the situation can certainly be attributed to her parents, but the OP sounds as if she has done her best and put up with her behaviour for a long time. Everyone has a life. The world has gone too childcentric bfat, our generation would have been told off for sure. That said, if I was the OP. I would protect myself and my DS and leave

Op why did you move in together, was it his idea or yours? Who's house do you live in?

YANBU to dislike being a “stepmother”, YABVVU to take it out on a child.

The children are the victims in this situation, not you. I think you should consider living apart until the children are older and things are more settled. This can’t be good for your child either.

Your life would become a lot easier if you were to unblend your families. Your partner's life would become more difficult and so he is unlikely to want to do this.

I think it’s probably in everyone’s best interest if this relationship ended. It’s not the poor child’s fault and you snapped at her? Awful. I hope you feel guilty. As bad as the mum is it’s her fault not the child’s. Get out now for everyone’s sake

Your post is why I didn't want to meet a man with children. No way did I want that step parent position.

It’s not going to get better, the ex is going to carry on being vindictive and nasty you know this, sounds like she will never have a positive attitude to u. What’s your dp doing to help this situation? Has he got your back? Sounds like not, as he’s letting his kids talk to u like shit, but you are still cooking and tidying up after them for him, no? How’s does Dp and his kids treat your DC?

This is 100% your partner's fault. He needs to be living in his own place with his children.

because he wanted someone to care for his kids and him: cook, clean, wash for them. Sex with him asa co-benefit. Who dis these before op? his ex. that's why he hooked up when his little one was three. likely when he had more time with them. Not an 8 year old's fault. Op would best cut her losses: less stress for her and more importantly she wont have to contribute to hurting these kids. Leave that to their parents to sort or whatever

No, she's an eight year old child who has been forced to live with a strange adult and her kid because her dad has put his need for a shag before her.

Your language is vile.

Word.

Sorry, she is a selfish little cow and deserved it. She cannot go through life expecting to get away with behaving like that and for nobody to answer her back. It’s a life lesson

It's probably best you end the relationship...26 years being a stepmum and it doesn't get better

you have been with him for three years and have a soon to be 6 year old. so presumably you don't have kids with him? walk away. he wanted someone to look after his children with sex as a co-benefit. not an equal life partner. And all kids here are paying the price. Walk. Away.

Exactly. As is so often the case, you have a DP problem.

I’ve put YBU because I just don’t understand why you’ve pursued such a miserable relationship. I never understand why people forge ahead with blended families that are making everyone miserable

Your dh needs to step up and guide his children on what behaviour is acceptable in your home.

Block the mum on social media. Don't engage with her nonsense. He can communicate with her via a parenting app.

Re the laundry etc - if your dh does 50% of similar duties for your child then that's fine. If he doesn't, then let him take over doing those jobs for his own kids.