AIBU to hate being a step mum?

Exactly

It's not idiotic, it's perfectly valid.

OP wouldn't be in the situation she is now if she hadn't rushed her little kids into living with a bunch of strangers.

It's about time we had another name for 'blended families' - they are usually anything but, it's a total lie.

DPs judgment of having children with such a woman and leaving his children with this woman, even part of the time.
If the woman is a criminal then surely your DP, their Father, needs to remove the DC pronto.

Why do people ask idiotic questions like this.
Bore off!

It's a valid question though. This is what happens when you force a bunch of strangers to live in the same home to satisfy the sexual urges of the grown ups.

your partner and you need to be on the same page. He needs to back you and you back him in front of all the kids.

I would also try not to say what you did say and meet your SD comments about you now bong her mother with something along the lines of “correct you am not your mother, however I am an adult who cares for you and deserve respect from you like I give to you and like you give to your teachers etc”

Blended families are only ever about the adults!
they do not work

I agree. Put your own child first and end this horrible situation.

What does your partner have to say about the situation? In all honesty he should be the one to be doing the bulk of caring for his children, and parenting them. Part of parenting his children means he should be ensuring they are at least polite and courteous to you. If they aren't, your partner should be disciplining them accordingly. Being polite is basic manners. No, he can't make them like you, but they shouldn't be disrespectful towards you.

You know that you shouldn't have reacted to your partner's daughter in that way, because you are playing straight into his ex's hands. Sadly, all it will do is confirm to his daughter's that you are indeed the 'wicked witch' that their Mum says you are.

I do appreciate that keeping quiet, is very difficult and you lost your temper. Your feelings are absolutely valid and understandable.

This situation lays very firmly at your partner and his ex. His ex is using the children to stir up problems, which is never acceptable. As usual it's the poor children who end up caught up in the middle. Your partner should be dealing with the situation, by speaking to his ex and making sure his children are at least being polite.

Do you feel like you do more for your kids than he does for yours?

I would match his effort and not go to extra effort for his kids. Also take your own child out and let DP entertain his own.

What kinds of things are you doing that make you feel like a slave?

I suppose I'm the dad in this scenario. My kids are very much grown up now - around 30. When I got together with my wife, they were 4 and 6. I think she found it difficult, because it IS difficult.

We muddled through, not unscathed. Her relationship with my sons is strong now that they're adults. She genuinely enjoys their company, is affectionate towards them, and wants to help them at every opportunity.

Looking back, it's easy to see what mistakes I made, but that's hindsight. I could tell you what I should have done but we are where we are.

If you love your partner and your relationship is otherwise secure, have a frank conversation with him and try to negotiate some rules that will work. I'd say that if you (all) keep in mind that this is a very tricky situation, you'll have sympathy for each other, which is something you should aim for.

S m here although I never wanted to refer to myself as such ever, from day one partners children refer to me as dads partner, they have a mum already . It is harder than parenting your own children because you are accountable to you and your children without other adults sniping at you. partners children are adults and now, the mistake I made was not sitting partner down and sharing my concerns. It is his responsibility to ensure that his children respect adults - especially the ones that take care of them.
it’s not the children’s fault- this is on the dad every single time.

Snapping at an insecure young dc isn't ok and you should apologise for that.

Why on earth isn't their df parenting them, though? Of course you shouldn't be left to cook and clean for them, that's totally unreasonable.

There’s a lot of adults out there desperate for a shag no matter what the cost to the kids.

Yabu to be with a man who has children if you hate being a step mum 🤷‍♀️

Poor kids.

And how’s the op going to do that? It’s extortionately expensive to do that.

SO unhelpful

I have voted YABU because this is not really the child's fault - she's still very young - and you shouldn't have spoken to her like that.

However, if the mum is writing bad stuff about you on her socials then I would threaten to sue her for libel.

This is not the child’s fault. She dislikes you and sees you as a baddie. Her mum and dad broke up. Now she has to put up with you. Is how she will see it. She sounds a spirited child so doesn’t keep quiet about her views.

And so it can be with blended or families that have been broken. Children will, very often, blame themselves for their parents breaking up. And if she does feel this way will be doing anything to try to get her dad back with mum. Or make you feel hurt.

Firstly, once you have children, they come first. Before any relationship with a new man. Before living with a new man and his children. He left his children when they were five and three.

There is nothing natural about step parenting. It is entirely unnatural. Many do it and many do it successfully. Many don’t.

She will see that she irks you. You are letting a small child manage you. Don’t expect her to be all reasonable, goodly and without problems. Her parents have given her more problems than a child should have to try to manage.

Be patient. Talk kindly. Explain you are not replacing mum. Gently does it.

She didn't ask to be here. She didn't ask for her parents to split up. She didn't ask for her dad to live with another woman. She didn't ask for a step mum or sibling. She's had no choice at all in any of it.

Giver a break and maybe live somewhere else.

I don't know what you mean. Doesn't look like the OP is coming back anyway.

Well what can you expect from a woman who spends her time smoking weed and has never worked a day in her life? I would question what attracted my partner to a woman like this in the first place tbh.

@PurpleSalem I would make things clear with your partner: HE id responsable for HIS children so he makes supper for them and does everything involving them. You take care of your child. And any rudeness from the 8 year old should be dealt with by her father; severely and immediately. If he's on board it mught work. If not I would leave because it will just worse. In a few years she will be on tiktok slagging you with her mum.

I really think it's good for kids to learn where the line is. My kids know they can push me to a point and no further. Its not a bad thing to point out to her, sharply, that you don't want to be her mum but you are looking after her, when you don’t actually have any obligation to, and she needs to speak to you with a bit of common respect.

Thats if its even true